Have you ever feel like a wasted potential?

[niki wonoto]

Have you ever feel like a wasted potential?

I know that we're all here for different reasons or factors. But as a failed 40 years old musician from Indonesia, despite everybody telling me that I'm musically very talented (I compose/write songs/music too; used to have a band & perform quite a lot in many stages & events, although just small ones), but here I am now just being a nobody/nothing & basically to be honest a failure/loser who is just rotting away.

A lot of people have told me that I'm smart, a 'deep' person, unique, different, a kind/good person, empathic person, etc etc etc. But everything it all doesn't matter, because in the end, the harsh reality is here I am now I don't know what to do anymore.

I hate to say this, but maybe my life being quite a privileged one (or even pampered/spoiled) might ironically be one of the main causes for me becoming like this. But on the other hand, I know it's also not that simple. I do admit that mainly it's all because of my own faults/mistakes too: I've made wrong decisions, or more like inactions, being indecisive, missing all the good chances/opportunities when I was young back then a long time ago. It's like my personality & characters is more like a curse than a blessing. My 'dark side' seems to have won over my 'good side', sadly. And this includes (ironically again) my almost obsessive, autistic curiosity to read & find out by myself a lot of 'deeper' (& darker) things about life, this world, philosophy, existence, reality, etc etc (mostly from the internet/online,). I know it's stupid & ridiculous that what I've read all these times have actually causing my own downfall (I don't even know anymore if it's ironic or tragic or just basically another pointless, meaningless, & random things happened with no purpose, at least in nihilistic way of seeing life & this existence).

It's really sad, crushing, frustrating, heartbreaking, & depressing, when I see almost everybody else or people seems to get ahead in their lives; while here I am just too depressed now (been diagnosed with major depression two years ago) to do anything, mostly because I honestly, seriously think/feel that maybe everything it's already too late now, to fix everything, since I'm not that young anymore, and also I've wasted so many good opportunities & chances. I don't know. I feel like a big, total failure/loser, but it's just so ironic & tragic that I've basically become such a waste potential (or wasted talents). I feel like a waste trash or a waste of oxygen that should not exist, but still exist anyway..

Sorry if this got too long

Have anyone here perhaps also relate & feel like a wasted potential too? I would love to hear your stories, thank you.

 

[socrates]

Humans don't have "potential" that's just a toxic idea that puts unrealistic expectations on people. It teaches you that your worth is dependent on what you do for others. From my experience the most successful people always feel like they are the biggest failures. When you have one opportunity you take it, but if you have multiple opportunities you will always question your decision. Weather you are successful or not we always end up in the same place.

Zeno of Citium might chime in here about choosing to be happy, and learning to love your fate, But I don't have the energy for him anymore.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I am wasted potential. If I was the correct sex, I would have done something with my life instead of hating it.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

Yes, I relate to that.

 

[Not.Flugel]

Of course, I doubt you could get a better starting position than me, still fucked it up so eh :)

 

[PurpleParadigm]

Always. Everyone told me I was lazy even when I was always on the move, doing something, never idle. Turns out I had ADHD all these years, as well as anxiety and chronic depression.

Years of hating myself, working against my mind have left it broken. I struggle to focus, can't remember, can't see even the most obvious things. It feels like early onset dementia. The mental decline is catastrophic and the number of opportunities many would kill to have that I had wasted are innumerable. Each wasted one just keeps adding to the pain.

 

[nerve]

All the time! writing was my thing growing up. i had some poems published, wrote novel-length stories every year or so, and usually had at least one other project going on, even if it was just fanfiction i scribbled down at lunch. based on the feedback id get, i apparently did pretty well! it felt great to actually be good at something for once!

my mental health worsened for lots of reasons, i took a break from writing, and when i came back, i felt like an entirely different person because it was just so much harder to get words to come out and do anything. i thought if i kept working at it, eventually it would get easier or more satisfying. that hasnt worked out. i still write fanfiction once in a while since its pretty non-demanding mentally, but i havent finished anything in years. it's a shame. i got a lot out of writing and seemed capable of even entertaining people with it. now i just cant.

i get some comfort out of the fact that most people with any kind of 'potential' or 'promise' in something, be it music or writing or whatever else, probably dont wind up living up to that potential. all sorts of things like health or money or family or inequality or prejudice or just plain bad luck can get in peoples' way. it's not just poor decision-making or feeling so paralyzed by anxiety that youd rather make no decision than any at all.

 

[ManchildLoser]

I feel like a character from a video game that has put all his stats in the wrong place and only wish to start over in a new game

 

[leftdreaming]

Yes, but then I remember my genetics are a problem and come to terms with the fact that I was never gonna be happy.

Fuck sake, why did I have to be born? My parents could've had a different kid with some good genes instead.

 

[endlesSquid]

I have always "wasted my potential", since I was little my family always put all their expectations on me for no reason, they always said they saw great potential in my future and now that I don't meet the high bar they set me, they just tell me that " waste my potential" and my supposed intelligence...they make me feel so sad about what my future holds...if I have one.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Kind of but then, I also had some limited success. I feel like I worked hard for that but I'm also grateful for the luck aspect there. Still- yeah- if I'd gotten over certain hangups- crippling lack of self confidence, social anxiety, learning to drive, not making restrictive decisions- I MAY have been more successful in my chosen field. I quite likely wouldn't be at a stage where I want to CTB. I think that would have distracted me enough.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I apparently have ADHD, my ape parents decided to not get me any help and i also assume I'm Bi-polar due to my extreme mood fluctuations.

