Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain with your suicide to the people you leave behind?

[noname223]

Jonathan Franzen said David Foster Wallace had this intention when he killed himself. He was his former best friend. I will make a seperate thread about it soon.
Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain to the people you will leave behind? I try to behave morally in a good way though I admit I once had this thought. Probably because of all the pain I have experienced this has let me become a bitter, narcisisstic and resentful person. But when I think rationally I don't want that my suicide is a revenge to anyone. Franzen said DFW wanted to hurt the ones who loved him the most to get the most pain. Seems to be kind of sick. I am not sure whether I shall believe him.

Normally you rather want to hurt the people who have destroyed your life the most. In my case somehow both is right. I think my parents love me though they utterly destroyed my life. I would not care if I destroyed their lives with my suicide because they destroyed mine. But I don't want to hurt them as deep as possible. Seldom I had this thought. But as I said I think this ethically problematic.
Furthermore I think suicide as some sort of revenge often does not work. If these assholes have mocked or bullied you they probably won't care a lot about your death. This is at least my opinion.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

 

[thisplaceisaprison]

I'd rather it not impact anyone honestly because it's not about hurting anyone else.

 

[noname223]

I'd rather it not impact anyone honestly because it's not about hurting anyone else.

I agree to your point of view a lot.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

No.

I generally like the people I leave behind . I have been trying to wait until they reach their natural deaths but that could be a long time

My problems are not family related . I cannot stand to live in a universe that just seems to get worse all the time for the humans

 

[thisplaceisaprison]

I agree to your point of view a lot.

Yeah, I don't think there's any point of doing it to spite anyone because it's probably not going to affect them the way the person thinks. I just don't want to be here. It's not to cause drama or cause anyone else harm. I messed up. I'm tired. I don't feel like going through the motions. I don't really look forward to anything anymore and I'm pretty at peace with my choice. I just hate that it is impossible to not hurt family members.

 

[Karik892]

Paining relationships is the only mandatory selfish part in ctb ... but nobody ctb for fun, so people should understand that there is no personnal grievance and no harm intention in such act

 

[_Minsk]

I did think about this a few times. I think it's common, not saying its good or optimal but when we feel wronged and pushed towards ctb by some people its normal to want them to get their credit.
But after all we just hurt ourselves with this i think. I would prefer going in a state of peace if i can. At times we can't rule out the possibility of misinterpreting some action by others as well

 

[Gsvko]

I'm pretty sure that if I leave a certain note, it'd cause a lot of suffering to one person or even their ctb. It's tempting sadly, but I'm not gonna do it, just peacing tf out.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I just want to end my suffering. I do not want to cause other people any pain. To me, it does not matter how other people react after my death as I will not be there to see it.

 

[dissociation_statio]

Sort of. Inconvenience, at least. My father doesn't necessarily care about any of his kids more than he would a very expensive houseplant. The man loves his boat. The amount of times I've thought about making a bloody mess of his boat on my way out is...probably excessive. It would be a 15 hour drive for one last middle finger.

 

[Mr2005]

There's a strange dichotomy at SS. Half the people say they want to end all the worlds suffering as if they're trying to win the MissWorld pageant. The other half quite openly admit they want others to suffer more because they lost out to the prettier one

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Furthermore I think suicide as some sort of revenge often does not work. If these assholes have mocked or bullied you they probably won't care a lot about your death.

Sadly I think that's true but it doesn't stop me from wanting to hurt the people who hurt me the most when I kill myself.

I've even told a friend or two that if I commit suicide now it will be the fault of my ex and I want everyone to know because he treats women like they have no feelings. I'm not the first woman he's made suicidal with his behavior so I want people to realize the extent of what he puts women through.

Realistically he personally will never care if I kill myself because he already expressed how he doesn't want me in his life. My hope however is that his reputation suffers tremendously and that he will no longer behave like a Casanova type who hurts the women who get closest to him. That's probably pure fantasy but I would love to make him suffer — even if it's only a fraction of how much he put me through.

