Venting Having a hard time deciding

[FailedArtist]

Hello,
I've made the decision to CTB within the next few weeks but I am finding it very difficult to go on everyday knowing this. I keep wanting to share my plans with someone but I will not because this would only cause me more pain and force me to go to the hospital against my will and then life would be much much worse. It is very difficult to continue to lie to people when they ask me how I'm doing. I wish I could tell them how miserable and unhappy I am with the failure that is my life. Usually what I get when I mention this to someone is some attempt on their part to make me see the bright side of things, and try to minimize my disillusion. I had planned to use SN but after failing to acquire an antiemetic, I think I might go a different route. I now am planning on buying some drugs, probably heroin and using that to OD. This will be a bit difficult but I think I know a place where to score.

 

[unabletocope]

Be careful with opioids. It could go wrong and you might deteriorate in ways you wish you hadn't. SN or ODing with something like chloroquine is a much safer bet, antiemetics are more accessible than you think as well

 

[rowboat]

I totally understand where you're coming from. Having to lie to my family, therapists, etc about how I'm doing is incredibly exhausting. It makes it even worse when talking about future plans, since you obviously can't tell whatever person that you'll be dead by then.

 

[FailedArtist]

Be careful with opioids. It could go wrong and you might deteriorate in ways you wish you hadn't. SN or ODing with something like chloroquine is a much safer bet, antiemetics are more accessible than you think as well

I don't know what you mean by "deteriorate in ways you wish you hadn't". As long as I stop breathing I think I will be fine. Also, antiemetics are not accessible without a prescription.

 

[unabletocope]

I don't know what you mean by "deteriorate in ways you wish you hadn't". As long as I stop breathing I think I will be fine. Also, antiemetics are not accessible without a prescription.

What I mean is that you may not necessarily die but develop addiction which will probably make it harder for you to focus on suicide, also you can get antiemetics without prescription, PM me and ill send you a link that is a directory of pharmacies you can buy online

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings really are understandable. But anyway I wish you the best of luck in your plans.