This could become a long thread. Just as this forum promises "spend some time breathing in positivity" in the recovery section. Of course I could also name some stories when negative things surprised me. But I try it as Lil Peep says "look at the brightside". Usually I don't like this saying but I like Lil Peep.
There were some experiences when things happened which genuinely surprised me in a positive sense. I am a very anxious person due to past horrible experiences they have shaped my thinking. I am very pessimistic because the past was so terrible. I still think my life won't have an happy end. But i want to demonstrate that good things can happen despite the fact we have given up hope.
Where to start? I try it chronologically. I had my first major depression when I was quite young. I did not have much experience with mental illness. I had a psychosis and then an extremely agonizing depression. I was severely agitated and due to that very suicidal and hopeless. I thought this would never end. That this pain would never cease. It was an unimaginable pain. My first psychiatrist was not a big help. But at least after some months of very severe suicidality he had the idea a stay in a clinic might be benefical. This dude did not care but in the clinic I found a very supportive psychiatrist. I think I was very unthankful at the end of that stay and I regret some things I said or did. I don't know I was full of despair, resentment etc. I feel bad about my behavior because she genuinely cared. She had to listen to my very explicit talk of suicidality for several hours. I think she was quite shocked. I was young and stupid this is why I was so unthankful. I envied her career I was very career obsessed at that time. Okay recognize this is a little bit off-topic but it is a story I seldom talk about. This clinic stay was very benefical. It was the first time I read literature about mental illness. I thought this extreme agitation and depression would last forever. This thought depression would last forever is not that seldom in people who experience mental illness for the fist time in their life. The educational, social and mood aspects of this stay were very positive. I can remember I was really surprised when the effect of the antidepressants started. I slightly felt better but even this tiny progress was very surprising for me.
I don't pretend everything was perfect at this stay but it stabilized me and I felt less lonely. This feeling of loneliness is for me often hard to endure when I am acute suicidal. Furthermore I feel less pressure to execute my plans in these cinics.
I was very surprised when my first severe depression ended. Though due to the fact I had the wrong medication there were detrimental developments. It took a very long time to find he right medication for me. I think I tried almost 30 different medication. This fits to another positive surprise. I thought I could never quit a certain medication that had very annoying side effects. The first time I tried it was a catastophe. I pressured me too much and tried it too fast. I Some months later when I was more stable I successfully stopped taking it. I still take 2-3 different medication but I am very glad I could quit the one with the nasty side effect. This increased my life quality and I did not become completely unstable. My therapists also supported me during that time. I thought I could never achieve that because the first time was so horrible. I was wrong.
Moreover also during my second major depression episode I thought the pain/depression would never stop. I was in a thinking fallacy. My therapist to that time was not really helpful. Though another one (later) really tried to help me and I kind of owe him that my situation improved. It can be hard to find a therapist who is really engaged and competent. I really had some stupid psychologists or psychiatrists in the past. Though after a long time of seeking competent/empathetic ones I found some.
Another major positive surprise was that I attended college courses without collapsing. I think I was often on the edge of a relapse but my medication and therapists helped me to stay stable. I am kind of scared about the fact that we don't have any appointments anymore and the new semeseter will be by far the most difficult. I am very pessimistic towards it. Though I think I have a little bit of a bias that I could predict or foresee the future. The smartest guy I ever met told me that. He was very annoyed that I had this bias. I think my nightmarish past influenced me a lot in this direction.
I try to become more agnostic about my future. We cannot be fully sure how the future develops. One therapist (the one who supported me a lot) replied to one of my e-mails once when I expressed my anxiety about the future. He cannot promise me anything though this is in some sense also comforting because a fully foreseeable future would be depressing. Maybe such an mindset is more healthy for people who are currently in a crisis. When we are in an acute crisis it can be hard to see anything positive in life.
Can you share an experience when you were genuinely surprised about something positive that happened in your life?
There were some experiences when things happened which genuinely surprised me in a positive sense. I am a very anxious person due to past horrible experiences they have shaped my thinking. I am very pessimistic because the past was so terrible. I still think my life won't have an happy end. But i want to demonstrate that good things can happen despite the fact we have given up hope.
Where to start? I try it chronologically. I had my first major depression when I was quite young. I did not have much experience with mental illness. I had a psychosis and then an extremely agonizing depression. I was severely agitated and due to that very suicidal and hopeless. I thought this would never end. That this pain would never cease. It was an unimaginable pain. My first psychiatrist was not a big help. But at least after some months of very severe suicidality he had the idea a stay in a clinic might be benefical. This dude did not care but in the clinic I found a very supportive psychiatrist. I think I was very unthankful at the end of that stay and I regret some things I said or did. I don't know I was full of despair, resentment etc. I feel bad about my behavior because she genuinely cared. She had to listen to my very explicit talk of suicidality for several hours. I think she was quite shocked. I was young and stupid this is why I was so unthankful. I envied her career I was very career obsessed at that time. Okay recognize this is a little bit off-topic but it is a story I seldom talk about. This clinic stay was very benefical. It was the first time I read literature about mental illness. I thought this extreme agitation and depression would last forever. This thought depression would last forever is not that seldom in people who experience mental illness for the fist time in their life. The educational, social and mood aspects of this stay were very positive. I can remember I was really surprised when the effect of the antidepressants started. I slightly felt better but even this tiny progress was very surprising for me.
I don't pretend everything was perfect at this stay but it stabilized me and I felt less lonely. This feeling of loneliness is for me often hard to endure when I am acute suicidal. Furthermore I feel less pressure to execute my plans in these cinics.
I was very surprised when my first severe depression ended. Though due to the fact I had the wrong medication there were detrimental developments. It took a very long time to find he right medication for me. I think I tried almost 30 different medication. This fits to another positive surprise. I thought I could never quit a certain medication that had very annoying side effects. The first time I tried it was a catastophe. I pressured me too much and tried it too fast. I Some months later when I was more stable I successfully stopped taking it. I still take 2-3 different medication but I am very glad I could quit the one with the nasty side effect. This increased my life quality and I did not become completely unstable. My therapists also supported me during that time. I thought I could never achieve that because the first time was so horrible. I was wrong.
Moreover also during my second major depression episode I thought the pain/depression would never stop. I was in a thinking fallacy. My therapist to that time was not really helpful. Though another one (later) really tried to help me and I kind of owe him that my situation improved. It can be hard to find a therapist who is really engaged and competent. I really had some stupid psychologists or psychiatrists in the past. Though after a long time of seeking competent/empathetic ones I found some.
Another major positive surprise was that I attended college courses without collapsing. I think I was often on the edge of a relapse but my medication and therapists helped me to stay stable. I am kind of scared about the fact that we don't have any appointments anymore and the new semeseter will be by far the most difficult. I am very pessimistic towards it. Though I think I have a little bit of a bias that I could predict or foresee the future. The smartest guy I ever met told me that. He was very annoyed that I had this bias. I think my nightmarish past influenced me a lot in this direction.
I try to become more agnostic about my future. We cannot be fully sure how the future develops. One therapist (the one who supported me a lot) replied to one of my e-mails once when I expressed my anxiety about the future. He cannot promise me anything though this is in some sense also comforting because a fully foreseeable future would be depressing. Maybe such an mindset is more healthy for people who are currently in a crisis. When we are in an acute crisis it can be hard to see anything positive in life.
Can you share an experience when you were genuinely surprised about something positive that happened in your life?
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