Have you ever been happy?

[SadGirl]

Count here? Where you from, count you from? You Latin? Like "cuenta aquí" ?
Count is like 1, 2, 3.... Never used it to "tell" ,,just an observation
I don't have perfect grammar .... I'm doubting "count" is used this way. .

Nevermind lol

I do not speak English, I'm trying to translate as best I can.

I was happy until January of 2017. Then the cumulative mistakes I made in my relationship built up and I lost my entire life, atleast the life that made me, well...me. Ive dated since then and its never been the same. I will always regret my losses. Some part of my crazy mind believes she is gonna show back up and we'll work it out.

I hope everything works out for you, hugs.

Honestly? No. I don't remember a time I've been truly happy. Not even as a kid. I always seemed like a burden to my family. I had friends in school but that was it. I wasn't allowed to invite them over or go to anyone's house, so friendships never strengthened. Even in school I felt like I didn't belong and the weird thing is I wasn't even bullied or anything. Learning was very difficult for me. Still is. My life changed at 17 and I've been living with crippling chronic pain and sickness ever since. I don't remember the last time I didn't feel pain. As for relationships, I've had only two of them. They were both eventually sick of me. I don't seem to be wanted by this world (not to sound dramatic.) I genuinely think I don't belong here.

I understand you when you want to talk, I'm here.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Think below 8 was good tbh. I had an awesime childhood friend, my mom was actually a mom (prob cause i had no probs that time), dad spoiled me (well later realize thats his way of buying affection), did good at school and went to many trips. Guess i just didnt know reality yet..

 

[dandan]

Yes. I've been as much happy as I'm sad and depressed now. I need a purpose.

im looking for a way to be ok, maybe not necessarily happy, but at least ok.... because if I dont find it... nembutal is the alternative... and i dont want it... but i hate this shit.... and living with depression, loneliness, regret and little blame sucks sucks sucks

 

[Gina]

It was artificial happiness

 

[Midnight]

Maybe as a kid for a while because i didn't know any better. School quickly turned that arround and it went downhill from there. One time in adult life i was truly/genuinly happy for at least a few weeks when i met my first and only gf. That's about it ... All the rest is suicidal/depression. Everyday i wonder how/why did i last this long. 15-16 maybe 17 or 18 years of hellish mental state.

I remember even when i went on my only vacation ever in another country (far away) i was so depressed i just wanted to die there.. i was wandering arround in the city 3 o'clock at night every day wishing i would just vanish off the face of the earth.

 

[marcusuk63]

not really , i certainly cant remember any part of my life when i was happy , i vaguely remember pretending to be happy . i was always under developed and very young looking .even now people dont believe me when i tell them my age , any was when i was 13/14 i looked more like 10 and my older brothers mate raped me , my older brother was going to kill him when he got out of prison but he disappeared , He sort of looked after me since then and when we both divorced at similar time we ended up living together and we would often go out drinking together and for meals .As ive mentioned in other posts he used to come to me on a Saturday for a catch up and put the world to rights , the last Saturday he came a few weeks ago i was so worried as he had lost so much weight and had trouble breathing i was worried and i couldnt sleep or eat , i just knew i was going to find him dead by the end of the week , which i did , its brought my bus one bus stop closer and i defiantly dont think anyone will have to write Christmas cards out for me this year ...........p.s. i am a young 55 now and photo is this current lol ...... sorry about abbreviation in my messages but if i us if i use Ive and Im it makes the text go funny for some reason ?

 

[detached]

Idk tbh. I'm sure I've had positive days every now and then in my life, but I can't recall any specific memory. I'm guessing I was the happiest before I turned 6 and figured out things like my "dad" is actually my stepdad. I think my mom once told me that I was really struggling after we moved away from him. All I remember is that I often wanted to drive past his house to be able to see him.

 

[InkBlot]

I do not speak English, I'm trying to translate as best I can.

I hope everything works out for you, hugs.

I understand you when you want to talk, I'm here.

Thank you for your words. Hugs to you too.

 

[bluesleep]

I had some fake happiness a couple of years back because of a relationship, but when that ended my life went back to shit. I realize now I'll never be happy.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

It's weird. Even in my happiest moments, ctb is always on my mind. I could be laughing and feel cheerful but thinking about kms.
The happiest I've been was when my daughter was born and the honeymoon phase with my husband at the beginning of our relationship.
Even then, I wanted to die.

