Have you chosen where you want to die and where you won't be discovered for hours?

[KimKevorkian]

I want a beautiful place in nature and where I can let the N do its thing without anyone finding me in time to save me (I've changed my mind about N, and indeed feel it seems to be the best option in terms of a peaceful exit).

There are all sorts of hiking spots, backcountry fishing areas, seashores, jungles, deserts. bayous, etc (just don't get bitten by a sidewinder or water moccasin or Brown Recluse before you commit suicide..that would sincerely suck). I've been checking out on web all sorts of beautiful nature areas, kind of remote, where I'd like to return to the earth as mulch. Anybody else mulling this over?

How long wd shrooms take to kick in btw? Do you think they'd induce vomiting, overriding the anti-emetic properties of Meto? I thought I'd maybe like to float away on a psychedelic sleigh ride while listening to Waylon (Jennings) and WIllie (Nelson) or Bobby Hutcherson or Eva Cassidy, Lyle Mays, et al. But just my luck, I'd be so spaced out I'd muck it all up. Can't afford to fail. Just don't know when nor where. But my brain is on it. It may be the only way out of this purgatory.

 

[PigeonDreamzz]

There are two options. Number one: being patient and die in norway under the nothern lights. Option 2 is the impatient one: just dying in my bed. I live in a dorm and would be discovered after 2-3 days. :)

 

[Sunset Limited]

I will die at home. My method is not portable. If I had a choice, I would go to the forest.

 

[KimKevorkian]

There are two options. Number one: being patient and die in norway under the northern lights. Option 2 is the impatient one: just dying in my bed. I live in a dorm and would be discovered after 2-3 days. :)

Oh wow. Under the Aurora Borealis? What a fantastic experience during which to flag down the bus. I love that! I feel that the surroundings of our final moments on this floating space rock deserve as much thought as disposing and distributing our belongings, burning our histories, or explaining them, if one wishes (I'm squarely placing 99% of the blame on my diabolical sisters for their treachery, deceit and betrayal).

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally like the idea of dying in nature, I would like to die in a quiet location far away from any people. In reality, I will probably ctb inside. In my case unfortunately I am trapped in this world as for me ctb is so difficult, so it is unlikely that I will be leaving this world for a long time.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I will die at home. My method is not portable. If I had a choice, I would go to the forest.

We manage as best we are able. At least one can set up conditions and the environment in one's domicile that serve us in our final moments, to perhaps signify that this act of exiting is no mere pedestrian event, but something far more significant. Music, scent, lighting, texture--these we can manipulate to create the effect of space we wish.

I personally like the idea of dying in nature, I would like to die in a quiet location far away from any people. In reality, I will probably ctb inside. In my case unfortunately I am trapped in this world as for me ctb is so difficult, so it is unlikely that I will be leaving this world for a long time.

Definitely hear you. C'ing the big B is no trifling matter. Don't know my timeline either. Just seeing how much I can tack the sails of Fate into the wind to alter course and improve circumstances, in spite of what obstacles I face. Nature is just so special to me. Under a huge tree on a hot day, lying in the grass, ants climbing up my pant legs, flies buzzing my ears. Truly poetic.

 

[Chasing Sleep]

I know a hotel room is considered to be the most "secure" location, but it also would be one of the least comforting imo. It would feel so foreign to me.

If I could choose any location, I'd honestly prefer my own bed, or even my car. For some reason I feel really safe in the backseat of my car, parked someplace safe at night. A few years back I drove an hour away and parked in a Walmart parking lot at midnight, right next to the RVs, and I knew because it was Walmart no one would question it. I started filling my car with CO, and I remember feeling really at ease, like no one could find me.

Another place I think about sometimes is this small island near the river we live next to. I could reach it by kayak if I wanted to. I've thought about paddling out on a full moon, drifting around the shore as I watch the stars and take my final breath.

I've also thought about going in a tent before. It'd be nice to take one nice, long stroll through the woods before getting cozy in a sleeping bag and taking one final rest. Plus you're guaranteed privacy in a tent if you're at a registered campsite. I've definitely considered that before.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I know a hotel room is considered to be the most "secure" location, but it also would be one of the least comforting imo. It would feel so foreign to me.