A sad byproduct of being an ape at core. I have spent most of my life as a shutin, i do work and have tried various different fields yet i work seasonal low end jobs every year.

I'm most proficient in IT yet i don't have the energy to do anything, my brain feels like dementia has already hit. I sit and try to code or learn homelab networking yet it just flies away....

I save all my money and don't treat myself at all, 25 years of this loop and I've thrown the book trying to fix it.

Exercise, becoming skinny, medication, friends, hobbies, change of scenery you name it, self destruction in the hope of fixing me is my daily ritual.

I've wasted everything and i don't care.

 

[Slasher]

I've always been succesfull in school. Did honors classes for 6 years in an invite only school for the smart kiddies then drugs and alcohol came into my life and I no longer am that smart little boy I was. I dropped from engeneering and architecure to labor carpentry wich is basically as low as it goes. And I perform just above average here. Not pleasent but it is what it is.

 

[NoReasonToLive2023]

I probably could have made a lot more of my life. I even got as far as going to University, but I realised in my time there that that sort of education is just not for me.

Writing reams of bollocks about a topic doesn't mean you know anything. I could probably, given time, explain how to do a heart transplant operation- does that mean I could ever actually do it? Of course not, just like there's people that can do it but lack the ability to explain how to another person.

Any chance of meaningful employment was lost completely when my ex got involved. She wanted my attention focused only on her, so she gaslit me into believing my Autism made me an undesirable employee.

Without her perhaps I had a chance at something.

Instead I'm waiting to see if a court of law believes me to be a bad person, and if I am found guilty, I will CTB as quickly and cheaply as possible.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

In my opinion there is no such thing as "wasted potential" as per say and your post sounds as if you are being "self deprecating". However, I can understand from your point of view since people view failure/success in different ways. For me I view success as having a peace of mind, something that I realised recently and also success as being able to do what's best for you not what society expects you to do.

I don't know about a good and dark side. however, I do believe in good people making mistakes and learning from it and moving on and I ask so believe in bad people who their main goal is to cause other's downfall and getting pleasure from it.

I also get fascinated in reading a lot of things online especially on forums because I like being able to be my raw authentic self whilst being anonymous something that I have enjoyed doing for over a decade now.

Personally I do not get depressed seeing anyone getting ahead of life, in fact I have tried to help people in the past and not even thinking about myself in the process and also I'm way too obsessed with death to even be thinking and worried on how other people are doing in their life.

To me the day I complete my ctb will be the best day of my life , greatest achievement and the most successful thing that I would have done in my life of my 34 years on earth and unfortunately my biggest failure would have been not being able to plan and complete ctb successfully in 2018.

OP I hope you make the decision that is best for you and I wish you all the best with the decision that you are going to make.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Wasted Potential - Yeah, that describes me in a nutshell.

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

Yes, but then I remember my genetics are a problem and come to terms with the fact that I was never gonna be happy.

Fuck sake, why did I have to be born? My parents could've had a different kid with some good genes instead.

Sometimes we look at ourselves and say "why me" but we should look at ourselves and say "why not me?". ADHD has many fantastic traits, I have Aspergers so I know what it's like to be different. I never focus on the things I struggle with, I focus on the gifts my condition has given me. I'm very intelligent, focused, hard working, I notice what other's don't, I have a good eye for details, the list goes on. See the beauty in you not the flaws.

What are the benefits of ADHD?

There are numerous benefits that may come with having ADHD, including spontaneity and creativity. Learn more.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

Life would be boring if we were all the same. Sometimes conditions come with difficulties and you just need to figure out ways to work with them. My friend with ADHD takes saffron supplements which can be bought online without any prescription. They've been found to be much more useful than ADHD medication.

Saffron study confirms extract as powerful ADHD therapy

Saffron is more effective at treating attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children and young adults than conventional pharmaceutical treatment (methylphenidate), according to researchers.

www.nutraingredients.com

 

[enditall222]

I never even had potential in the first place. I'm just a waste.

 

[grateful409]

i try avoiding any heavy lib art subject growing up. not leaning hard in it, balance with other subject. due to political climate pressure others think im soft. despite self views contrasting "what i do". i get called hypocrite often. depressed, i balance my sciences. people call me "unexperienced" "talentful" compared to "what i do". falling once show doubt. too much doubt, "you are a hack" "stupid". people tthink you have no use to feel hope "potential" for.

potential is a good evil. people need to feel hope for you. when you produce no results soon, you get called "hack". no matter how well you are. because of this, i hate showing my true self to others. in this way, no one can feel doubt.

I agree. It's why we are here.

It's a lose lose situation. It's almost like a tax. Better not to earn I find.

When I function at my best in all its forms, people like to try and trim the edges but don't understand that isn't how it work. I'm no longer interested in being pruned.

It's why we are all here isn't it?

 

[OceanBlue]

Determinism. There's no such thing as 'failed potential', we are exactly what we were always meant to become.
There are some things we will never achieve and it's not up to us.

 

[ollo]

I'm wasting potential resources.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

Yes, I feel that way. I've missed my calling. However, we should remember we wouldn't have been happy even if we were appreciated. Beethoven wasn't happy. Kurt Cobain wasn't happy. Life is a piece of shit. Liberation from consciousness is the best we can ask for.

 

[OceanBlue]

Life is a piece of shit. Liberation from consciousness is the best we can ask for.

There are people who are living our dreams and not feeling better for it, nothing can fix this.