Venting Have you ever been abandoned because of your mental health?

[imstillhungry]

I've been confiding in my ex (recently broken up, it was a toxic relationship but we still love each other) about my depression and that I'm going to ctb soon. He's the only person I have left who I love and trust, and technically I don't even 'have him left' since he's an ex.
I don't know why I confide in him about this stuff. It's not for sympathy or attention, nor for him to tell me not to do it. I guess it just felt good to have someone to talk to about this in real life.
At first he was sympathetic and there for me. 2 weeks later he says he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I'm dragging him down and it's hurting him to think that I'm going to ctb.

Maybe I'm being selfish in my way of thinking, but would he abandon me in my last days if I were sick with, say, cancer? No. Yet it's ok to abandon a suicidal person in their last days just because it makes you feel bad? Guess what pal, I feel even worse.

I feel very selfish now that I've written this, but I've been selfless and put everyone else above me my entire life. Why can't someone else do that for me for once, especially in my last days...

I just wish I didn't have to die knowing not a single soul on this planet gives a fuck about me, especially because I was always such a loving selfless person and tried my hardest to be there for everyone.

 

[cowbain]

You're not selfish for not wanting to be alone in your last days. Many people feel that way, suicidal or not. Doesn't make your want for death any less valid or real. Your ex may care about you, but it's nearly impossible to get someone who's never seriously considered suicide to understand our mindset. And if the relationship was toxic his response was for the best.

I've scared so many people away (including psych professionals) once I opened up to them about the extent of my issues, even though they were the ones that encouraged me to open up in the first place. So yeah, I feel you. You aren't alone.

 

[Dawgmom]

My guess is that most of us here have been abandoned - in one way or another - because of our situations that bring us to this forum. Most threads make references to being alone or misunderstood or not having friends / family. I guess when you think about it though, it's probably tough for a non-suicidal or depressive person to understand just because of how uncomfortable it is for them. Should they muster up and be there for us? Sure, but a lot of them just can't or won't. And, for me at least, I just quit expect or hoping for someone to be here for me a long time ago.

I'm sorry your ex isn't who you need him to be and I'm sorry that's hurting you. At least you have the forum. I know it's not the same but there's a lot of people here that do understand and who are willing to listen.

Peace.

 

[Final Escape]

I have been because it's severe. I mean it was actually more like I often became victimized because of the disabilities that come with my mental illness. I was a target for abusive types. Unfortunately the mental health system will make it hard for the people who have serious mental illnesses to get treatment. I pushed people away more than I was actually abandoned. I was so fucked up in my 20's and into 30's but I lived in a smallish town for a lot of that time and they ignored that I had borderline personality disorder, my life spiraled out of control for years and it's still a tragic situation these days. I became afraid to move in with other people after some very bad roommate situations but it's killing me financially to shoulder it all by myself. I know the ctb is comin when I can no longer hold up.

 

[imstillhungry]

You're not selfish for not wanting to be alone in your last days. Many people feel that way, suicidal or not. Doesn't make your want for death any less valid or real. Your ex may care about you, but it's nearly impossible to get someone who's never seriously considered suicide to understand our mindset. And if the relationship was toxic his response was for the best.

I've scared so many people away (including psych professionals) once I opened up to them about the extent of my issues, even though they were the ones that encouraged me to open up in the first place. So yeah, I feel you. You aren't alone.

Thank you for your insight, I'm amazed that whatever I'm going through there are always people on here who can relate. Makes me feel a bit less alone.
Sorry to hear about the so called professionals. I also saw a psychologist for a while but she'd just brush off everything I said like it was no big deal and I was gonna be fine. Maybe she was trying to be positive but I really do wonder how and why some 'professionals' even got into that career

My guess is that most of us here have been abandoned - in one way or another - because of our situations that bring us to this forum. Most threads make references to being alone or misunderstood or not having friends / family. I guess when you think about it though, it's probably tough for a non-suicidal or depressive person to understand just because of how uncomfortable it is for them. Should they muster up and be there for us? Sure, but a lot of them just can't or won't. And, for me at least, I just quit expect or hoping for someone to be here for me a long time ago.

I'm sorry your ex isn't who you need him to be and I'm sorry that's hurting you. At least you have the forum. I know it's not the same but there's a lot of people here that do understand and who are willing to listen.

Peace.

Thank you, I guess you're right about it being difficult for a non suicidal person to relate. I sometimes wish we could be treated like terminally ill people and die with the people we love by our side. I've accepted I will have to be alone when the time comes, but I wish it didn't have to be like that. On a side note it's only been a few days since I ordered SN but it feels like it's taking an eternity to arrive. Time sure goes slow when you're ready and waiting to go.
I'm so grateful for this forum, it makes things easier being surrounded by such lovely, supportive people who can always relate to whatever I'm dealing with

I have been because it's severe. I mean it was actually more like I often became victimized because of the disabilities that come with my mental illness. I was a target for abusive types. Unfortunately the mental health system will make it hard for the people who have serious mental illnesses to get treatment. I pushed people away more than I was actually abandoned. I was so fucked up in my 20's and into 30's but I lived in a smallish town for a lot of that time and they ignored that I had borderline personality disorder, my life spiraled out of control for years and it's still a tragic situation these days. I became afraid to move in with other people after some very bad roommate situations but it's killing me financially to shoulder it all by myself. I know the ctb is comin when I can no longer hold up.