If I could choose any location, I'd honestly prefer my own bed, or even my car. For some reason I feel really safe in the backseat of my car, parked someplace safe at night. A few years back I drove an hour away and parked in a Walmart parking lot at midnight, right next to the RVs, and I knew because it was Walmart no one would question it. I started filling my car with CO, and I remember feeling really at ease, like no one could find me.

Another place I think about sometimes is this small island near the river we live next to. I could reach it by kayak if I wanted to. I've thought about paddling out on a full moon, drifting around the shore as I watch the stars and take my final breath.

I've also thought about going in a tent before. It'd be nice to take one nice, long stroll through the woods before getting cozy in a sleeping bag and taking one final rest. Plus you're guaranteed privacy in a tent if you're at a registered campsite. I've definitely considered that before.

You must be reading my mind. I did some work in forestry, conservation years ago and found someplace exactly like what you're describing. Kayaking out to sleep under stars so plentiful and close, it seems one could simply reach out, pluck 'em and put 'em in a satchel around one's neck.
Your idea of a tent also strikes a chord in big way. Peaceful. As long as one isn't disturbed. Don't watch any slasher movies. It'll steal your peace. I can't even swim in a lake b/c I fear Jason will pull me down to the bottom or a giant catfish will eat me. I never should have read those news stories of huge catfish found in reservoirs.
Sure would be nice to sleep under the stars with water near. Just feels more like what I'd like personally.
Btw, Walmart banned overnight parking in many places I read. Too bad. Also too bad they don't sell N. Nothing like getting a good deal before one crosses the river Styx.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I don't know if I'd be comfortable in the forest (nature is pretty but bugs and dirt make my brain deeply uncomfortable), but I too would love somewhere quiet to go.

Really, it'll probably be in some stinky hotel room in some big city where no one knows me, but while I'm dreaming - by the lakeside at night, looking up at the stars. A small boat on the ocean, just me and the waves. In a tent atop a red, sandy cliff. Or a bugless forest.

 

[ItHurtsSoMuch]

I wish it could be in the ocean in the summer. I used to want to just swim out as far as I could swim, and then just drown, but that's not an option, as there needs to be proof of my death so that my insurance will be paid to those I've left behind to benefit from my death. I'm past the two year suicide exclusion now, so it will pay, but for some people, it would be easier for them if I die a "natural" or "accidental" death instead of an intentional one, but I can't figure out how to make that happen with certainty. Keeping that all in mind, I bought a used camper. Maybe there, in the bed there. My last good memory was at that camper and in that bed. It would be a while before I was discovered if I time it right. Now just figuring out the how...

 

[KimKevorkian]

I don't know if I'd be comfortable in the forest (nature is pretty but bugs and dirt make my brain deeply uncomfortable), but I too would love somewhere quiet to go.

Really, it'll probably be in some stinky hotel room in some big city where no one knows me, but while I'm dreaming - by the lakeside at night, looking up at the stars. A small boat on the ocean, just me and the waves. In a tent atop a red, sandy cliff. Or a bugless forest.

Aren't there people who will vacuum the forest if you request it? Ex Clown Prince Fauntleroy said as much. Oohh. C'ing the B ina dingy motel or hotel room with second-lung smoke and god knows what else lingering there would not be peaceful at all. Plus, I want to be sure that specific persons discover me with letter of authority to proceed with whatever needs doing. I'll pay them before, so there's no problem cashing a cashier's check once I go buh-bye. I will absolutely bar anyone else from going through my fam's belongings (might move all into storage unit and send my friends the keys to that and my house, along with my will and notice that by the time they're reading this, I'm spacedust and instructions/suggestions on what to do next re: a, b, and c. No simple matter to responsibly wrap things up, that's for sure.

