Have you lost your will to live?

[WorthlessTrash]

If I didn't, I wouldn't be on this site.

Truth is, I don't want to die, but living is just not optimal for me.

 

[Gstreater]

Yes, I haven't had a will to live for years now. Every step abs thing I've done is to make my death easier on everyone else.

 

[Epilogue]

I just pretend that I'm fine even though I'm really REALLY not.

 

[Kassender]

Since this year, yeah.

I had least had hope to change until this point, but even with better conditions or lifestyle i still feel the same.

ive been bedrotting for close to a year now.
I can barely make it through the day when i work.

Ive realized that this is it, this is how my life is going to feel for the next 40 years and i just shut down.

 

[lebrodude]

Yes, Pretty much.

Chronic health condition has ruined me. 2 and a half years of struggle with it.
I think I'm beginning to accept 2025 will be the last year I see.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I never wanted to exist in the first place rather I've only ever wished for the peace of non-existence instead, to me existence is such a terrible, torturous abomination that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, what I ultimately have a problem with is existence itself. I find it a burden to simply be conscious and it's a burden so futile and cruel that I never would have chose, I have no interest in suffering in this horrific world and I find existing to be deeply undesirable in every way possible.

I just want to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, the tragedy to me is how I was forced into this existence of pointless suffering when really never existing was perfection, my wish to die is a result of being aware. Personally I'd always prefer to fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep than suffer in this futile, unnecessary existence just to be tortured by old age and what is so terrifying to me is how existing can literally get way more unbearable at any moment leading to way worse extreme suffering and torture, to me existence truly does feel like the most terrible mistake, I'd never wish for any of this cruelty and suffering.

 

[sanction]

Definitely. We're all forced to play this rigged game of life. A game that most of us can't even win. The cards are not in our favor, no matter how hard we try

It comes a point there is just no more motivation and willpower to keep fighting this meaningless fight

And with the internet now, I'm able to witness thoroughly of what this world REALLY is like. It's a complete jungle, circus, and dump

In the end, for 80-90% of people (even animals), it is simply not worth it. It's a curse to be born

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I have no will to live. Major depressive disorder is brutal.. I barely function, doing the bare minimum. I'm never hungry, don't take care of myself and spend most of my time decaying in my bed. I I know a lot of you on here are depressed but has anyone else completely shut down to life?

Yes, I just stopped living. Rotting away and waiting to find the courage to ctb, hopefully very soon!

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I've become totally anhedonic. Basically a walking dead. I still go about life mostly as usual because I don't want to make myself suffer even more. But I see no point in continuing to exist for much longer. There is just nothing to live for.

 

[sanction]

This world is truly disgusting place. Imagine if prisons don't exist. Some of us probably already been robbed, raped, or murdered long time ago

And that alone says it all. A lot of the "beauty" in this world is simply fake

So now imagine having to survive and defend yourself in this totally artificial and ugly world. Not going completely insane is already a big accomplishment

 

[babouflo201223]

Je n'ai aucune envie de vivre. Le trouble dépressif majeur est brutal. Je fonctionne à peine, je fais le strict minimum. Je n'ai jamais faim, je ne prends pas soin de moi et je passe la plupart de mon temps à me décomposer dans mon lit. Je sais que beaucoup d'entre vous ici sont déprimés, mais est-ce que quelqu'un d'autre s'est complètement fermé à la vie ?

Yes, I'm the same.

Non, je n'ai jamais voulu exister en premier lieu, j'ai simplement souhaité la paix de la non-existence. Pour moi, l'existence est une abomination terrible et torturée qui ne fait que provoquer des souffrances pour le plaisir et des problèmes dont on n'a jamais eu besoin. Ce qui me pose problème en fin de compte, c'est l'existence elle-même. Je trouve que c'est un fardeau de simplement être conscient et c'est un fardeau si futile et cruel que je n'aurais jamais choisi. Je n'ai aucun intérêt à souffrir dans ce monde horrible et je trouve qu'exister est profondément indésirable de toutes les manières possibles.

