Have you experienced bereavement?

[ForeverCaHa]

This question popped into my head last night. By this I mean death/loss in any form, not specifically losing someone to suicide.

I've seen quite a few comments on this forum which show diverse relationships with death. A lot of them I can empathise with; a lot of them I find a bit callous/ignorant. Of course, I'm not saying that you have to experience death to fully understand the implications of suicide, but I think it definitely colours people's approach to the topic.

Curious to know your opinions!

 

[CatLvr]

Oh yeah. The roughest, so far, has been my grandson. He was the healthiest of triplets born 4 months early. He had a stroke that destroyed the entire left hemisphere of his brain, which progressed to spinal meningitis that killed him. He was one month old.

It is a really bizarre feeling to be grateful for the swift death that takes someone so special. And small. But the life he had while he was here was very painful. It is amazing how you can tell. And it wasn't gonna get any better for him, unfortunately. He is MUCH better off where he is now. And I will get to spend all the time I want with him. Some day.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I lost my boyfriend last year , we were engaged. It absolutely destroyed me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yeah, many times over. Worst stint was 9 family deaths from 2018 to 2021.

 

[Namelesa]

No I haven't experienced losing someone I have a close connection to by them dying. I have only lost people cus they left me. For me I would imagine losing someone from dying would feel better than someone leaving me as someone dying wouldn't be my fault (unless I caused it) when someone leaving me is more often cus of me having something wrong with me. Also I could feel better about someone who was struggling with life dying as in death they would no longer be in pain.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes, but life still goes on. Lost my father last year

 

[CatLvr]

Yes, but life still goes on. Lost my father last year

I am so sorry for you loss, as I am for the losses everyone else in this thread, and on SaSu, have suffered through.

 

[Rose Mine]

When I was 12 I was in an inpatient. I got the news that my grandma died when I was there and I ended up staying there a month and going to residential. I never processed it and I never got to say goodbye and it still feels like her death isn't real. I miss her so much even though it's been so long I really wish I could have had a relationship with her passed being a kid. She was a wonderful woman. She always made sure us grandkids were happy and taken care of. Every school year she would buy us new clothes because I think my parents weren't in the spot to do so, or she just wanted to she was like that. I remember sleeping over at her house and having the best times watching movies and eating snacks. When I was in psychosis I thought she was messaging me from the afterlife in my head and through signs.

Around the same year my papa died too. Both to cancer. I was able to go to his funeral but my cousin who sexual assaulted me there so I couldn't focus on what was happening so that also feels fake, maybe it's just how I cope with death though, making it not real. He was also a wonderful man. I remember playing on his arcade machines in the basement while he did whatever down there, he fixed up machines my brother actually has one he gave him. I also remember him driving all the way downtown just to show me and my brother a cool art piece. I wish I had a relationship to him passed being a kid. I also thought about him during psychosis, he made me a book mark and I kept putting the book mark in books I thought he should read because I thought he was connected to that.

Both amazing people taken too soon by cancer. They were both in their 60s. I still have two grandparents but one moved back to their hometown and has dementia or something like that where it is hard to talk to him he is bad with social media. I wrote a letter to him and he was happy I guess but he never responded or texted me when I gave him my number. My grandma is doing well though, I need to get over to her house more it's just hard getting out of bed.

I just realized how long this is. I am sorry lol

 

[deadbidaylight]

The one that hurt the most for me was losing one of my very best friends to stomach cancer in grade 8. We went to his house after school in our PJs because he was too sick to get dressed and was embarrassed. We hung out with him until we all had to go home for dinner, but we promised we'd be back after we ate.

I got in shit because I didn't do my homework so I wasn't allowed to go back until I finished it. I got the phone call from another close friend that he was rushed to the hospital and died of cardiac arrest. Fucking killed me. I told him I'd be back.

For years after (and I mean 15+ years) he would visit me in my dreams, clear as day. Always in each dream he would tell me he was okay. I guess I found comfort in that.

We are slowly watching my partners brother die of a fentanyl addiction. He's been on deaths door for a few years now. I don't care if he dies (he's an all around pos), but I know my partner will so I'm trying to mentally prepare to comfort him when the time comes. It's only a matter of time now.

Last year my partners dad died and I was so fucking happy. He was also a giant pos who made my partners life super stressful, especially after basically abandoning all of them but then needing his support (mostly financially) when the government came after him and he couldn't get free money anymore due to thousands of dollars in child support he didn't pay. He would secretly funnel money to him behind my back because I'd flip out everytime he'd call. Anywho, it was very hard to feel sympathetic when all I wanted to do was a fucking jig on his grave. To top it off, my partner had to pay for his fucking cremation because he couldn't even afford to die. Pos was still sucking money out of him from beyond the grave.