 

[PigeonDreamzz]

Oh wow. Under the Aurora Borealis? What a fantastic experience during which to flag down the bus. I love that! I feel that the surroundings of our final moments on this floating space rock deserve as much thought as disposing and distributing our belongings, burning our histories, or explaining them, if one wishes (I'm squarely placing 99% of the blame on my diabolical sisters for their treachery, deceit and betrayal).

Yes I intend exactly that :). But until I can do that I must at least wait 1 year, even 2 or 3 to make that possible. I am very poor :( and my last money went to N. I need to work while studying. I think I need at least 5000€ for this plan

 

[KimKevorkian]

I wish it could be in the ocean in the summer. I used to want to just swim out as far as I could swim, and then just drown, but that's not an option, as there needs to be proof of my death so that my insurance will be paid to those I've left behind to benefit from my death. I'm past the two year suicide exclusion now, so it will pay, but for some people, it would be easier for them if I die a "natural" or "accidental" death instead of an intentional one, but I can't figure out how to make that happen with certainty. Keeping that all in mind, I bought a used camper. Maybe there, in the bed there. My last good memory was at that camper and in that bed. It would be a while before I was discovered if I time it right. Now just figuring out the how...

Nobody to help you with trying DeBreather? B/c it won't leave any traces, as it's a natural death. Otherwise, forensic analysis cd refute "accidental" death. What else would leave no trace? I mean nonviolent method? I wd hope you wouldn't co a car crash or "accidentally" drive into a lake. Damn...none of this is anywhere near easy when thinking of others out of concern. I'm sure there are lots of folks here who really know their shit in terms of chemistry, all that. I know there are medical people who might know. It used to be one cd just dress up like a clown, fill car or room with balloons and suck in helium, but that's no longer possible.

Yes I intend exactly that :). But until I can do that I must at least wait 1 year, even 2 or 3 to make that possible. I am very poor :( and my last money went to N. I need to work while studying. I think I need at least 5000€ for this plan

Strangely enough, why do I feel you'll be the most diligent, centered worker as you pursue your goal? I'm starting to look at papers and history I need to shred, donate, trash. Lots. But it's all of little relevance nor use soon. I still need to hold on to quite a bit, but once I go, there won't be anything for any stranger who would want to rifle through another's belongings. Maybe I'll leave the creep a pair of shorts. Wd probably like that.

I don't know if I'd be comfortable in the forest (nature is pretty but bugs and dirt make my brain deeply uncomfortable), but I too would love somewhere quiet to go.

Really, it'll probably be in some stinky hotel room in some big city where no one knows me, but while I'm dreaming - by the lakeside at night, looking up at the stars. A small boat on the ocean, just me and the waves. In a tent atop a red, sandy cliff. Or a bugless forest.

Just an aside..I get so damn hungry for quesadillas whenever I see your handle! If it weren't dark out and a Friday, I'd be jamming on the TexMex!

 

[Bedrock48]

I've picked out a nice clearing off a nature path for current method, no risk of injuring others that way. Been thinking I must go down there and properly check it out but the journey generally stops me.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I've picked out a nice clearing off a nature path for current method, no risk of injuring others that way. Been thinking I must go down there and properly check it out but the journey generally stops me.

You've actually scouted it out physically obviously. So important. As Alfred Korzybski said, "The map is not the territory." Did something in particular about the place seem to be special or did it simply meet the criteria you want/need?

 

[unkuto]

I live by myself. I don't have anyone to even find me. I'm going to take S when it will arrive. I'll just do it here.
I don't think anyone is going to find me unless neighbors would notice the smell of my body in couple days and police will break in.
I think it's kinda cruel but I don't really have other choice. I don't know who and how to notify to prevent it. Nobody does have access to my place except me.
Any suggestions? I have aunt lives far away from me but we don't talk. I have one irl friend but we barely talk anymore.
I can't tell me what I'm going to do prior for obvious reasons. They either wouldn't believe or just report to police or mental hospital workers and this would prevent me doing what I wanted.

Also I dont know if I should wipe my phone and PC before doing it. I kinda don't like Police going through my stuff but at the same time if I would survive it would be pain in the ass to get everything back.