It's the most exciting part of planning to kill myself.

 

[Hurt]

Well. That's what keeps me from doing it. I don't know how long I can stand this.

 

[meghead]

I try not to think about it. This thought had made my previous attempts unsuccessful. I think that the people around me won't really care if I disappear; I think that they would only be upset from my suicide because of the context that it was suicide. (Does that make sense? It's only sad to them because the situation of suicide is sad, not because they lost me.) I don't know how I can avoid hurting some people. Distancing myself won't do anything. I've been holding myself back from suicide so that the people around me don't get hurt but continuing to live has hurt me.

 

[mandyjohnuk]

In reality if your hear and committed to end it all then your totally void of any feelings to or for anyone else.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No. I do not hold myself responsible for the feelings of other people - not anymore. I do not want relationships in my life which means that there is no longer an obligation to stay alive for others; just as in the same way that so-called "friends" have left me in the past with no consideration for my feelings. It works both ways, or neither.

 

[OldDrummer]

Never. Suicide as revenge is the worst.

Be mindful of those you leave behind, be forgiving. It's all about your intentions.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

That's literally exactly what I'm planning to do with my suicide.

 

[Shu]

I know it's going to devastate my family and I hate myself for being so selfish and doing this to them.. i do. It's probably going to kill my parents quicker.. I am so selfish.. but I don't want to live anymore for some reason. I feel like it's for the best.

 

[Nolan96]

There's a strange dichotomy at SS. Half the people say they want to end all the worlds suffering as if they're trying to win the MissWorld pageant. The other half quite openly admit they want others to suffer more because they lost out to the prettier one

I feel like there's honestly something profound here.
The people here are often those who have probed the lowest depths of suffering and existential despair. The sorts who'd found some kind of religion in centuries past.
And I see the same sort of mixture of love and hate for mankind in religious thinking.

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

Jonathan Franzen said David Foster Wallace had this intention when he killed himself. He was his former best friend. I will make a seperate thread about it soon.
Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain to the people you will leave behind? I try to behave morally in a good way though I admit I once had this thought. Probably because of all the pain I have experienced this has let me become a bitter, narcisisstic and resentful person. But when I think rationally I don't want that my suicide is a revenge to anyone. Franzen said DFW wanted to hurt the ones who loved him the most to get the most pain. Seems to be kind of sick. I am not sure whether I shall believe him.

Normally you rather want to hurt the people who have destroyed your life the most. In my case somehow both is right. I think my parents love me though they utterly destroyed my life. I would not care if I destroyed their lives with my suicide because they destroyed mine. But I don't want to hurt them as deep as possible. Seldom I had this thought. But as I said I think this ethically problematic.
Furthermore I think suicide as some sort of revenge often does not work. If these assholes have mocked or bullied you they probably won't care a lot about your death. This is at least my opinion.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

It's awful, and selfish, but there is a *small* part of me that wants my recent ex-partner, the love of my life, my absolute soul mate, who ended our relationship absolutely abruptly and with no warning, to hurt. I want them to feel the pain that I've felt by losing them. However, I also don't want them to think badly of me, that I'm being over-dramatic and this is just because of them (and it isn't, entirely). So.. mixed bag, I guess.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Sort of. Inconvenience, at least. My father doesn't necessarily care about any of his kids more than he would a very expensive houseplant. The man loves his boat. The amount of times I've thought about making a bloody mess of his boat on my way out is...probably excessive. It would be a 15 hour drive for one last middle finger.

Haha, that would be awesome to just totally slaughter the boomers boat.