I'm so sorry about your situation. I can relate to pushing people away, now more than ever. I feel like I'm subconsciously burning all my bridges so when I ctb it won't hurt anyone. I really hope things improve for you, no one deserves to go through that

 

[XoXoNae]

I don't think you're selfi

I've been confiding in my ex (recently broken up, it was a toxic relationship but we still love each other) about my depression and that I'm going to ctb soon. He's the only person I have left who I love and trust, and technically I don't even 'have him left' since he's an ex.
I don't know why I confide in him about this stuff. It's not for sympathy or attention, nor for him to tell me not to do it. I guess it just felt good to have someone to talk to about this in real life.
At first he was sympathetic and there for me. 2 weeks later he says he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I'm dragging him down and it's hurting him to think that I'm going to ctb.

Maybe I'm being selfish in my way of thinking, but would he abandon me in my last days if I were sick with, say, cancer? No. Yet it's ok to abandon a suicidal person in their last days just because it makes you feel bad? Guess what pal, I feel even worse.

I feel very selfish now that I've written this, but I've been selfless and put everyone else above me my entire life. Why can't someone else do that for me for once, especially in my last days...

I just wish I didn't have to die knowing not a single soul on this planet gives a fuck about me, especially because I was always such a loving selfless person and tried my hardest to be there for everyone.

I don't think your selfish I think you're in pain and but before getting to angry at him for choosing his own mental health over yours right now, you're kinda planning on doing the Same to him soon.

 

[imstillhungry]

I don't think your selfish I think you're in pain and but before getting to angry at him for choosing his own mental health over yours right now, you're kinda planning on doing the Same to him soon.

He mentally abused me during the entire relationship and is a big contributing factor (although not the only one) to my decision to ctb, so I'm not sure why I expected him to magically change and start being there for me. But I always put him above myself since the day we met, so I'm ok with putting myself above him now. I can't wait to ctb and no longer feel anything

 

[XoXoNae]

He mentally abused me during the entire relationship and is a big contributing factor (although not the only one) to my decision to ctb, so I'm not sure why I expected him to magically change and start being there for me. But I always put him above myself since the day we met, so I'm ok with putting myself above him now. I can't wait to ctb and no longer feel anything

I know how you feel I really do. I shouldn't say that because I don't but I do know how I feel and felt about my narcissistic ex husband. I had to really evaluate my decision to ctb. If he's what drove you to this dark place maybe try giving yourself a little more time to see if you can heal from all the damage that was caused by his abuse. Maybe with the right amount of time and counseling you can beat this.

I wanted to touch on what you said about him leaving you if you had a terminal illness. In my mind, mental illness IS a terminal illness if not treated properly or effectively. Normies don't function the way we do. We have to surround ourselves with like minded people who can better understand us and accept us because at the end of it all that's all that really mattered. My ex got so overwhelmed with my depression and suicidal thoughts and behaviors that he really anticipated the day I finally went through with it #JustSaying

 

[imstillhungry]

I know how you feel I really do. I shouldn't say that because I don't but I do know how I feel and felt about my narcissistic ex husband. I had to really evaluate my decision to ctb. If he's what drove you to this dark place maybe try giving yourself a little more time to see if you can heal from all the damage that was caused by his abuse. Maybe with the right amount of time and counseling you can beat this.

I wanted to touch on what you said about him leaving you if you had a terminal illness. In my mind, mental illness IS a terminal illness if not treated properly or effectively. Normies don't function the way we do. We have to surround ourselves with like minded people who can better understand us and accept us because at the end of it all that's all that really mattered. My ex got so overwhelmed with my depression and suicidal thoughts and behaviors that he really anticipated the day I finally went through with it #JustSaying

Thank you for your your support. Sadly I've had a lifetime of abuse from family and friends, homelessness, health issues, and overall just an unbelievably shit life. I was already holding on by a thread before meeting him and had attempted to ctb a few years prior. It was inevitable that I would end up killing myself, it was just a matter of when. He's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It's been almost 2 months since we broke up and I've weighed up my options logically. I've come to the conclusion that there's no chance my life will improve, in fact it will only get worse.

I just dropped out of uni due to my mental health, but it was long overdue. I've spent 6 years trying to complete a 3 year course. The saddest part is I'm actually very intelligent, it's just unbelievably difficult to study when you have no will to live. I'm also about to become homeless again (as I will lose my student loan) and be forced to move back in with my abusive parents. Christmas and New Year are coming up too, which I'd be spending alone. I just think it's just time now. My life was shit from start to end, I'm amazed I even managed to stick around this long.