 

[Bedrock48]

You've actually scouted it out physically obviously. So important. As Alfred Korzybski said, "The map is not the territory." Did something in particular about the place seem to be special or did it simply meet the criteria you want/need?

I actually found it from a video of wild campers staying there. I guess it did fit the criteria since I know that you're allowed to light fires there, a lot of areas around me you could get a fine or a surprise visit from authority if caught lighting bbqs etc. Its also a nice spot with a beautiful view nearby of cliffs and the sea. The seas always been my calling.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I live by myself. I don't have anyone to even find me. I'm going to take S when it will arrive. I'll just do it here.
I don't think anyone is going to find me unless neighbors would notice the smell of my body in couple days and police will break in.
I think it's kinda cruel but I don't really have other choice. I don't know who and how to notify to prevent it. Nobody does have access to my place except me.
Any suggestions? I have aunt lives far away from me but we don't talk. I have one irl friend but we barely talk anymore.
I can't tell me what I'm going to do prior for obvious reasons. They either wouldn't believe or just report to police or mental hospital workers and this would prevent me doing what I wanted.

Also I dont know if I should wipe my phone and PC before doing it. I kinda don't like Police going through my stuff but at the same time if I would survive it would be pain in the ass to get everything back.

As for recovering your info. shd you fail. you could put the info at a drop/stash point only you know and where you cd recover later if needed I suppose. But a place where rain, fire, strangers won't compromise it. Lots of gold left in spots, though, where people forgot the location. Oops. I know. Decomposition. I'm going to spray a shitload of Arrid Extra Dry and sprinkle Carpet Fresh. I hate bad smells and am obsessed with always smelling great. So, that's not going to be fun. I'll just shpritz a bunch of fragrance on everything. I hope that doesn't activate some latent necrophilia in people who come for my body. Better not. I'd better insert a razor blade or two somewhere to be sure. Kidding. Sort of.

I actually found it from a video of wild campers staying there. I guess it did fit the criteria since I know that you're allowed to light fires there, a lot of areas around me you could get a fine or a surprise visit from authority if caught lighting bbqs etc. Its also a nice spot with a beautiful view nearby of cliffs and the sea. The seas always been my calling.

That's wonderful and thoughtful. You do yourself a justice--we all do--by being deliberate about such selection and the atmospherics. We at the least deserve that. That goes hand in hand with being a peaceful death.

 

[symphony]

All your thoughts about ctb out in nature, in the forest, under the northern lights... wow. That's, beautiful. What a way to go. What a peaceful end.

Personally, as nice as that seems, I've never considered doing it outside. I don't live near any particularly idyllic area. But chances are by the time I'm ready to ctb (assuming I decide to go that route), I'll have an apartment to myself, and if I do it at night on a weekend, I could reasonably expect to have around a full 24 hours before loved ones got suspicious about me not answering texts. More than enough time, if all goes according to plan.

 

[KimKevorkian]

All your thoughts about ctb out in nature, in the forest, under the northern lights... wow. That's, beautiful. What a way to go. What a peaceful end.

Personally, as nice as that seems, I've never considered doing it outside. I don't live near any particularly idyllic area. But chances are by the time I'm ready to ctb (assuming I decide to go that route), I'll have an apartment to myself, and if I do it at night on a weekend, I could reasonably expect to have around a full 24 hours before loved ones got suspicious about me not answering texts. More than enough time, if all goes according to plan.

Headphones with your favorite music while in a nice recliner. There are nice wall murals with pix of Japanese gardens, rugged wilderness, galaxies, all sorts of stuff to help ease your mind and set a more comfortable aesthetic.
Re: aromatic nature of decomposition guess not to be rude, I'll do a deep housecleaning before. It'll be therapeutic. I guess I'll need to delete a shitload of email, except the evidence of vitriol and betrayal by greedy bastard siblings. I think I'll die with fantasies of violent revenge in my brain and nervous system. Oh well. Though I'm not a deist, I'm superstitious about karma just enough that those s.o.b.s won't be staring at the end of a shotgun. Plus, I've got that ethical gene, where the others in my family are pure Capitalist sociopaths. Sucks to have a conscience, and an acute sense of ethics, in a world of neanderthals.