I've seen a lot of entitled boomers who were very aggressive anti social types who suddenly lost everything and I get a lot of schadenfreude from it

Everyone loves to see evil people taken down a peg. I count as a blessing I lived to see many war criminals die

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Jonathan Franzen said David Foster Wallace had this intention when he killed himself. He was his former best friend. I will make a seperate thread about it soon.
Have you ever imagined how you could inflict the most pain to the people you will leave behind? I try to behave morally in a good way though I admit I once had this thought. Probably because of all the pain I have experienced this has let me become a bitter, narcisisstic and resentful person. But when I think rationally I don't want that my suicide is a revenge to anyone. Franzen said DFW wanted to hurt the ones who loved him the most to get the most pain. Seems to be kind of sick. I am not sure whether I shall believe him.

Normally you rather want to hurt the people who have destroyed your life the most. In my case somehow both is right. I think my parents love me though they utterly destroyed my life. I would not care if I destroyed their lives with my suicide because they destroyed mine. But I don't want to hurt them as deep as possible. Seldom I had this thought. But as I said I think this ethically problematic.
Furthermore I think suicide as some sort of revenge often does not work. If these assholes have mocked or bullied you they probably won't care a lot about your death. This is at least my opinion.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

I think the desire for revenge and sabotage are common emotions. For a while, I wanted to set fire to my local hospital before I CTB, because the 'help' they gave me with my chronic pain was so utterly insufficient and the staff were so incompetent, it made me so angry. I wanted to hurt people for treating me like I didn't matter - 'You think it doesn't matter how you treat me? WELL, IT FUCKING DOES!!!' - was the general statement behind my desire. An extreme version of this is the traditional American High school Shooting - from what I can make out, these people are usually getting revenge on those who they believe have severely wronged them - 'I BET YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T TREAT ME THAT WAY NOW!!!'

I also thought about waiting for my family to go out, and then pouring petrol/gasoline everywhere and setting fire to the house, then driving somewhere to CTB. My thinking there is to destroy everything for everyone, all the memories of our family history, a complete and utter END to everything that came before; a FORCED moving-on, whether they like it or not. I'm gone, it's all gone, and you have no say in the matter. I still like the idea of this, but I wouldn't do it because then my CTB would be very stressful, with the police looking for me.

The 2nd story in the bible deals with feelings of revenge and sabotage - Abel seems to have been born with the privilege of constant good fortune, whilst Cain can't seem to do anything right, so he kills Abel out of spite and resentment - 'If my life is going to be shit, why the hell should yours be good?' - but then Cain is cursed by God to be poor and miserable forever!

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I think the desire for revenge and sabotage are common emotions. For a while, I wanted to set fire to my local hospital before I CTB, because the 'help' they gave me with my chronic pain was so utterly insufficient and the staff were so incompetent, it made me so angry. I wanted to hurt people for treating me like I didn't matter - 'You think it doesn't matter how you treat me? WELL, IT FUCKING DOES!!!' - was the general statement behind my desire. An extreme version of this is the traditional American High school Shooting - from what I can make out, these people are usually getting revenge on those who they believe have severely wronged them - 'I BET YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T TREAT ME THAT WAY NOW!!!'

I also thought about waiting for my family to go out, and then pouring petrol/gasoline everywhere and setting fire to the house, then driving somewhere to CTB. My thinking there is to destroy everything for everyone, all the memories of our family history, a complete and utter END to everything that came before; a FORCED moving-on, whether they like it or not. I'm gone, it's all gone, and you have no say in the matter. I still like the idea of this, but I wouldn't do it because then my CTB would be very stressful, with the police looking for me.

The 2nd story in the bible deals with feelings of revenge and sabotage - Abel seems to have been born with the privilege of constant good fortune, whilst Cain can't seem to do anything right, so he kills Abel - 'If my life is going to be shit, why the hell should yours be good?' - but then Cain is cursed by God to be poor and miserable forever!

The Bible story is horse shit. It's very clear the Bible is designed to protect traditionally wealthy classes. Remember in there they tell you not to covet. Well, in some sense that is wonderful advice. But you absolutely must covet when something has been stolen from you.

