have you known anyone personally who ctb?

[kettlevinbarq]

what was your reaction?

a guy I met a couple times and raved with ctb recently. Even though I didn't know him that well, I was really shocked and pretty sad over it. It makes me really sad to think about how much pain he must've been in. Even though ctb stopped his pain, I still wish he was here. I miss him. Seeing all his close friends post on IG about how much they loved him made me cry.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Yes. A guy I knew ctb as he had been physically assaulted / tortured by a guy who went to prison for it, but when the perp was released, the ptsd and terror of him coming after my friend again was too difficult for him to combat and he chose to ctb instead of live in fear. He was a lovely guy who was always so kind to everyone around him, would help anyone with anything, but his pain internally was just too much for him.

I am still so sad for him and angry that the person who did this to him hardly served any time and is out there living his life after he destroyed such a good and genuine human for no reason other than he felt like it.

 

[february in alaska]

One of my close friends when I was 14, and my godmother when I was a lot younger than that.

It's strange, I had so much grief about suicide, but now that I actually have my own solid plans to CTB, I'm mostly just happy that they found peace, and hopeful that I'll be able to join them soon.

 

[DoubleUp8]

I have known several people that ctb. Years ago when I lived in NYC I found my downstairs neighbor who hung himself in his apt. I was the 1 who 1st discovered his body hanging behind the door in apt directly below mine.
Also have known people who died from drug ods that if there's no suicide note u don't know if it's intentional ctb or accidental or homicide. 1 good friend I have his son died from od and he's haunted and emotionally tortured because he doesn't know for certain. I think it was accidental and tell him that but he's still mentally f'ed up because no one can say definitively

 

[timing]

Unfortunately quite a few people at work and family. Read a paper that suicidal tendencies can be genetic. Especially if it's a recent generation. So guess the odds don't look good for me. Because like most people here, I'm damaged and accept suicide and death much more easily than 'normal people'. So i guess ctb is inevitable. Matter of time only.

 

[ForeverBroken]

Two of my son's friends died by ctb. One came to our house almost daily when they were in school. It still hurts. He was like family. And so young. My son and this guys brother still have a hard time with his passing.

 

[FadingFast2023]

My dad was diagnosed with cancer and was able to get seconal from a couple of doctors. Shame we do not have these options anymore.

 

[Broken-Lost]

One of my brothers. It was 1989. He was 19, I was 17.

 

[F@#$]

A friend of mine in high school shot himself. I've had two other friends die " accidentally " I'm pretty sure they weren't accidental.They called my moms 2nd husband's death suicide but I think he was killed. I worked with a kid about 15 years ago that shot himself.

 

[hellispink]

Me personally, no. From my family I will be the first one to ctb.

 

[Soc]

My cousin hung himself in his own garage with his son in the home. Also a work colleague and another more distant relative that I only met once. Quite a few people I guess.

 

[sjoper1980]

Yes one of my friends in Britain used the SN thing and passed away in the summer. That's my method when I get closer to the end as well - terminal cancer.

 

[until death]

My friends killed themselves

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No. I never knew anybody personally irl to begin with throughout my entire life

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I never knew anybody personally irl. But a lot of people I had contact here CTBed :-(

 

[hopeless08]

I never knew anybody personally irl. But a lot of people I had contact here CTBed :-(

How can you know if anyone that was on this site ctbed?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How can you know if anyone that was on this site ctbed?

Most people post a Goodbye thread. When you have more contact with some (here or in other chats) they might tell u when they are gonna do it, sometimes it's possible to find real evidence / obituaries for close contacts. I don't think that a lot of people here just make a goodbye post for fun.

With some cases it may never be proven but when someone doesn't come back after a goodbye thread it is very likely they succeeded.

 

[anhed0nia]

A very dear friend of mine, who was kind of my hero, took her own life in a way that seemed abrupt to some of us. In my mind it's a little confusing, because I considered it to be totally in-character for her, but there was the suggestion that she could have had bad psychiatric side effects from a certain medication, and there's a slight chance it was accidental too, so I'm not always sure--but my baseline feeling was that she was a mature adult who knew the quality of her own life. I was very sorry to miss her and sad at the thought that she was too unhappy to go on, but I figured she was the one who knew whether living another day was really tenable. Most of her oldest and closest friends seemed really angry, like she had abandoned them, like she should have talked to them and gotten their permission--all those common reactions where the bereaved make the death about themselves, not about the person who was suffering too much to continue. Her devastated boyfriend and I privately agreed that she had a right to suicide, that she was a thoughtful and intelligent person and if she felt that she needed to die, she must have had pretty good reasons. We never conveyed any of this to the others, they were hurting too much and it was too fresh for them to be bothered with philosophical arguments. I'd like to think that as time passed they could have adopted a more understanding perspective, but people will grieve however they need to, whether it's rational or sympathetic or not.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Someone off this site back a couple of years ago. We met in person off this site and we were going to go together but I backed out and he went thru with it. He used N.

