Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain with your suicide to the people you leave behind?

[orange]

I don't truly have anyone I hate enough to burden with this. There are people who have slighted me or annoyed me, but not one person I can pin my problems on.
A friend of mine ctb 2 years ago. No one except his closest friends paid attention. Everyone else was thrilled because we got the day off. No one ever cares, and the people who you may want to hurt with this wouldn't care either. In fact, they would probably laugh. Humans are horrible that way.

agreed. suicide is no way to get back at bullies or abusers.

 

[Desi]

Yes.
i think, consciously or not, i'm waiting for my parents to die so that i can ctb peacefully. My nephews are quite big now, they'll overcome.

 

[WadeingThru]

Man who faced huge tax bill and divorce settlement set fire to his house and flew his plane into the government tax office!!! Sooo satisfying...

I think most folks don't care for taxes but taking it out on your County Tax Assessor Collector is not constructive. Maybe he could have lobbied and petition for a lower property value assessment. I'm curtain the value of his property dropped after he burnt down his house.

 

[nolongerhuman]

I kind of felt like that when I was younger and the things that people had said to me were more recent but now tbh I'd rather not ruin the last few days I have on earth giving any thought to people I dislike. They aren't worth it.

 

[veloran]

I feel like I thought that when I was a young edgy kid, just a little aha now you will finally feel at least a fraction of what I felt, but tbh now I realize how pointless that was. The ones I would've wanted to hurt wouldn't get hurt by it anyways so whats the point. By now though, I lost all the resentment I held before and only the worry of "I'll hurt the people I care about" remains.
Lowkey one of the biggest reasons I didnt ctb yet now that I think abt it.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I felt that way when I was growing up. Due to the constant emotional abuse my parents, and some extended family members, put me through, I was suicidal since I was 6. No to mention, they expected impeccable behavior and perfect grades at all times; any deviation resulted in a barrage of vitriol and rage dumped on me.

So my plan to hurt them was to time my suicide around a bad report card, or getting my clothes dirty. (Yes, my parents punished even for that.) So let's say my teacher called them at work and told them I flunked a test. Now imagine how they'd feel when they got pumped up about punishing me, only to come home and find my cold, dead body instead.

End result: I avoid the actual punishment, AND deprive them of the opportunity to actually punish me. I think that's a bad-ass slap in the face.

 

[whatevs]

There's a strange dichotomy at SS. Half the people say they want to end all the worlds suffering as if they're trying to win the MissWorld pageant. The other half quite openly admit they want others to suffer more because they lost out to the prettier one

Hmm, I have manifested both of these facets of the same shit coin. I think extreme suffering reliably brings both the best and worst from people. Expectedly, those that kill themselves are suffering greatly.

 

[summers]

Probably like this...

Pakistan Identifies Peshawar Suicide Bomber and Network, Police Say (Published 2022)

The attack at a Shiite mosque, claimed by an ISIS affiliate, killed at least 63 people and left nearly 200 wounded.

www.nytimes.com

 

[reignerreigns]

Sadly I think that's true but it doesn't stop me from wanting to hurt the people who hurt me the most when I kill myself.

I've even told a friend or two that if I commit suicide now it will be the fault of my ex and I want everyone to know because he treats women like they have no feelings. I'm not the first woman he's made suicidal with his behavior so I want people to realize the extent of what he puts women through.

Realistically he personally will never care if I kill myself because he already expressed how he doesn't want me in his life. My hope however is that his reputation suffers tremendously and that he will no longer behave like a Casanova type who hurts the women who get closest to him. That's probably pure fantasy but I would love to make him suffer — even if it's only a fraction of how much he put me through.

It's the most exciting part of planning to kill myself.

I cant understand how Women are suicidal over casanovas whilst good men are ignored...this is exactly the reason why i loathr every fiber of me, i wish i were a casanova, but im nothing but the good guy that every woman ignores and think poorly of...its got to the point of my hating my own mother for havinh been able to get into a relationship with the incel of my father, brought me to this cesspool of a hellish world and critized how i feel when i express anything...she says i cant say anything other than complaints...OF COURSE all i do is complain, nothing in my reality works despite everything i try, i loathe my bloodline, i hate god, universe or whatever it is that gave me life just to put me in a world where everyone else can fall ik love, have their requited bond, mate whilst im being spitting in the face with "this is not for you cause youre worthless" ...why the hell do i have a scum of a reproductive organ if it doesnt work...if its a worthless piece of putrid garbage no one wants? Why was i given life if i cant be of any use, if im being shunned EVERY SINGLE TIME?

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Jonathan Franzen said David Foster Wallace had this intention when he killed himself. He was his former best friend. I will make a seperate thread about it soon.
Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain to the people you will leave behind? I try to behave morally in a good way though I admit I once had this thought. Probably because of all the pain I have experienced this has let me become a bitter, narcisisstic and resentful person. But when I think rationally I don't want that my suicide is a revenge to anyone. Franzen said DFW wanted to hurt the ones who loved him the most to get the most pain. Seems to be kind of sick. I am not sure whether I shall believe him.