 

[CommitSudoku]

There's a park that's not too far away and it's usually empty since it's a "park" but all that's really there is a swing set, a few picnic benches, and a trail connecting to the bike trail, not much else. It used to basically be a garbage dump type site and they revitalized it into what it is now. It's simple and quiet and rarely is too busy. It's somewhat, my "safe spot." I went there once a while ago when I had just bought some things to try for an attempt and just swung on a swing considering everything. Sometimes just swinging I can forget things and just relax. That park makes me happy, I'm too anxious to visit it much since it's a decent ride on bike, so when I do go it's usually when it's necessary or else for some other notable reason. Anyways, it's a special place for me. I'd love to die there peacefully. But I wouldn't want to be discovered dead there, since it's a park after all and I don't want to tarnish it's image for anyone else.

The other place I've wanted to die is my closet in the home I grew up in. Would still love to die there. It's just got a calming effect for me since it's where I would hide and be myself and also attempted some times. I also want my closet door cremated with me.

But in reality I see myself probably dying where I currently stay. I live alone so really nothing should be stopping me. I get a decent number of texts and calls from family during the day though and I also dread my family being the first to find me. But I can see myself dying here. At the right time, I won't be missed for a long while.

 

[KimKevorkian]

There's a park that's not too far away and it's usually empty since it's a "park" but all that's really there is a swing set, a few picnic benches, and a trail connecting to the bike trail, not much else. It used to basically be a garbage dump type site and they revitalized it into what it is now. It's simple and quiet and rarely is too busy. It's somewhat, my "safe spot." I went there once a while ago when I had just bought some things to try for an attempt and just swung on a swing considering everything. Sometimes just swinging I can forget things and just relax. That park makes me happy, I'm too anxious to visit it much since it's a decent ride on bike, so when I do go it's usually when it's necessary or else for some other notable reason. Anyways, it's a special place for me. I'd love to die there peacefully. But I wouldn't want to be discovered dead there, since it's a park after all and I don't want to tarnish it's image for anyone else.

The other place I've wanted to die is my closet in the home I grew up in. Would still love to die there. It's just got a calming effect for me since it's where I would hide and be myself and also attempted some times. I also want me closet door cremated with me.

But in reality I see myself probably dying where I currently stay. I live alone so really nothing should be stopping me. I get a decent number of texts and calls from family during the day though and I also dread my family being the first to find me. But I can see myself dying here. At the right time, I won't be missed for a long while.

Really touched by your post. I've been thinking of putting notice on door that says "On silent spiritual retreat inside for week. Please do not disturb." Something like that. The day before or the morning of, I'll mail the package to my friends who understand. I am safe as long as I don't express my intention with specifics. They wd not inform on me. But I cover my ass anyway. By the time they get my keys, my will which leaves things to them), I'll be floating somewhere or extinguished totally. I sure as shit hope I don't end up a ghost or reincarnate as a seat cushion where I'm doomed to have truckers fart on me for eternity.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Really touched by your post. I've been thinking of putting notice on door that says "On silent spiritual retreat inside for week. Please do not disturb." Something like that. The day before or the morning of, I'll mail the package to my friends who understand. I am safe as long as I don't express my intention with specifics. They wd not inform on me. But I cover my ass anyway. By the time they get my keys, my will which leaves things to them), I'll be floating somewhere or extinguished totally. I sure as shit hope I don't end up a ghost or reincarnate as a seat cushion where I'm doomed to have truckers fart on me for eternity.

I like that note idea. At my room where I grew up I have the typical "do not disturb" sign and I've contemplated writing a note to say to call the authorities before entering where I am now but that was more due to me considering gas as a method which could be harmful to others if they entered. I think if I got really calm and was very certain I'd die, then I'd write a note and pin it on the door still to warn whoever enters first. It may not do much, but I tried.

That's quite the specific fear of reincarnation you have though, any reason for it? I think I might not mind if I came back as a ghost for a while if I was somehow able to reassure my family they'll be fine without me and help them move on faster. And a little part of me has always wondered how many people will care or even notice I'm gone, even though I know it won't be too many.

