My so-called best friend since year 7 manipulated me a few months ago into travelling to the US with her to stay there. She was my sister to me, we've had a long history since high school. We went to college after school after taking a gap year because I couldn't handle sixth form alone. She met some guy online back in high school I think and she only told me when we were in college. He was much older than her. I didn't think much of it. They were friends at first and then in college, she told me he's her boyfriend and all. An incident happened to me later that year because of her which drove me to suicide but instead of blaming her, I put the blame on myself. I still do. The whole of last year was the worst. I was going to ctb in August 2018 but I didn't because of a stupid reason.
Anyway, I regret not ending my life back then because after that, she kept saying that she has to go to the US because she needs to be with him and that she can't stay here in the UK anymore. She was making me go with her and used a reason against me to make me go with her. I went along with it until I went downhill again in mid-October. Started cutting again after being clean for 5 years. Binged and purged every meal for the whole of November.
Then came the date of the flight. 8th of December. I still remember the feeling. I didn't want to go. I told her so many times that I didn't. She was so selfish and didn't care about my feelings. She said things like she will commit suicide if I don't go with her. She even said "took the first pill, here comes the second one" but I knew she was lying. It's bad but my voice in my head said "just commit suicide". She was never going to commit suicide, she was just emotionally blackmailing me. I'm a horrible person for thinking that but I just couldn't take her dominance over me. She was even telling me to go to her bank, take her passport and passbook and get her money out. I was covering my face back then and I told her what if they ask to remove it and they see I'm not you and they call the police and I go to jail, she just kept saying that it won't happen and that I was being silly. She clearly didn't give a shit. I did horrible things, I had to take my mother's money and transfer it to her because she said we needed it to live there. She was using me and I knew it which is why I even suggested that she goes and I stay here. She was really adamant on making me go with her and said that if I don't go, then she won't either and will commit suicide.
I still remember dreading it, it was 4am and I was getting ready for a flight that I didn't even want to go on. Just when I had to leave, inside my heart I hoped that something will stop us from going. We got in the cab and we were at Heathrow airport. Just when she was throwing my things since my suitcase was overweight, the police were there and asked for our passports. We were reported missing by our parents, we had to sit and be interrogated from 8am until 6pm. I wasn't allowed to go home so I had to stay at my aunt's house.
Oh, just to add. The police took our phones and it seems that the older "boyfriend" of hers was part of a sex ring or something. I still can't believe it when my family told me after the police told them. I don't know who to trust anymore, they told me that my so-called friend was leading me in a dangerous path. I'm still waiting for the police to close the case so they can tell me everything since it's still hard to believe.
Sorry for the long post, I instantly thought of this incident when I saw the title. The severe anger and distress is still there and it'll never seem to go away. To make the pain go away, I'll end my life soon.
