Venting Health Anxiety, and why it is driving me to CTB.

[Barbed Wolf]

Hi, 22 year old male here. I've been struggling with health anxiety for about 4 years now. Its ruined my sleep, sex life, everything. Everyday I wake up, and I fear that something bad is wrong with me. Pain in left arm? Oh God, I must be having a stroke! Head pain? Oh God, it must be a tumor! Weird bowl movements? Oh no! I have Colan cancer!

Every. Single. Day.

It gets to the point where I just want to end it all so I stop having these thoughts. "Why don't you go see a therapist for all this?" Good question! I have no health insurance! I have frequent visits to the ER, and they always say I'm fine. It's not. Its not fine. I stay up without sleep for multiple days. I think I am slowly losing my mind.

Any advice?

 

[dragonofenvy]

Hello!

So one thing I just want to point out is

"Why don't you go see a therapist for all this?" Good question! I have no health insurance! I have frequent visits to the ER,

You don't have health insurance yet go to the ER? I've been to the ER back when I was on my mom's insurance and it was thousands of dollars, so I'm a little confused as to how you can go to the ER but not a therapist if finances are the issue.

and they always say I'm fine. It's not. Its not fine. I stay up without sleep for multiple days. I think I am slowly losing my mind.

I'm not an expert on psychology but I've done a lot of research out of boredom. There's a variety of things this could be, and I'm not going to diagnose a problem but I will give you something that it could be, just as something to think about. Psychosomatic illnesses are a real thing. Your brain and body are very connected. If your brain thinks there's a problem you will feel like you have a problem. This is how people can constantly be sick without actually being sick. While this isn't the recovery section (I'm someone who doesn't want others to suffer, and it sounds like this is causing you a lot of suffering, so I'm going to give actual advice), I'm just gonna say you can look at the treatment options in the article I listed as well doing your own research. Even just researching it and being aware of the problem will help even if you don't get treatment because I know you said therapy isn't an option. Trust me, having an understanding of yourself helps a lot, and I'm not even necessarily talking about recovery, I'm talking the opposite route too if that's the road you decide to go down. That's the advice I can give you for now. I hope maybe this information might help you a bit beyond the "just don't be anxious" you've probably heard from people.

 

[Barbed Wolf]

To answer the question about the ER. I have bills racked up to about a grand that I refuse to pay. I know that sounds shitty, but whenever I have my episodes I call 911.

 

[dragonofenvy]

To answer the question about the ER. I have bills racked up to about a grand that I refuse to pay. I know that sounds shitty, but whenever I have my episodes I call 911.

Huh, when I went with insurance I had bills that went to $25,000. But I spent a month at a psych ward due to my visit so yeah that's probably why. I think my insurance said "Yeah no this isn't medically necessary we're not paying for it, fuck you dragon" hence why my bill was so high.

But clearly calling 911 isn't working out for you, that much we both can tell. I wish I could tell you what would but sadly I don't have an answer for you as I've never had an experience like yours so it's difficult for me to give advice, but I can try.

 

[hematomatema]

I get this so much but with mental disorders and gender/sexuality, although mine's a 50/50 split on health anxiety and OCD. You do xyz? Congrats, you are now schizophrenic or narcissistic or a sociopath or severely autistic and you will never succeed in life. Repeat for 6 months until I find something new to focus on and worry about...

Health anxiety (and OCD by extension) are awful. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. And even if you see a therapist it doesn't help. For me it's not something that can be managed by meds; my worries are always (somewhat) logical and valid so it's impossible to avoid them.

I really can't give any advice to you because if I had any I'd use it myself, but I may as well wish you luck in finding therapy or meds that work to cull the thoughts.