 

[KimKevorkian]

Thx to you all for replying, It's just really nice to briefly dialogue with like-minded people and break the excruciating loneliness and all-aloneness I feel every day and every night. Thank you for helping dispel those for a brief period.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

I feel like as long as I have a peaceful method like N, I don't care where I die. I live alone. No significant other. No friends who regularly check on me anymore. No family in state. Not afraid of being found. Probably at home in my bed where I spend most of my hours.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I feel like as long as I have a peaceful method like N, I don't care where I die. I live alone. No significant other. No friends who regularly check on me anymore. No family in state. Not afraid of being found. Probably at home in my bed where I spend most of my hours.

I feel you

I like that note idea. At my room where I grew up I have the typical "do not disturb" sign and I've contemplated writing a note to say to call the authorities before entering where I am now but that was more due to me considering gas as a method which could be harmful to others if they entered. I think if I got really calm and was very certain I'd die, then I'd write a note and pin it on the door still to warn whoever enters first. It may not do much, but I tried.

That's quite the specific fear of reincarnation you have though, any reason for it? I think I might not mind if I came back as a ghost for a while if I was somehow able to reassure my family they'll be fine without me and help them move on faster. And a little part of me has always wondered how many people will care or even notice I'm gone, even though I know it won't be too many.

Oh yeah, I always joke. But I don't want to be stuck in my house. I think I have what I call a "smoking ghost" and have ever since I got my place. I checked with neighbors and they said neither of the two ppl who died here smoked. Dumb ghost. Doesn't it know smoking is harmful to one's health? I get smell of smoke here so bad sometimes, I actually start choking. Bizarro. If I become a ghost, I first want to join up with my mom, then poltergeist the shit out of my former tormentors everywhere they are! Yee haw! But instead of smoking, I think I'll chew some of that astral lemon nicotine gum.

 

[melissa286]

If I had had the results to do it back when I was in a better financial position, I would have gone to a hotel and left a generous tip for whatever housekeeping worker had to come across the remains.

As it stands now, it will have to be at home. I live alone, so I shouldn't be disturbed. My sister will probably come eventually if she calls and I don't answer. She is aware of my situation and is against it, but I don't think she would intervene knowing I don't want her to.

 

[ameliacecelia]

I'll be going on my mum's couch because that's where I live now. If she's having a fibromyalgia flare, she sleeps a lot. She sleeps heavily in general and I'm not worried about being found in time.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I'll be going on my mum's couch because that's where I live now. If she's having a fibromyalgia flare, she sleeps a lot. She sleeps heavily in general and I'm not worried about being found in time.

Ouch. I feel your pain. I just worry abt the trauma this will inflict on your mom.

If I had had the results to do it back when I was in a better financial position, I would have gone to a hotel and left a generous tip for whatever housekeeping worker had to come across the remains.

As it stands now, it will have to be at home. I live alone, so I shouldn't be disturbed. My sister will probably come eventually if she calls and I don't answer. She is aware of my situation and is against it, but I don't think she would intervene knowing I don't want her to.

That would seem to be as close to ideal as you could hope for. Will you ask her in a letter, mailed the same day as the bus arrives, to handle the sttling of your affairs? I assume you'll do 90% of that, but there's stuff that will need to have a trusted point person on your behalf. If I didn't have my friends, who are older themselves, I'd have to really rethink how i'd do it--just donate all to music institute, animal rescue agency, that sort of thing.

 

[ameliacecelia]

When I spoke to my parents about looking into medically assisted suicide if my illness got to a certain point, they agreed to support me. When I said I wanted to set a standard for when I would look into it, specifically urinating myself, they shut down talks. My mom once asked if I decided to go on my own, how she would feel about us doing it together. But that urinating myself wasn't where we should draw the line. Well, I'm losing bladder control now and struggling to eat from the tremors so the physical pain I'm in outweighs the trauma of what I'll leave behind. I appreciate your sentiment towards my mother though.