David Foster Wallace may be famous, but he's not exactly a good role model. Actually he was a pretty fucked up person. He was misogynistic and abusive. So if he was intentionally trying to hurt people through his suicide, it's not surprising and and it's a perfect example of what NOT to do.

I'll admit that I wish I could get back at my wife for abandoning me and divorcing me when I needed support the most. I feel she was closed minded and cruel, because I was doing so much for her and she refused to listen to me. She's deeply flawed, some of it comes from going up in the Soviet Union and aftermath of the fall to capitalism. Trying to make her feel bad about herself will backfire. I just have to accept that what happened is a done deal, I can make her feel some level of responsibility for my suicide but I can't, and shouldn't, try to inflict pain to get revenge.

 

[Reflection]

While I don't want to hurt anybody, I hope at least that who hurt me reflects on what they did when I'm gone, and honors my dying wishes. That's all.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely wouldn't want it to hurt the people I love/loved. That's why I've hung on till now. Once they're gone though, the balance will tip and I'll feel more free to act.

I initially became suicidal due mostly to bullying from a (suspected) narcissist. While I don't think I've ever believed they would be hurt by my death, I suppose in truth, I wanted people to blame them. They're less of the main cause now but I suppose I still feel some comfort in the thought that there are still people who remember where this all began.

As such, I feel less obligation not to hurt the people that supported them too (flying monkeys) and in some way, contributed to the start of all this. I also wonder how much it would actually affect them anyway.

As for people I have lost touch with. Maybe we could all think that those we know could have been more supportive but- were we there for them either always? Maybe they had their own problems to deal with. Unless people have deliberately done spiteful things to harm me, I don't really bear grudges. I don't think we're entitled to be 'saved' by others. So, I hope they don't feel guilty.

At most, I hope maybe it's a wakeup call for people. That there are people in the world who desperately want to leave it and, who likely will. Especially if they have so little reason to stay. Maybe that will make them appreciate the time they have with the people around them. Maybe they will become more conscious to check in on them. That might be enough to sustain other people. It likely wouldn't me but, we're all different.

 

[tbh2023]

That's why I'm still here, I don't want to hurt my family. They might not survive my suicide.

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Jonathan Franzen said David Foster Wallace had this intention when he killed himself. He was his former best friend. I will make a seperate thread about it soon.
Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain to the people you will leave behind? I try to behave morally in a good way though I admit I once had this thought. Probably because of all the pain I have experienced this has let me become a bitter, narcisisstic and resentful person. But when I think rationally I don't want that my suicide is a revenge to anyone. Franzen said DFW wanted to hurt the ones who loved him the most to get the most pain. Seems to be kind of sick. I am not sure whether I shall believe him.

Normally you rather want to hurt the people who have destroyed your life the most. In my case somehow both is right. I think my parents love me though they utterly destroyed my life. I would not care if I destroyed their lives with my suicide because they destroyed mine. But I don't want to hurt them as deep as possible. Seldom I had this thought. But as I said I think this ethically problematic.
Furthermore I think suicide as some sort of revenge often does not work. If these assholes have mocked or bullied you they probably won't care a lot about your death. This is at least my opinion.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

I'd love for my mom to find my dead blue body. I hope she will finally understand the pain and suffering she brings to others and through this she would hopefully treat my sister better.

I know for a fact that nothing would change as a true narcisist will never realize they do anything wrong and will probably blame my death purely on mental health issues without taking any responsibility with her actions.

 

[Richard Langford]

No.

 

[blacksand]

I have. And I will. Namely via not leaving any note.

 

[Reflection]

I know for a fact that nothing would change as a true narcisist will never realize they do anything wrong and will probably blame my death purely on mental health issues without taking any responsibility with her actions.

Even "normal" people would never want to admit that suicide can be caused by how treated someone etc... they just end up chalking it up to some bogus explanation like how that person having "many unresolved issues" and start preaching about therapy and shit like that. Most people would never admit accountability over someone's death. Even if you leave a note explaining everything it could just be viewed as a "revenge suicide". You will be blamed for it either way.

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Even "normal" people would never want to admit that suicide can be caused by how treated someone etc... they just end up chalking it up to some bogus explanation like how that person having "many unresolved issues" and start preaching about therapy and shit like that. Most people would never admit accountability over someone's death. Even if you leave a note explaining everything it could just be viewed as a "revenge suicide". You will be blamed for it either way.

Yeah so true!
Which is also the reason why i can't bother with it.

 

[Namelesa]

I know that my suicide will cause pain onto my family which makes me want to do it even more as they deserve to grief over my death as they created and trapped me here, causing my suffering in the first place and to make my life even worse and not allowing me to end it. If I am able to die, they have inflicted this pain onto themselves as its all their fault that this has happened to them. That's why in my note I have written it to be as hateful as possible.