Je veux juste cesser d'exister en paix et ne plus jamais souffrir. La tragédie pour moi est la façon dont j'ai été forcé à cette existence de souffrance inutile alors que ne jamais exister était la perfection. Mon désir de mourir est le résultat d'être conscient. Personnellement, je préférerais toujours tomber dans un sommeil éternel et sans rêve plutôt que de souffrir dans cette existence futile et inutile juste pour être torturé par la vieillesse. Ce qui est si terrifiant pour moi, c'est de voir comment l'existence peut littéralement devenir bien plus insupportable à tout moment, conduisant à des souffrances et des tortures bien pires. Pour moi, l'existence ressemble vraiment à la plus terrible des erreurs. Je ne souhaiterais jamais aucune de ces cruautés et de ces souffrances.

Non-existence is even not peace as peace is something you can only feel when you exist. Non-existence = nothing.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It's… complicated. I am trying to find purpose in my life, but I feel like I am out of time.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I have. I feel dead already. I also have depression.

Yes i do. But the thing that scares me the most is that I also feel the need to isolate myself, I don't even want to talk to my friends, let alone meet them. I feel like I am completely out of time now, and I don't even want to catch up. It's like I'm slowly fading away, any ambition seems useless to me.

I have also isolated myself from everyone this past year. I can't even text my friends back. I want to be dead already...

 

[Fall_Apart]

I have also isolated myself from everyone this past year. I can't even text my friends back. I want to be dead already...

I know what you mean. I think my life has been nothing but a waste of time, and now I just want to disappear completely without leaving any trace. I've put it off too long, and now at 50 I realize that I'm hopelessly outta time.

 

[danfritz]

Just turned 60 and the sex drive is gone, takings a stupid blue pill seems pointless; just prolonging the effects of getting old. I was 50 pounds overweight, but lost the weight by eating a fourth of what I used to eat so food offers no comfort. I used to drink the hell out of bourbon and martinis until I got really drunk recently and did some really stupid shit (didn't hurt anyone or land in jail, but did stupid shit nonetheless).

So. nothing provides enjoyment. Going to take care of my parents until they pass, then reassess and probably CTB.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I also have depression and spend most of my time in bed, it's horrible. I have bipolar disorder. I'm also afraid of what's happening to me and my body since I am so inactive and I don't see a way out :(. It has never been this bad as it is right now, the feeling in my chest is horrible.

OP, how do you support yourself financially?

I'm 55 and fortunately was able to build a nest egg in my younger years when the depression wasn't bad. I worry what I've done to my body too but I just can't move enough to exercise. I probably haven't even done 10,000 steps in a year! I'm so sorry you feel the same way. It is torture.

Just turned 60 and the sex drive is gone, takings a stupid blue pill seems pointless; just prolonging the effects of getting old. I was 50 pounds overweight, but lost the weight by eating a fourth of what I used to eat so food offers no comfort. I used to drink the hell out of bourbon and martinis until I got really drunk recently and did some really stupid shit (didn't hurt anyone or land in jail, but did stupid shit nonetheless).

So. nothing provides enjoyment. Going to take care of my parents until they pass, then reassess and probably CTB.

I'm right behind you at 55. Getting old is a huge fear of mine. I chose not to have children and my family genetics are bad. That's very nice of you to stick around to help your parents. I wish you the best.

Just turned 60 and the sex drive is gone, takings a stupid blue pill seems pointless; just prolonging the effects of getting old. I was 50 pounds overweight, but lost the weight by eating a fourth of what I used to eat so food offers no comfort. I used to drink the hell out of bourbon and martinis until I got really drunk recently and did some really stupid shit (didn't hurt anyone or land in jail, but did stupid shit nonetheless).

So. nothing provides enjoyment. Going to take care of my parents until they pass, then reassess and probably CTB.

I know what you mean. I think my life has been nothing but a waste of time, and now I just want to disappear completely without leaving any trace. I've put it off too long, and now at 50 I realize that I'm hopelessly outta time.

I'm 55. Life goes by fast but not fast enough for me!

 

[Life'sA6itch]

I have no will to live. Major depressive disorder is brutal.. I barely function, doing the bare minimum. I'm never hungry, don't take care of myself and spend most

I know what you mean. I think my life has been nothing but a waste of time, and now I just want to disappear completely without leaving any trace. I've put it off too long, and now at 50 I realize that I'm hopelessly outta time.

I feel the same, I lay in bed every chance I get and I am certain my muscles have shrunk because of it. Since the heart is a muscle too, maybe this will bet me CTB but it's too slow. I barely function and as long as I put on the most minimal of acts, those around me think everything is great. All while I'm literally stockpiling tetrahydrozoline while trying to decide whether to get a gun instead. Some massive miracle will need to come my way.