 

[throwaway123]

I must admit there were a few moments I felt completely free. Freedom is the most beautiful feeling in this world.And suicide is the ultimate and absolute freedom for me.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Ever? Yes, certainly. I may not remember these moments, but there certainly were.
Happier than my normal average?
Every three-five months when I'm informed there's another step being taken to advance the surgery.
I know I'll be relatively happy on the 21st of may - I'll be taking a sick leave for a week for hospitalization. Nothing major, gotta wear an ugly hat and be attached to a computer by cables.
Should the day ever come - the day I'm informed it's safe to finally take me off the meds...
I'll be the happiest and most terrified I've ever been.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

One summer when I was 10, 11 or 12. First time I had real friends. We were neighbors and we'd play around from sun up till sun down every day. It wasn't perfect, and I'm sure I had feelings then that I've whitewashed now, but I think I was pretty happy then. There were some other times too.

 

[r0_]

my mind works in a way that as soon as i feel 'happy' about something i focus on everything im not happy about and try to convince myself that 'it wont last'. another patient at a psych ward i was at once told me i enjoy wallowing in my own misery which surprised me cause i talked to the guy for maybe two minutes and that was actually an astute observation.

 

[seekingoblivion]

In all honesty I don't think I've ever really been. I've always felt a sense of non belonging and thus I've always been less on the happy side of things and more on the "what the hell am I doing here?!" side. I've had happy moments but it's just surface level crap.

 

[Alchemist]

I don't think so, I'm not even sure if those few moments I had were true happiness or just delusions. Last time I remember something close to that is back in 2013 when I met in person someone who used to be my best friend.

 

[HappyEnding]

Yes but I was happy because I refused to face my problems and fears. I've been suicidal on and off for a few years but ever since I decided to face them head-on in February, I've continually felt worse and worse. Now I'm crying almost every day. I'd get a therapist but I can't afford it so I've been doing some self-help in the meantime.

 

[Whatshername]

Yes, up until the age of 29 I was more often happy than not. I had a pretty normal, I would even say good life. Everything went downspiraling since then. Health (both mental and physical), family, friends etc... The little happiness I have experienced in the past 12 years is also gone by now. I don't even know what it feels like anymore.

 

[Final Escape]

I suppose I was when young and still had hope.

 

[Santiago]

Define happy?

 

[stormrOzzy]

From my 13 years down I was happy in some situations

 

[lost_soul83]

Have you had a happy time? A time, an age you had or something? Count here.

I think I was happy as a child, but everything went to hell once I hit puberty at 11. Damn you hormones!!!

 

[sadsoul]

I can't remember ever having been truly happy and content with my life

 

[Please_stop]

I can, and it's the thought of never feeling like that again that makes me want to cbt asap

 

[TAW122]

Only through fleeting moments throughout my life. Most of my life has been dull or indifferent, while the earlier part of my life has been utter torment and hell (shitty home life, bullies at school, etc.). I'm not really happy most of the time, just numb, but I try to cherish the times I do and weather through the shitty times (when things go to shit).

 

[CoolGuy9]

I used to have a life that was almost perfect. I had some really good friends who I loved to spend time with. The fun times we had together were so good that I don't even know how to describe them. I remember every friday being really excited to go home from school. This was also when I was given allowance so I can buy stuff for myself. I'm starting to forget what it's like, but I used to enjoy video games a lot and oh boy some of those experiences were so fun. I remember being interested in being an adult. Just imagine being able to play games rated for adults. Also when you only get 10 euros a week, the average paycheck feels like something a billionaire would earn, but ofcourse I knew being an adult wasn't all fun n games, so it was just something that was interesting to think about. Now that I am an adult, everything sucks, but not because of my age though.

 

[Random]

Yeah, my childhood was brilliant, a classic pink cloud but needless to say its been all downhill since then.

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I am not sure if the moments of happiness I felt in my life is real or fake.

 

[Lonely Twin Angel]

I've been happy before and I know when but when actually asked that question IRL I cant come up with anything. It is as if I draw a blank or like I cant recall my own life.

 

[Escaper Boy]

In junior high school, I was the top student in my class. If I remember correctly, my past self was very hopeful about life and future in general. My parents had high expectation of me. I too had high expectation for myself. I thought the future would be straight and narrow. I thought I would grow to be a great person. I thought everything would be ok.

I realize I was being naive.