Have you ever went through something in life that you can't explain to anyone and its something only you and your soul knows? It hurts and its traumatic. It bothers you ever single day of your life and you wonder if you will ever be ok again or if you will ever be healed.
HighFlight
Global Mod
- Jun 28, 2023
- 655
Not exactly, but I have things only I know and can't tell anyone. It bothers me everyday, and don't think I can ever open up. It hurts carrying this secret, but sharing could cause pain to those who are closest to me.
Yeah. I told it a therapist a few years ago and she said I also exhibited the Signs of ptsd and it was logical considering the experiences. I've never spoken about it beyond that one time. Cliche saying but, some wounds do not heal.
WanderingJerboa
Member
- Aug 11, 2023
- 9
Very. It doesn't help that every time I bring it up people try to turn it into a political debate.
Fuck. Off.
I just wanted to vent, not argue over if it should have happened at all.
Fuck. Off.
I just wanted to vent, not argue over if it should have happened at all.
Hikikomori1
Experienced
- Mar 27, 2023
- 289
I go through this every single day because if i was open about my sexual interest to anyone irl i know i would be disowned more than i already am.
It is pretty much the reason i refuse to go outside anymore.
It is pretty much the reason i refuse to go outside anymore.
carac
"and if this is the end, i am glad i met you."
- May 27, 2023
- 1,111
My health condition is mostly invisible, complicated and pretty unique to me. While I have learned to deal with it quite well now, I think it will always be with me haunting and holding me back.
Baron
Is there a meaning to anything?
- Jun 29, 2023
- 114
A few months ago I had my probably worst mental breakdown. It lasted for roughly and hour. It started of with me just crying on the floor for a few minutes and then I cut myself. After that I went to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror. And for some reason my attention was drawn to my right eye, specifically my pupil. And I stared at it for half an hour while crying. I saw something. In the blackness of my eye, there was something, that I had to keep my eyes on. No clue what it was, all I know is that I didn't feel anything, when looking at my eye afterwards. I felt really euphoric that time, like I was hypnotized by it. I still don't understand why I felt that way. Everytime I see myself in the mirror I think back to that moment, where I felt amazing. I want to feel like that again, but I just don't see it like I did then. No clue why, I'm wondering if I could even achieve it again.
Chancerator
Member
- Dec 30, 2020
- 23
Hi. I really resonated with your post. I feel like I could have written those exact words, so I thought I'd tell you a little bit of my story in the hopes that it might make both of us feel a little less alone.
Note: There's a passing mention of sexual abuse below, but there aren't any details/particulars/gory-shit. Even so, I wanted to prepare any readers beforehand!
So, here goes: I have struggled with 'mental illness' for as long as I can remember, and I always assumed that there was just something wrong with ME (my brain, my neurotransmitters, my genes, etc) that made life feel generally awful and unmanageable. Everyone seemed to agree with that assessment. If I wasn't improving, they'd blame it on my lack of commitment to therapy, or my poor lifestyle choices, or my flakiness, or my distrust of medication. Well, earlier this year I found out that I was sexually abused by a caregiver during my childhood. The abuse began when I was 3 and continued for years and years afterward. My brain 'protected' me by causing profound amnesia for anything 'abuse-related,' and all of my mental health symptoms (eating disorders, suicide attempts, self-harm, depression, substance misuse, etc) were the direct result of the abuse I suffered when I was young. I am now beginning to remember what was done to me all those years ago, and it's like re-experiencing everything all over again. It's awful. It's scary. It's painful. And honestly, I don't know if I can keep going. Or, more accurately, I don't know if I want to keep going in a world where people do such horrible things to children (or in a world where they have done such horrible things to me). And while a handful of trusted friends are generally aware of what's been going on in my life (ie. the realization of my abuse history, the flashbacks/memories that are being unearthed), they don't really seem to 'get it.' They still seem to assume that I should be able to 'buck up' and get shit done and keep it all together, even though there are entire hours/days when I'm thrown into 'flashback mode' where I basically become a 5 year old kid experiencing the worst things anyone can fucking imagine. Like, cut me some slack, right?
So, idk. Dealing with any type of trauma can be a lonely and heartbreaking affair, but it is especially lonely and heartbreaking to deal with that trauma while surrounded by people who seem unwilling/unable to understand. I wish I had a fix for you. I wish I had the words to make it better, but I'm just as stumped as you are. Right now, all I can say is this: Your willingness to share you own struggle has made me feel a little less alone in mine. And for that, I thank you greatly.
Note: There's a passing mention of sexual abuse below, but there aren't any details/particulars/gory-shit. Even so, I wanted to prepare any readers beforehand!
So, here goes: I have struggled with 'mental illness' for as long as I can remember, and I always assumed that there was just something wrong with ME (my brain, my neurotransmitters, my genes, etc) that made life feel generally awful and unmanageable. Everyone seemed to agree with that assessment. If I wasn't improving, they'd blame it on my lack of commitment to therapy, or my poor lifestyle choices, or my flakiness, or my distrust of medication. Well, earlier this year I found out that I was sexually abused by a caregiver during my childhood. The abuse began when I was 3 and continued for years and years afterward. My brain 'protected' me by causing profound amnesia for anything 'abuse-related,' and all of my mental health symptoms (eating disorders, suicide attempts, self-harm, depression, substance misuse, etc) were the direct result of the abuse I suffered when I was young. I am now beginning to remember what was done to me all those years ago, and it's like re-experiencing everything all over again. It's awful. It's scary. It's painful. And honestly, I don't know if I can keep going. Or, more accurately, I don't know if I want to keep going in a world where people do such horrible things to children (or in a world where they have done such horrible things to me). And while a handful of trusted friends are generally aware of what's been going on in my life (ie. the realization of my abuse history, the flashbacks/memories that are being unearthed), they don't really seem to 'get it.' They still seem to assume that I should be able to 'buck up' and get shit done and keep it all together, even though there are entire hours/days when I'm thrown into 'flashback mode' where I basically become a 5 year old kid experiencing the worst things anyone can fucking imagine. Like, cut me some slack, right?
So, idk. Dealing with any type of trauma can be a lonely and heartbreaking affair, but it is especially lonely and heartbreaking to deal with that trauma while surrounded by people who seem unwilling/unable to understand. I wish I had a fix for you. I wish I had the words to make it better, but I'm just as stumped as you are. Right now, all I can say is this: Your willingness to share you own struggle has made me feel a little less alone in mine. And for that, I thank you greatly.
