Have you made promises to anyone who wants you to stay alive?

[Ani198]

I promised a few people I would stay alive, and to do that I started getting drunk every night. Then I promised them I'd stay sober when they got worried about me. Now all I can think about is how badly I would like to be dead, and I can't escape it. It's a cycle that makes the desire more and more intense every time it repeats. I don't want to keep thinking this because I hate the thought of breaking a promise or letting somebody I care about down.

I'm just wondering how common this is, and if it helps anyone.

 

[Breakout92]

My friend is getting a surgery this summer and I promised her I'd go with her and keep her company. I kind of hope that she cancels or postpones so I have a way out of my promise. But she knows I'm suicidal and I told her that me wanting to keep my promise is the only thing that will keep me alive that long.

 

[Fragile]

Yes, and I'm sure that they suspect that I'm not keeping those promises.

 

[Symbiote]

Made a promise, but they know I'm prone to not keeping this promise. All others I will, but not this one.

 

[Trisolaris]

Didn't promise anyone and not going to.

 

[signifying nothing]

I've learnt that words mean very little and it's what you do that really matters.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Promises are just words, I promise that I won't ask another female member to marry me again.

 

[nolongerhuman]

My doctors keep asking me to make promises so they don't stuff me in a psych ward. All such promises are made under duress making my moral obligation to keep them minimal.

 

[bleakhouse]

My sister :/ sorry rubes but i'm dead inside

@nolongerhuman really like the quote in your signature i'm gonna give that book a read (:(:

 

[ClairyFairy]

Didn't promise anyone and not going to.

I'm with you. I hate lying and even though it would have been kept today who know how ill feel next week

 

[neitherherenorthere]

No one's ever asked me to promise anything like that, or asked me anything directly about suicide. Things like promises and suicide contracts are essentially meaningless, anyway.

@ClairyFairy Exactly, how can anyone expect you to predict the future like that?

 

[Hirokami]

I promised my mother I wouldn't ctb. I feel obliged to keep my word, especially considering how (a I'm her only child (b we lost my father/her husband a few years ago. It's a miracle that I'm still here, though, and who knows how long that'll last.

 

[ClairyFairy]

No one's ever asked me to promise anything like that, or asked me anything directly about suicide. Things like promises and suicide contracts are essentially meaningless, anyway.

@ClairyFairy Exactly, how can anyone expect you to predict the future like that?

They just rely on the assumption you'll feel guilt about breaking a promise. I'm never making pal, checkmate dumb therapist

 

[lofticries]

I promised my mom that I would get my shit together and not ctb. So the plan is now to wait until both my parents die while getting my shit together and then ctb after. Because really at that point I would have nothing else to live for.

I already know for a fact that if I CTB before my mom dies she'll go mental. And my dad although more stable.....ehhh I already disappointed him enough in his life.

 

[FreeAngel]

My therapist

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

dumb therapist

That's redundant

 

[blue_muse]

Made promises to various people, which is ironic because the same people make no effort to put themselves in my shoes - that good ol' virtue signalling.

 

[FreeAngel]

I have to sign a contract with my therapist every week that I won't try to ctb

 

[Ame]

Early last month, out of impulse, I made this really sad attempt at partial. It was so pathetic and poorly executed that my parents intervened and tried to take me to hospital. I was able to convince them that going to a ward would do more harm than good but my family was understandably shaken. My mother was devastated and told me that it didn't matter if I never ended up leaving the house to live on my own and that she only wants to grow old with me. She begged me to promise her that I would never try anything like that again and that I would live out my natural life with her. I couldn't say anything at first but she was crying (and this is a woman who grew up in a culture where displaying emotions this openly is rare) and pleading with me to make that promise.

I ended up making a promise to her that I wouldn't try to hang myself again. My method is SN. I'm aware of how terrible it is for me to try and leave this "technical" opening when she was so desperate. I won't even try to delude myself into thinking that I am not a terrible child. I'm absolutely rotten. I can only hope that my loved ones will be okay - forgiving me is secondary - I just want them to be alright.

 

[Lupgevif]

Nope. I promised my therapist I would tell her if I was planning suicide, but I never promised her I would never execute the plan.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I promised my dog l would care for him his whole life,that was 10 year's ago and I'm doing just that, l would never make that promise to a human being!