 

[outrider567]

Yeah I've lost the will to live and all ability to participate in life. When I go out I feel like a ghost amongst the living. The only thing I see in my future is death.

Pretty much how I feel, not involved with anything or anybody, depressed and lonely for my dead girlfriend

I feel like I lost will to live a long time ago, when i lost my wife.
Severe depression set in right after that.
Everyday feels like torture, 12 years now.
I can't believe I've made it this long.
I still work, commercial diver, I can at least zone out underwater, and the work is always interesting.
12 years of this SHIT is to much for anybody to bare, especially with the severe physical that pain I feel creeping in on me more and more every day, more depression still....
Have I lost my WILL to live ?
Definitely, CTB with a partner, the end of January.
She has had enough of this shit too, years as well.

Hope they find a cure for depression in all forms one day.

Completely shut down to life, as you said....
@dust-in-the-wind

I can relate, losing my longtime girlfriend has destroyed me

I feel like I lost will to live a long time ago, when i lost my wife.
Severe depression set in right after that.
Everyday feels like torture, 12 years now.
I can't believe I've made it this long.
I still work, commercial diver, I can at least zone out underwater, and the work is always interesting.
12 years of this SHIT is to much for anybody to bare, especially with the severe physical that pain I feel creeping in on me more and more every day, more depression still....
Have I lost my WILL to live ?
Definitely, CTB with a partner, the end of January.
She has had enough of this shit too, years as well.

Hope they find a cure for depression in all forms one day.

Completely shut down to life, as you said....
@dust-in-the-wind

I can relate, losing my longtime girlfriend has destroyed me

 

[kril]

I have.
I hope that can change though.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

A long time ago yes, but I kept going because I didn't see another choice. I didn't know how I could purposefully kill myself with success.
Last year reached an all time low and crawled to recovery for the sake of my boyfriend. Improved and got to back to the usual deep sadness that has lived with me for so long.

I feel like I'm still standing due to stubbornness mostly. I hate giving up and ctb feels like giving up. I'm a problem solver and I can't stand having a problem I can't solve.

I'm close to exhausting all my options now as professionals can't seem to help me. Giving a last chance to NHS and giving a last chance to my brain to come up with some solution. After that I don't know, even if I'm doing horribly I can't ctb unless I do some mental gymnastics to avoid guilt. If I ctb, I know I'm putting a death sentence on my bf. He won't cope without me here.

I think I don't have much of a choice, I couldn't forgive myself if he ctb because of me. I don't mind inflicting pain on myself, I can't inflict pain on others.

 

[milkcarton]

I certainly would have if my did not have dependents. I have major depressive disorder since my teens so some 30 years. I have suffered from an episode of severe depression for a good few months and have been on sick leave from work since the end of August. I came on this site searching for a method as I don't think I can go through another episode of severe depression. It's been a really rough autumn. *removed section about OH, I would be far too recognisable by anyone who knows me. I don't really think anyone will accidentally end up on here but just in case*. Last week I was made redundant making my future uncertain. I have a notice period but I have no energy to do anything about it though.

It feels like I am just walking uphill and facing new obstacles. I am tired. I think about my kids a lot, I love them so much. I have thought that I can push through while they still need me. I don't want to hurt them but the rest recent developments have made me think that I may not pull through this episode. I can imagine myself drinking SN when before I was that scared that I was not sure if I could. I have thought about ordering from DMC before it becomes impossible but we have family over for the holidays and a package from said country would raise questions and I would not know what to say.

I feel really guilty for these thoughts. I always wanted family but did wonder whether I should not as I didn't want them having a mother with mental health issues. Well, I was selfish and I did. I feel greatful for having them, and we have a great relationship, but here I am, my biggest fear true, I feel like I can no longer push through.

I have been spending the past couple of days cleaning and throwing a lot of my stuff away like books and clothes. This was not a conscious decision, I have been a bit of a hoarder, but suddenly just felt like I am never going to need them.

Apologies for the rant and not really answering the question, just finding everything quite difficult at the moment.

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

I mean I'm still alive? I don't really feel enthused being alive but I haven't offed myself and I idly think about doing so. But would I? Probably not until my cat dies, my shit family wouldn't be able to take care of another living thing, I'm proof enough of that.

Once my cat dies, I dunno if I'll stick around. It sounds dumb, tying myself to the life of a cat. But fuck it, I love my cat. I'll go through the motions of waking up and trying to function daily for that furball.