That's enough word vomit for now.

 

[pyranha]

many times, yes. i view death as a neutral thing, its not good or bad, it simply exists, the same way life does. when people die, we feel sad because of the circumstances around it- thoughts about the lives they could've led if they were alive, the things you could've done with them, things of that nature. i miss some of the people i've lost, the pain of it eats at me if i think about it too hard. others were rather horrible individuals and brought nothing but pain to my life, and i struggle to even remember their faces.

what i've learned, though, is no matter how unfair or justified or wrong or right someone was in life, the world will continue to turn when they're gone. death is not a cleanser for good or bad deeds and the only thing it stops is your own life, nothing else. i think life is inherently valuable, i don't think bringing children into the world is an inherently cruel act though id never do it myself- but i also believe the freedom to make our own decisions, even if we're wrong, is like holding liquid gold. life would be so much worse without it. so, i do know what loss feels like, but i know the world at large and those who know me personally will be alright when im gone. i have intense confidence in my friends- they will be alright, and they will go on to lead amazing lives. my family, i genuinely can't muster up enough energy to care either way. if they wanted me to stay so badly, they could've been a little nicer to me. but they'll be fine, too. i'm a known and well documented burden in their lives, as said to my face. being so small in comparison to the universe isn't depressing to me, it's comforting. i can choose what i want to- the world will keep spinning. that's cool!

 

[galaxid]

I lost my parents in 2019(dad) and 2022(mom). Grief is a unique experience every single time, and I dread the idea of going through it again. Should I live long enough, I certainly will.

I've been writing fiction nonstop since I was a kid, novels and short stories, plays and all this other junk. When my dad died, it all fell away. I felt better around 2022, then my mom died. I legitimately believed up until this past November that I would never write again. No matter how hard I tried-- and I tried every single day. I still do. But that grief took away everything I loved about myself. Which that was already pretty limited but y'know.

Now I get to deal (mostly) with the normal run-of-the-mill suicidal depression. Until my birthday, and my mother's birthday, and the date my dad died, and my dad's birthday, and the holidays... etc.

 

[divinemistress36]

I havent lost anyone close to me yet. I probably wont be able to handle it when it does happen especially my dad

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Yes, you already know. My beautiful boyfriend Henry, passed away 8 months ago.

 

[Lyn]

Yeah, many times.
Almost everyone in my family.

That wasn't what influenced my approach to this topic. After all, I had suicidal ideation long before most of these deaths. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me further.

 

[JesiBel]

In 2019, my grandfather (nonno) and uncle passed away. April and August. The best men I've ever met. It was hard to see them at the funeral, in the coffin.

I will always remember them for their adventurous spirit; they loved the outdoors, the river, and exploring new places.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, 3 close family members by the age of 10. I suspect having a severe reaction with bereavement may make us more hesitant to put others thorough it. It's probably the main reason I want to wait for my Dad to go first before I feel able to go.

 

[steveholt]

Too many ...
Too many ...

 

[Michi_Violeta]

My father, when I was 12. He was actually my grandfather, but my biological father abandoned us before I was born so my family took my mother in. He was my father figure, he taught me that being a man wasn't about being a brute, it was about serving others and caring for those you love. I have his last name and I'm proud of that. My childhood wasn't easy, always suffered a lot of bullying, but when he died...I just snapped. I stopped believing in God, I started to misbehave in school, couldn't give a shit about grades.

It was so humiliating watching him die slowly: first his wife died after a long fight with Alzheimer's and then, despite being a very active and healthy person all his life, he lost the ability to walk. I had to help him walk around the apartment, pushing his feet forward while my mom held him up. Then rolling him around in a wheelchair. I remember one afternoon seeing him looking through the window at the mountains with a look of absolute dejection and misery on his face. How could God let that happen to such a beautiful and strong man? Everybody loved him.

I just realized something. Maybe I never recovered from losing him because he died before I became a man. Maybe a reason why this whole ordeal with my ex hurts me so much is because I loved my father and tried to be a man like he was, but she replaced me for an idea of masculinity I've hated all my life. Lo lamento, papi, te fallé: quisiera decir que no fue culpa mía, pero ambos sabemos que lo es. Hice lo que pude, te lo prometo. No pude ser el hombre de la casa.