I tried counselling for a few months but she was very uninterested and dismissive, just told me everything would be fine but never actually gave me any advice or coping mechanisms? I also saw a psychiatrist at the hospital after my attempt, who lectured me on how my abusive parents are 'in charge' and I have to 'do what they say'. I'm a grown adult and don't even live with them, but whatever you say mate. Absolute nutcase. I lost faith in the possibility of getting help after those experiences.

I really do appreciate your positivity and support for me to get better rather than ctb, and I wish it were possible but I just can't see it happening. Frankly I've already suffered enough for 5 lifetimes.

I'm sorry your ex didn't support you the way you deserved. This forum is a godsend, I'd feel so lost and alone without it

 

[digcircus]

Depression is the most painful illness in the world. My depressive cycles can last 4-6 months at a time. Medication - and I tried a lot - does nothing, sadly. I get some months of "normal" moods luckily, but then that slow train comes running through...
Sometimes suicide is on my mind so much, I can't help but talk about it. And when I do, most people look at me like they have seen a ghost! This of course makes me feel more alienated. I just say I never signed a contract saying I wanted to be here in the first place.

But, back to your question, mental health issues and relationships can be tricky. In the beginning, everyone says their understanding, but then reality sets in and you see just how selfish the human animal can be. Someone once said: if you want to love someone don't get to know them.

Lastly, sometimes relationships, especially toxic ones, can become addicting from all the emotional chaos, -- a never ending rollercoaster ride. I had one that lasted for 12 years with my ex gf. I'm sure she will be on my mind when I ctb.

 

[Moonicide]

Yes. People have left me due to being 'too much.'
My boyfriend never offers me support for my mental health as it is very heavy for him. I used to be so resentful and upset by it. But I started seeking it from other places, my friends. I've become so numb, but sometimes it does still hurt.
I never mention ctb though, as they will stop me in any which way they can.

 

[BlueWidow]

It's hard when you trust someone enough to confide in them, then the abandon you. Maybe your ex was overwhelmed by your impending ctb. But then he should have at least had the guts to explain that to you. I hate it when people just pull away from you with no explanation.

I have the opposite problem as you, I would love to be left alone to celebrate my final days in peace by myself, but my sister-in-law won't leave me alone! First, she made a Drs appt for me without my knowledge or consent for this coming Monday. Now she wants me to go to some big family dinner on the 18th. Then I know she's going to start bugging me to go to her house and spend the night on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve. I've decided to go to the Dr appt and the dinner, even though I'd prefer not to, but I'm not wasting my Christmas or New Year holidays at her house.

 

[a_strange_day]

The exact opposite, I leave people, or at best keep them away because of my mental health. For me it's a way to protect them. It's hard to be alone and isolated for a long time, it's like a self inflicted punishment, a slow death, but since there is nothing more to do why make others suffer too.

 

[exhausted]

I have been because it's severe. I mean it was actually more like I often became victimized because of the disabilities that come with my mental illness. I was a target for abusive types. Unfortunately the mental health system will make it hard for the people who have serious mental illnesses to get treatment. I pushed people away more than I was actually abandoned. I was so fucked up in my 20's and into 30's but I lived in a smallish town for a lot of that time and they ignored that I had borderline personality disorder, my life spiraled out of control for years and it's still a tragic situation these days. I became afraid to move in with other people after some very bad roommate situations but it's killing me financially to shoulder it all by myself. I know the ctb is comin when I can no longer hold up.

We are absolutely a target for abusive types. People paint borderlines as female psychopaths, when most of the time we are circled by sharks who will pounce at the first drop of blood. Really feel what you've typed there.

I just dropped out of uni due to my mental health, but it was long overdue. I've spent 6 years trying to complete a 3 year course. The saddest part is I'm actually very intelligent, it's just unbelievably difficult to study when you have no will to live. I'm also about to become homeless again (as I will lose my student loan) and be forced to move back in with my abusive parents. Christmas and New Year are coming up too, which I'd be spending alone. I just think it's just time now. My life was shit from start to end, I'm amazed I even managed to stick around this long.

I tried counselling for a few months but she was very uninterested and dismissive, just told me everything would be fine but never actually gave me any advice or coping mechanisms? I also saw a psychiatrist at the hospital after my attempt, who lectured me on how my abusive parents are 'in charge' and I have to 'do what they say'. I'm a grown adult and don't even live with them, but whatever you say mate. Absolute nutcase. I lost faith in the possibility of getting help after those experiences.

It sounds exhausting, you've hung in there for so long. Your pain tolerance is very high and your ability to endure too. I am amazed at some of the people who go into social care/mental health etc. So many of them have their own severe problems, it's the blind leading the blind.

And yes, I have abandoned many times, people don't like other people's pain and bad luck. They think it's contagious.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Yes. My ex.

 

[Rain]

You're not alone. I've been abandoned and/ or abused by every single person I've loved in the past few years since my mental health deteriorated at a rapid rate. It made me feel less alone to read your post.

 

[XoXoNae]

Has anyone heard from @imstillhungry