Discussion Having one big CTB note instead of many notes and limiting no. of recipients

[TAW122]

Seeing as there is more steps and the more people I contact or send (even with delayed emails) my CTB Note, the more chances there are for a slip up or mistake (which is something I can't afford), therefore, after careful deliberation and thought, I have decided that I would still send my CTB Notes and through delayed/timed emails, texts, communications, but limit the amount of recipients. The other problem is some recipients don't have emails or reliably ways to contact them so it would only result in more headaches and complications than I'd like. I'd rather keep things simpler and make it easier for myself as just planning, waiting, and of course overcoming SI while making sure everything is ready is already more than a mountain of chores to do, the last thing I need to worry about is the technicalities and semantics of delivery.

I would still have multiple versions, one that is public which would memorialize my existence as well as bring some closure to people, a redacted version which would hide and respect the privacy of various people, an open letter (for our community here - not actually a CTB note, but rather appreciation letter and also some instructions when I pass the torch to other future SS members who wish to continue the fight of pro-choice and someday the legalization of voluntary euthanasia, even decades after I'm gone.), and of course, a shorter version of my CTB note, which states my decision, reasons for it, and then bring them closure (one two three steps and would probably be somewhere between 1-2 pages in length, no more than 2 pages). Optionally, I may also compile a collection of all my quality posts and threads which will allow someone to read through my thoughts and ideas that are pro-choice. This would greatly help the people who later pick up the torch and continue pushing for pro-choice regulations, laws, and someday a society that legalizes voluntary euthanasia for people who are sick and tired of life (after strict screening and vetting as well as waiting periods and other reasonable safeguards, checks.)

The shorter version of my CTB would just be something for people to briefly read and understand as I don't expect most people to read through it but the longer version would be for those who seek more closure and/or are curious and wish to know more about my background, backstory, elaborate reasoning, and other additional information. Also, I feel that is it fair to credit and honor those who are good to me IRL and have helped me, they deserve some recognition and appreciation for the good they have brought into my life. The shame list for those who have been awful to me and just getting the last laugh (brings me closure). And of course, some confessions as well as miscellaneous information just for the curious mind, which also could bring closure to people.

As for my main CTB Note, I planned to have many sections to it, similar to the ones I had in this thread, about sections and parts to include in it. Given the fact that a CTB note would be my final message to the living, conscious world that we are in, I feel that I might as well say what I want to say before I pass. It could include everything, the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly, because I'd prefer to not be misunderstood upon my death. Of course though, it's not for my benefit because (obviously) I would be dead and no longer suffering, but rather for the living. So in short, a CTB note to me, is like a way for me to conclude things and bring closure to everything (including for myself, but more for the living).

It's really difficult to strike a balance between wanting to be heard and acknowledged, bring closure to myself and the people around me, and still ensure that my plans won't be jeopardized (either by intervention, foiled, or unplanned changes in life, such as the stupid pandemic Covid-19 for instance). Does anyone share similar sentiments about what you guys planned to have in your CTB note?

 

[Yomyom]

Correct me if I wrong, but your method is a gun?
For what do you need to send delay texts?

I think there a way to send delay SMS, but I never test it

 

[TAW122]

Yes, it is a gun, however, given my life circumstances (living arrangement changes from end of 2019 forcing me to move back to parents (maybe temporarily?) thus having to store my firearm/gun at a store until I'm ready to retrieve it) and also now, this stupid pandemic, it's going to restrict me from accessing my method since freedom of movement is limited as well as parents' being around home much more oftenly. I would either have to wait until there is a time where they are away (like on a business trip or vacation - which isn't likely given this pandemic going on) or when I can temporarily move out to some remote location and have the place to myself for at least a week (time to get ready and all the stuff). So in the meantime, just finishing up some current life goals and personal goals then getting affairs in order until the right time comes (if it does that is - highly dependent on how long this pandemic lasts and the aftermaths of it).

As for delayed SMS, yes there is a way, but I'd think when the time comes when I CTB, I'm likely going to turn off my phone and disable any means for phone (even as far as taking out the SIM card altogether) as I'm not going to leave any unexpected chances that something will interrupt or interfere with my attempt. Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid to some, but I'm going to leave nothing to chance or error.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I hope it's okay to say, I mean this warmly, I had a gentle chuckle that your ctb note will have a TL;DR version.

It's so you, and also so reflective of the times.