 

[enstarve]

Lots of people sadly. My family is full of people who ctbed which is kind of sad since half of my bloodline is just,, gone lol

Two of my very close friends went like that too.
First friend hung herself. she had disappeared for a few days and ran away from home. it was late spring of 2016. The search party consisted of me (11, close to 12), my cousin (15), two other friends aged as much as my cousin (i really had no friends so i just hung out with them lol) and the girls parents. She was the first person to ever suggest ctb to me and really opened my mind to it. I knew where she was likely to go, but i was scared to tell the others early in the search because i was afraid. my suspicions were right and i found her body hanging off a tree we used to climb. i fell to my knees and let out the most agonizing scream ever probably. her body was slumped against me in the car. i wanted to vomit. she was 16.

Second friend is a lot more intimate and im a lot more sad thinking about him. We met in 2020 over a messaging app and we never stopped talking for a single day 3 years in a row. We grew extremely close and he felt like a brother to me. we both had shitty lives and relied on eachother to keep going. he promised hed take me away from this cruel place somewhere that we can be happy and no one could hurt us. He broke up with his longtime partner in december of 2021 and his ex painted him out to be a disgusting person in ways i will not speak of. i was completely shocked and heartbroken. i was like: was the only person who made me feel safe in my own skin the same as everyone who perpetrated me? despite it i stayed close to him until he decided to CTB over call with me. i never cried so hard over anyone again. even after he passed i could bring myself to hang up until my phone died. He was 17.

 

[exiled]

My childhood best friend, yes. It's how I found out about SaSu. She was a member here. She caught the bus in 2021 September. I miss her every day and it is forever something that fucked me up.

 

[Adûnâi]

I wish I had known Unity Mitford.

 

[Unattainable666]

Yes, it was someone I met here over a year ago. I'm so broken over him leaving - we should have gone together. Now I'm left behind struggling. I miss him more than anyone will know - it's a physical pain.

 

[piddincir]

Yeah - my wife took her own life 10 weeks ago on Tuesday, I came home from work and found her body, it broke my world in two and destroyed my life as I know it, half of my soul died when I found her and I will join her soon.

Also my Aunt did when I was younger her and her husband had planned a suicide pact, she did and he couldn't but stayed in the house for 6 weeks whilst the body rotted.

That really affected my dad but he's also been devastated by losing my wife too, my whole family has she was really a part of my family in a way more than her own. They all know I will follow her and they know they can't stop me which is hard but I can't live for them sadly

 

[marshmallowfluff]

I worked in child and adolescent mental health services (aged 12-18) and sadly 3 of the young people I cared for killed themselves. 2 of my colleagues also ended their lives. I also have 2 other friends that killed themselves.

 

[kettlevinbarq]

Yeah - my wife took her own life 10 weeks ago on Tuesday, I came home from work and found her body, it broke my world in two and destroyed my life as I know it, half of my soul died when I found her and I will join her soon.

Also my Aunt did when I was younger her and her husband had planned a suicide pact, she did and he couldn't but stayed in the house for 6 weeks whilst the body rotted.

That really affected my dad but he's also been devastated by losing my wife too, my whole family has she was really a part of my family in a way more than her own. They all know I will follow her and they know they can't stop me which is hard but I can't live for them sadly

That's so hard, I'm so sorry.

 

[RichardFirst]

No one personally, but I've known people indirectly. When I was in college, one of the lads in the class below me self-deleted around exam time. I also went to college with someone who's roommate CTBed one night. IT's very common in colleges, but it's not discussed.

 

[flightless bird]

my mom attempted 3 times (prescription pills + alcohol) after my little brother died at the age of 9 due to a renal failure. she was admitted to the icu each time, lost her mind and lively self in the process but i don't blame her, it was just as terrible for me, we all loved him so much, he was a good kid, very special. at 16 i wasn't as brave and smart as my mom but now i understand her completely.

 

[hi-okbye]

I've only known friends of friends who've ctb'd. It's always sad to hear about.

 

[just dave]

I've known lots of people who ctb. 13 years ago on New Year's Day my best friend hung himself in the basement of his home. Since then I think I can count 30 or so others I wasn't AS close with but still knew. Various methods, one stabbed her self during a bad trip which was ruled accidental.

I just hope they all found peace.