Imagine some medieval lord telling the peasant "you must not covet" when the peasant is the one doing all the real work and the lord steals it. That's really why that verse is in the buy bull

Anyone who takes revenge on evil state or corporate entities during CTB is a hero. I'm not talking about some dumbass shooting up a random Walmart - but what is awesome is when they kick government ass like gavrilo princip did

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't mind shocking and saddening my ex gf who callously ditched me after saving her life.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Sort of. Inconvenience, at least. My father doesn't necessarily care about any of his kids more than he would a very expensive houseplant. The man loves his boat. The amount of times I've thought about making a bloody mess of his boat on my way out is...probably excessive. It would be a 15 hour drive for one last middle finger.

That would be quite a symbolic statement - forcing him to look at the boat and your blood at the same time - which one do you care about more?!

The Bible story is horse shit. It's very clear the Bible is designed to protect traditionally wealthy classes. Remember in there they tell you not to covet. Well, in some sense that is wonderful advice. But you absolutely must covet when something has been stolen from you.

Imagine some medieval lord telling the peasant "you must not covet" when the peasant is the one doing all the real work and the lord steals it. That's really why that verse is in the buy bull

Anyone who takes revenge on evil state or corporate entities during CTB is a hero. I'm not talking about some dumbass shooting up a random Walmart - but what is awesome is when they kick government ass like gavrilo princip did

We'll agree to disagree on the bible stories.

Have you read about the 2010 Austin suicide attack? Man who faced huge tax bill and divorce settlement set fire to his house and flew his plane into the government tax office!!! Sooo satisfying...

2010 Austin suicide attack - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[LastFlowers]

My suicide will not be inflicting any valid or genuine pain, no matter how I go about it, I don't even have a say in the matter.

In order to inflict pain, you must first have something of value to take away from someone (or withhold), none of my relatives even care to know who I am as a person nor my suffering, never mind actually getting to the point of valuing me or cherishing me the way they do so with others, the way they would need to in order to feel loss.

I'm basically dead already as far as my family is concerned.
I am not even a person.
I have no friendships outside of some connections with people here, for multiple different reasons, including the fact that I can't maintain them-even from a distance-because my situation doesn't allow for the time and energy to be displaced outside of myself, I've got nothing left to give and I already gave out enough loans whilst running on empty, so to speak.

I could kill myself right now and literally rot in my room for weeks on end without anyone knowing, my mother would probably be the first to realize something was wrong-more amiss than usual-but if she kept it to herself, 'I' could probably go years without anyone knowing the difference, especially prior to my somewhat recent attempts at maintaining any small familial connections I've kept.
And either way, the upkeep has been of my own doing, if I'm going to be ignored time and time again when I'm trying my damnedest in the only ways I can while being stuck in a 24/7 torture session, then eventually I am going to give the fuck up.
When I let go of the figurative string, the entire length drops, and I realize the other person has let go a long, long time ago.

In truth, I do want them to suffer, I want them all to live my life from start to finish and realize that there was a human being underneath all that suffering who they willfully neglected to see and hear.
I want their own fortunes and memories to be erased completely and to start fresh as a writhing infant, in my body, enduring all the way to the miserable end where they beg for death the same as I have, when they feel it, all of it, when they look around and realize they have no one, no thing, no sense of living life at all, merely recollections of surviving pure, unadulterated hell-with a future only dimmer still..the desperation, the humiliation, the suffocation, the isolation, the grief, the gross inequality, the agony, the reality.
And then I would like to greet them at that moment, I as them and them as 'me', I would like to offer them the compassion I never received and say "I understand", and hear that heartfelt statement in return.
Then I would give back what was taken, even though I would still perish without the same.


