I've considered the idea of having kids but that'd require I get my life in complete order first and idk how long that'll take. Postpartem depression runs in my family and I'm afraid I'll get postpartem after the birth and probably end up committing suicide since I'm already messed up before even getting pregnant. Not to mention my pregnancy phobia makes the whole concept of pregnancy terrifying to me, partially because of my eating disorder.
That's a very sound, logical/rational, reasoning. Kudos to you!
It's a very good thing that you are capable of having this much self-awareness and self-reflection about this most serious subject... which, unfortunately, most people consider — at best! — "lightly"... in a very poor, glib, shortsighted and neglectful manner.
Most people just simply assume that having a child is their unalienable, "God given", absolute, individual, basic human right — when, in fact, it is not.
I'm thinking of the future, I'm thinking long-term. I don't want to carry a pregnancy, attach to my fetus, give birth, then ditch the poor baby to be raised alone by their father because their mother couldn't take this shit anymore, quite bluntly. These weights feel too heavy to carry sometimes
Most people only think about themselves and what they want... And, under this "parenting fever", they actively ignore every bad outcome, projecting a dellusional "forecast" of sunshine and rainbows.
The result of this "madness" is that
they end up disregarding all of the bad consequences of their decision and their impact on the well-being of the child.
From a psychological perspective, it takes a lot of courage, honesty, willpower and resignation to admit to oneself that one is not best suited to do something that one wants to do. I will go even further and say that the natalist/pro-life indoctrination we are ubiquitously subjected to is the most powerful force one has to fight against.
Facts don't care about our feelings and reality "is what it is" — there is no "bending the spoon" because there is no spoon in the first place.
My opinion in this subject is somewhat in accordance to yours: If someone was/is suicidal, then that someone shouldn't procreate and have biological children even if, at any point, their life is on the "right track". Things can always take a turn for the worse.
And never — and I really mean never ever ! — use the idea of having a child instrumentally, in the hopes that this will somehow be the ultimate thing that will finally give your life a true meaning and purpose. Thinking like this just spells DISASTER.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cry on with someone who isn't lying to me and isn't part of this garbage again.
Unfortunately, I can't obviously offer you my shoulder to cry on. I would If I could. But I can not and will not lie to you... All I wrote is the real deal and I'm so sorry if the truth isn't any more comforting...
