Having second thoughts

[MAIO]

If I did tell them about the N, would they be legally obligated to seize it from me, or would I be committed? or both?

If you tell them you have a plan and may act on it, you will probably be committed. You likely won't be criminally charged although they could decide to charge you criminally for having N.(Assuming you live In America there are other countries more likely to charge you) If you tell them you have N and a plan you will be committed and have your N seized on the spot. Having thoughts to back out is normal. Do you want to be committed? Do you want to have your N seized? You can control what happens based on what you tell them/want as long as you know what you can or can not say. Keep in mind you could end work up with a very expensive medical bill for involuntary commitment,(10k+ may be committed a long time usually not but it's possible etc) people's perception of you may change and so on.

 

[jlshghr]

I believe you should tell your family or your psychiatrist about your suicidal thoughts. Do not mention your method but you can say that you have been looking for ways so they know how serious the situation really is. I have also voluntarily admitted myself to a psych ward and it was actually not as bad as many people make it seem. It's also not the end of the world to go there - you also leave the place again. Most of the time in a better state of mind.

 

[Theon]

If I did tell them about the N, would they be legally obligated to seize it from me, or would I be committed? or both?

You could be sent to a psych ward. I was when I told my psychiatrist I had made an attempt. If your parents tell a mental health professional, a cop, a doctor, there's a good chance you will be sent somewhere. I would just throw it away.

 

[dolphin]

Still want to CTB. Will delay for the time being. Very glad I didn't say anything about my plans/the N

 

[tomz323]

Still want to CTB. Will delay for the time being. Very glad I didn't say anything about my plans/the N

Yeah, I'm not sure about telling my therapist about N either.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

Still want to CTB. Will delay for the time being. Very glad I didn't say anything about my plans/the N

I'm always here if you wanna talk.

 

[not_a_robot]

It's ok. It would be weird if you didn't have second thoughts, and also third fourth and fifth ones.
It's not to be considered lightly.
I waited and waited through my teens and twenties, knowing I couldn't ctb til after mom passed, she needed to be taken care of. Then she went very suddenly, much sooner than I expected. Now I stay alive to torture myself with grief, and so I can keep telling her ashes that I love her and I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm not sure about telling my therapist about N either.

I only tell lies to therapists now. The fuckers never listened when I told them the truth anyway.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

It's ok. It would be weird if you didn't have second thoughts, and also third fourth and fifth ones.
It's not to be considered lightly.
I waited and waited through my teens and twenties, knowing I couldn't ctb til after mom passed, she needed to be taken care of. Then she went very suddenly, much sooner than I expected. Now I stay alive to torture myself with grief, and so I can keep telling her ashes that I love her and I'm sorry.

I only tell lies to therapists now. The fuckers never listened when I told them the truth anyway.

Yep, therapists don't give a shit. They only care about getting money, and nothing more. They all put up an act when they say they care, but they really fucking don't. I stopped seeing mine too, and she was full of so much crap.

 

[TiredHorse]

Still want to CTB. Will delay for the time being. Very glad I didn't say anything about my plans/the N

I want to CTB all the time. Am I on the Recovery path? I can't tell any more. I keep delaying for apparently stupid reasons, but the reasons still feel relevant, and I'm still alive. But there's no way I'll give up my various equipment --and I have so many methods immediately available to me that the idea of having them all taken from me is laughable.

As I just mentioned to another member here who is considering the Recovery path, for me it is definitely a case of "two steps forward, one step back." It's bloody awful, to be truthful. I'd far rather the simplicity of CTB. But something is preventing me from taking the simple route. And so here I am. And maybe, if you're here too, I'm in good company.

As a sailor, I've always enjoyed travelling in the company of dolphins.

 

[TAW122]

I only tell lies to therapists now. The fuckers never listened when I told them the truth anyway.

Yep, therapists don't give a shit. They only care about getting money, and nothing more. They all put up an act when they say they care, but they really fucking don't. I stopped seeing mine too, and she was full of so much crap.

Yeah, I had the same experience with just about all the therapists in my lifetime. I've seen at least over 10 (including a psychiatrist when I was a kid) of them and it's really a sham and joke. While I didn't pay for my counselors and therapists when I was a student at university, it sucked how much counseling and therapy is parroted, paraded around, yet the kind of 'help' one gets is laughable at best, and dangerous at worst (say the wrong thing, lose your freedom and get a mark on your health and background records).

I want to CTB all the time. Am I on the Recovery path? I can't tell any more. I keep delaying for apparently stupid reasons, but the reasons still feel relevant, and I'm still alive. But there's no way I'll give up my various equipment --and I have so many methods immediately available to me that the idea of having them all taken from me is laughable.

As I just mentioned to another member here who is considering the Recovery path, for me it is definitely a case of "two steps forward, one step back." It's bloody awful, to be truthful. I'd far rather the simplicity of CTB. But something is preventing me from taking the simple route. And so here I am. And maybe, if you're here too, I'm in good company.

That's a really tormenting place to be in, not being able to go through with a decision at peace but rather bogged down by complicated thoughts and various things that keep postponing it. I've had many ups and downs in life as well. In fact, I had many times in the recent years where I've decided to CTB yet an unexpected recovery came about be it some turning point, or what I feared never came a reality, etc.

 

[Ruffian]

I am going through this myself now. I hate that feeling of hope when I get a new prescription, and then have to wait forever for it to start working. Or wonder if it's even going to. Is it worth it? I'm asking myself this now. Or did I subconsciously ask for a TCA as an insurance policy? I have everything for SN safely tucked away, and I do consider it somewhat an insurance policy. I think questioning things is good, but since it's a bit of a challenge to get N, it's not going to hurt for you to keep it tucked away. Like others have said, you never know what life's gonna throw at you.

 

[not_a_robot]

I fully agree with this. I would never want to seek help for mental issues or psychological issues because of this. At best, it is a waste of time, money, and effort. At worst, forced intervention, which involves incarceration and/or treatment against my will. Then I would be saddled with an enormous medical bill that I have little ability to pay off. It simply is not worth it. It is a huge money trap along with a scarlet letter that will ruin your life (professionally, socially, and civilly).

THIS THIS THIS!!!
The minute you ask for help you become nothing but a source of revenue for vultures.
Sorry, I hate to discourage anyone from trying to improve, do whatever you feel you must but mental healthcare is just like snake oil or religion; it only exists to profit from making bullshit promises to desperate vulnerable people. If it helps anybody it's just the placebo effect.
Just my experience.

 

[Jean Améry]

If it helps anybody it's just the placebo effect.

Absolutely. That and plain old empathy and humanity, which is a rare occurence in psychiatry.