But simply suffering over my death?
That's never going to fucking happen.
And neither is my imagined, more deserved scenario.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

I honestly struggle with this idea that when you suicide it is this tragic thing that YOU do TO the people left behind.
I do understand that those who love you will naturally mourn for you and be saddened by losing you etc. But just cos you decided to suicide instead of dying in other ways (I mean like car crashes etc.) it is hurting others more? You're dead in the end, regardless of how?
Guess where I am coming from is this idea that suicide is selfish and how "dare" you hurt people like that... in all honesty yes suicide is selfish, cos you can't handle the struggles of living... but if people believe you suicide cos you want to hurt them or get revenge, I think it's a silly notion. Ending my life would be to end my pain. If it causes you pain, well that's just a consequence of having loved/known me.
The way I see it, I want to die to stop the hurt I cause in the lives of everyone around me as well as myself. I may cause some more hurt when I suicide, but that would be the very last time I ever hurt anyone or myself.
A little off your topic there, sorry for that however I do agree with some opinions here that if you tried to get revenge on someone by killing yourself that would only work of those really cared about you and would then feel remorse. Yet we are told that when someone decided to suicide and we didn't stop them that it isn't our fault... so yes, I don't know

My suicide will not be inflicting any valid or genuine pain, no matter how I go about it, I don't even have a say in the matter.

In order to inflict pain, you must first have something of value to take away from someone (or withhold), none of my relatives even care to know who I am as a person nor my suffering, never mind actually getting to the point of valuing me or cherishing me the way they do so with others, the way they would need to in order to feel loss.

I'm basically dead already as far as my family is concerned.
I am not even a person.
I have no friendships outside of some connections with people here, for multiple different reasons, including the fact that I can't maintain them-even from a distance-because my situation doesn't allow for the time and energy to be displaced outside of myself, I've got nothing left to give and I already gave out enough loans whilst running on empty, so to speak.

I could kill myself right now and literally rot in my room for weeks on end without anyone knowing, my mother would probably be the first to realize something was wrong-more amiss than usual-but if she kept it to herself, 'I' could probably go years without anyone knowing the difference, especially prior to my somewhat recent attempts at maintaining any small familial connections I've kept.
And either way, the upkeep has been of my own doing, if I'm going to be ignored time and time again when I'm trying my damnedest in the only ways I can while being stuck in a 24/7 torture session, then eventually I am going to give the fuck up.
When I let go of the figurative string, the entire length drops, and I realize the other person has let go a long, long time ago.

In truth, I do want them to suffer, I want them all to live my life from start to finish and realize that there was a human being underneath all that suffering who they willfully neglected to see and hear.
I want their own fortunes and memories to be erased completely and to start fresh as a writhing infant, in my body, enduring all the way to the miserable end where they beg for death the same as I have, when they feel it, all of it, when they look around and realize they have no one, no thing, no sense of living life at all, merely recollections of surviving pure, unadulterated hell-with a future only dimmer still..the desperation, the humiliation, the suffocation, the isolation, the grief, the gross inequality, the agony, the reality.
And then I would like to greet them at that moment, I as them and them as 'me', I would like to offer them the compassion I never received and say "I understand", and hear that heartfelt statement in return.
Then I would give back what was taken, even though I would still perish without the same.


But simply suffering over my death?
That's never going to fucking happen.
And neither is my imagined, more deserved scenario.

Makes me wish those soul swapping movies were actually real hey. I never thought of it the way you articulated but honestly I would love for the exact same thing!

 

[orange]

of all the people who've hurt me along the way the only person my suicide will bother in any way is my mother. children are an investment, and she's gonna find out she made a bad financial decision real soon.
Not that i'll go out of my way to hurt her either, i've thought about it yes, and the worst i've come up with are snarky notes. i'd rather keep my dignity lmfao.

 

[ghostunderthelight]

I don't truly have anyone I hate enough to burden with this. There are people who have slighted me or annoyed me, but not one person I can pin my problems on.
A friend of mine ctb 2 years ago. No one except his closest friends paid attention. Everyone else was thrilled because we got the day off. No one ever cares, and the people who you may want to hurt with this wouldn't care either. In fact, they would probably laugh. Humans are horrible that way.