1816 suicide note:


Virginia Woolf suicide note 1941:


2020 suicide note:

Wall of text/manifesto

TL;DR

Main points

 

[TAW122]

@GoodPersonEffed That's mostly on point, though I'd like to add that I'm going to have about 4 different documents (main note uncensored, main note redacted, short note (mainly to loved ones), and the open letter (for our community that I have been a part of for almost 2 years and have gained from it.) ).

Optionally, I may also consider compiling all my threads, topics, into a readable format (may/not contain all the replies because that would just be too tedious) which would entail all the quality posts and interesting ideas I had over the two years which would help others who pick up the torch and continue on the fight towards legalization of voluntary euthanasia and having our pro-choice community be stronger in the future.

 

[faust]

I am a writer myself and I think I will make the notes simple and deprived of the deep thinking which is peculiar to me.

There is absolutely no need to go into details - I will write everything as it is, without unnecessary embellishment and long chains of highly moral narratives. For this, there is a book that I have not finished, and there I can reflect the whole range of feelings inherent in me and my inner world. However, its completion may cause a morbid curiosity about what will happen after uploading it.

For me, the best way to write a farewell letter is to ceaselessly write everything that comes to mind and what the heart tells. When we don't think too much about what we write, we mention what is important to us.
This would be my opinion.

 

[TAW122]

@faust Interesting idea and while I feel like I want to get the important parts and points into my note, I also want to strike a balance between being too long or too short. Being too short in length means people would be more likely to (wrongfully) assume they could have saved me (which is far, far from the truth) and also could leave with more doubts and questions. On the other hand, having too long of a note (meaning just write whatever comes to mind, neverminding the length) would result in overwhelming the reader or running the risk of the reader just "skimming" through it and also ignoring the note. Therefore, lengthwise, especially for the majority of my audience who would read it, would be somewhere between 1-2 pages, it should be specific enough to highlight all my main points (not too vague) but not too long where it just goes running on or getting too rambly. So basically a main point with some supporting detail or two and then some closure and conclusion wrapping things up.

I would still have the longer notes just for people (who are very curious) to understand more in depth and all the nuances of what I have. Two versions as one would be more public while another one will be only sent to a very recipients privately.

 

[faust]

@faust Interesting idea and while I feel like I want to get the important parts and points into my note, I also want to strike a balance between being too long or too short. Being too short in length means people would be more likely to (wrongfully) assume they could have saved me (which is far, far from the truth) and also could leave with more doubts and questions. On the other hand, having too long of a note (meaning just write whatever comes to mind, neverminding the length) would result in overwhelming the reader or running the risk of the reader just "skimming" through it and also ignoring the note. Therefore, lengthwise, especially for the majority of my audience who would read it, would be somewhere between 1-2 pages, it should be specific enough to highlight all my main points (not too vague) but not too long where it just goes running on or getting too rambly. So basically a main point with some supporting detail or two and then some closure and conclusion wrapping things up.

I would still have the longer notes just for people (who are very curious) to understand more in depth and all the nuances of what I have. Two versions as one would be more public while another one will be only sent to a very recipients privately.

I think I know what you mean. In my case it will be 1-2 A5 pages, hopefully that will be more than enough. But at the same time I don't want to leave too many questions without answers. So I should be concise there.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I never once thought of multiple versions of my note. Its not like I have any friends, and out of my family maybe 2 people care. So its in a single file right from the beggining

 

[SugarbushMtn]

No notes for me, nothing I could say would explain anything.

 

[TAW122]

I think I know what you mean. In my case it will be 1-2 A5 pages, hopefully that will be more than enough. But at the same time I don't want to leave too many questions without answers. So I should be concise there.

Good point and makes sense.

I never once thought of multiple versions of my note. Its not like I have any friends, and out of my family maybe 2 people care. So its in a single file right from the beggining

Same here, I don't have many "friends" IRL and outside of family, not many people even contact or keep in touch with me. However, I do wish to address all my points as thoroughly as possible and leave no questions or doubts for anyone who comes across my reasoning (as close to 100% as possible). I'd see it more for their benefit (clear conscience and understanding, closure etc.). Therefore, having a short note allows them to read the briefs, but if they are curious (some people are) they can read the longer note. A redacted version of the longer note would be more/less public while the uncensored one would be more for limited recipients, parents, family, maybe some close acquaintance or so.

No notes for me, nothing I could say would explain anything.

Fair enough. I had times where I thought, meh, well if I'm dead I'm dead. It's true that I don't owe them anything, not even justification nor explanation, but I'm doing for them and also for myself too (getting the last thoughts and last remarks in before permanently exiting this world.).