 

[AntiCycleAN]

I've promised my parents I wouldn't ctb, but I really don't know if I will be able to keep that promise. I cannot imagine years and years more of this misery and anxiety, even if it would be devastating to them. I hate myself for lying, but their love and potential pain is not enough for me to endure this pain and suffering.

 

[muffin222]

Yes, but I doubt I will be honoring that promise for long.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I told my twin sister I won't kill myself until she's older and independent / has a partner to rely on. I love her so much, but honestly I don't want to wait that much, I'm in too much pain 24/7. :/ but who even knows when I'll get the chance to ctb maybe she will already be married.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Early last month, out of impulse, I made this really sad attempt at partial. It was so pathetic and poorly executed that my parents intervened and tried to take me to hospital. I was able to convince them that going to a ward would do more harm than good but my family was understandably shaken. My mother was devastated and told me that it didn't matter if I never ended up leaving the house to live on my own and that she only wants to grow old with me. She begged me to promise her that I would never try anything like that again and that I would live out my natural life with her. I couldn't say anything at first but she was crying (and this is a woman who grew up in a culture where displaying emotions this openly is rare) and pleading with me to make that promise.

I ended up making a promise to her that I wouldn't try to hang myself again. My method is SN. I'm aware of how terrible it is for me to try and leave this "technical" opening when she was so desperate. I won't even try to delude myself into thinking that I am not a terrible child. I'm absolutely rotten. I can only hope that my loved ones will be okay - forgiving me is secondary - I just want them to be alright.

You're not a terrible child at all. You told her the truth at a time of huge emotion. When my mum was like that I told her I wouldn't promise anything like that

 

[Moonomyth]

I generally try to make sure anybody who would try to get me to make a promise like that is in no position to do so. It's not very hard.

 

[LiminalFantasies]

I remember when I was on a session with my psycologist and my mom (with my permission to come into the office) and based on what I told her, she decided to make this exercise of where she gives me some kind of "contract" where I would promise to tell any family member avaliable and/or professionals about my urges if I feel like to ctb. Also my mom also told me to promise to her that I wouldn't attempt to ctb and self-harm by any means whatsoever before. For me, those feelings and thoughts goes switching between on and off over time. At times, I feel as if they're trying to keep me alive but I know that hidden within me, I just want to find a world of eternal peace and ever-lasting tranquility. I got mixed feelings to that too, thinking if I go to do that, I would especially hurt my own family as they have done a lot for me. Regarding to promises, I don't think may able to hold a promise like that due that I broke that so many times, especially every time I self-harm.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

About five years ago, I really wanted to commit suicide after my friend who I was in love with ended up getting with someone else even though she was the one who approached me first. I tried to stay friendly and neutral but one day I got drunk at a gaming bar and sent her a manifesto of a text message confessing that I wish I had been faster and just outright told her I liked her from the beginning.

She was very understanding and we ended up having even more intimate talks than ever. One day I relayed to her that I was so suicidal that I just didn't want to go on. She suddenly got very adamant that I not do this because when she was in 3rd grade, someone in her class killed himself too. She was never that close to him nor did she really care about him at first but when she saw how much it devastated everyone else around her it still got to her emotionally. She made me promise her right there that I never commit suicide lest I devastate and traumatize any communities I am a part of. I was able to talk the terms down. I made her aware that me living past 30 while still being lonely was just not an option. We compromised and so I promised her that I would not even attempt to kill myself until I am at least 30 and have proof that there's no chance that I'll ever get married. I was 22 back then, now I'm 27.

I guess the joke's on her now since even though I haven't spoken to her since 2017, I held onto this promise until September 2020 when a different girl came into my life and was so close to being perfect for me that I realized that now that she's out of my life I have no need to hold onto this silly promise anymore. There's even less of a chance that I will ever get married because I've just run out of hope. Even yesterday I made the realization that I shouldn't even be trying to find someone anymore because that would just be the same as forcing someone to choke and suffer under my heavy baggage. Thusly I have decided that I will now CTB when I am 28 instead because I like the number 8 and because there are things I'm hoping to watch that will hopefully be out by 2022.