Have you ever felt guilty about being loved?no matter how random the reason. Did you feel like you weren't worthy of something as simple as that? If so, why? And how did/do you deal with this in your daily life and with displays of affection in general?
No,because I've never been loved. Love is a lie. Don't fall for it.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 3,485
Yeah, pretty much for most of my life. Even when I was a child I would cry myself to sleep over the guilt I felt for being such a burden to those who loved me the most. Those feelings haven't been as bad these past few months, though I do still find myself feeling guilty at times, especially when it comes to my bf who honestly deserves better than me. I still have no clue as to how to deal with this issue.
Yes. I hate how awkward it makes me. Had to isolate because its just not fair on friends or family when I just can't feel anything to reciprocate, am just there, being a burden.
This then in turn sets off all sorts of spirals at how ridiculous and selfish I am for avoiding what so many wish they could experience. And there is so much hate in the world why am I so privileged and such a dick about it. Urgh.
This then in turn sets off all sorts of spirals at how ridiculous and selfish I am for avoiding what so many wish they could experience. And there is so much hate in the world why am I so privileged and such a dick about it. Urgh.
I figure if I was worthy of it I'd have someone that does actually love me and doesn't just pretend to
I only began to disbelieve in this idea when I learned to love people. Love does exist, but it is hard to find an honest one
I'm genuinely happy that you've improved a bit in this regard. Congratulations :)
I'm sure your boyfriend is proud of you for still trying to be better everyday
People really started to love me when I understood that I simply had to accept my weirdness and be genuinely me, because they understood that they could be just as weird. I don't think it's a question of deserving to be loved, everyone deserves that. But knowing how to find someone who truly understands you and accepts you. That's the hard part. But you can do it. I trust you
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-nobodyknows-
Arcanist
- Jun 16, 2024
- 430
I don't know if it's the sort of guilt you're thinking of, but I do feel guilty about being suicidal when I have people who care about me.
Well that's lucky for you, but unfortunately people only love me when I'm not myself, so there's no point.
I understand. I still hope you can find someone who loves you. Good luck my bro
Invisible23
Numb🥀
- Nov 13, 2024
- 10
I've always felt that I don't deserve love and that I'm a burden to anyone around me and for that I have a ton of guilt. I have pushed many people away because of that. The only time I tried to accept love turned into a disaster that I can't fix.
This was exactly the kind of guilt I was referring to when I made this post and, honestly, it's horrible. Even if you are a good person, your mind haunts you making you think you are a monster. Horrible.
Mayfly
Dorkmaxxing
- Feb 17, 2023
- 37
Feels like I'm wasting their time
Like I'm lying to everyone
Like I'm lying to everyone
LostLily
Why do I exist?
- Nov 18, 2024
- 29
coolgal82
she/her, terminally silly :3
- Sep 10, 2024
- 305
yeah, with my parents cus they still love me despite how awful i am and have been to them. i dont get it. i wish they just hated me tbh it'd be so much easier mentally.
also with my besties tbh like i feel like i dont deserve them im a bad friend i dont contribute anything to the friendship. i sometimes wanna just cut them off just because i dont deserve them like they're just such awesome people and im just awful. sometimes it feels more like "oh theyre cool and im the fucking worst" sometimes its like "theyre basically living gods im so far below them i dont even deserve to know them personally", every day is like a civil war of trying not to ruin the friendship for one reason or another (either that or they do something that makes me think theyre cringe awful terrible people and i hate them for like a day before going back to loving them, and i just stay off of discord cus i know if we fought i'd be seen as the bad one)
also with my besties tbh like i feel like i dont deserve them im a bad friend i dont contribute anything to the friendship. i sometimes wanna just cut them off just because i dont deserve them like they're just such awesome people and im just awful. sometimes it feels more like "oh theyre cool and im the fucking worst" sometimes its like "theyre basically living gods im so far below them i dont even deserve to know them personally", every day is like a civil war of trying not to ruin the friendship for one reason or another (either that or they do something that makes me think theyre cringe awful terrible people and i hate them for like a day before going back to loving them, and i just stay off of discord cus i know if we fought i'd be seen as the bad one)
Not exactly guilt as much as distrust a lot of the time. That they loved my Mum and it's because they think they see my Mum in me that they love me. (She died over 40 years ago.)
Also, that it's an emotion that varies in strength. People often seem to feel/ express love when they are fearful and in need of support. Especially if their usual sources are taken away- even briefly. eg. Their partner is away. I get tired of being needed and then dropped when someone better comes along.
I tend to get more emotional when I feel people love me. If someone hugs me tightly, chances are, I'll cry. I tend to associate love with loss because a lot of the people I've loved, I've lost. I also feel bad because- if they do love me, maybe they will feel a similar loss if I do CTB.
I'm very isolated though so, I don't tend to experience it so much now.
Also, that it's an emotion that varies in strength. People often seem to feel/ express love when they are fearful and in need of support. Especially if their usual sources are taken away- even briefly. eg. Their partner is away. I get tired of being needed and then dropped when someone better comes along.
I tend to get more emotional when I feel people love me. If someone hugs me tightly, chances are, I'll cry. I tend to associate love with loss because a lot of the people I've loved, I've lost. I also feel bad because- if they do love me, maybe they will feel a similar loss if I do CTB.
I'm very isolated though so, I don't tend to experience it so much now.
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