Have you attempted to look at your life objectively in order to make sure ctb is the right choice?

[Ambivalent1]

I get glimpses of the hopelessness of my situation every now and again, but I'm often not able to combine all of my various problems together to get a full picture. Not all of my problems are plaguing me every second. They appear depending on the trigger and then they fade and are replaced by another one of my problems. Sometimes I dissociate and am given a break from them.

The problems rarely appear together all at once, and when they do, it's often short lived. The odds of that overwhelming feeling staying constant long enough to ctb is very unlikely. I don't see how a person can ctb given that one's moods often shift unless you ctb at a point where you feel okay and are aware that the bad feelings will appear again in cycles.

And there's the fact that people are adaptive. Chronic problems become the norm and you just keep living despite the lowered quality of your life.

 

[UKscotty]

I think this is why suicide rates are very low, way less than 0.1%.

A lot of us feel we want to CTB but actually going through with it is rare.

For me depression is like waves.. more ups and downs than constant.

For some I guess it's more down than up and vice versa.

 

[Soontobegoner]

I myself look at my life and where I stand objectively everyday. Tried to fight all my life and fighting the intense battle from past 5 years where I am loosing. Every battle lost leaves a bigger scar.

 

[untothedepths]

If I had access to a reliable and quick method I would not be typing right now. I have thought long and hard about my life too, and there is no way it's going to end nicely for me. Each ending is just another flavor of really shitty circumstances. Homelessness, dying alone, being abused again - all on the table for me. It is naive to think I have any other options.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I think this is why suicide rates are very low, way less than 0.1%.

A lot of us feel we want to CTB but actually going through with it is rare.

For me depression is like waves.. more ups and downs than constant.

For some I guess it's more down than up and vice versa.

What's the most common reason people ctb?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Undiagnosed C/PTSD, severe PSSD, problems with family/no family(NC), sickness, diabetes, a hellish childhood, and not much better since, and nothing to look forward to except loneliness, worse health and old age. Combined with the fact that I never seem to get a break, I always seem to have several different problems or pain going on at the same time, I'm pretty sure, but I just can't get over survival instinct, so I'm trying to make the best of what I've got instead.

Short-lived or no problems at all is completely foreign to me.

 

[Ambivalent1]

If I had access to a reliable and quick method I would not be typing right now. I have thought long and hard about my life too, and there is no way it's going to end nicely for me. Each ending is just another flavor of really shitty circumstances. Homelessness, dying alone, being abused again - all on the table for me. It is naive to think I have any other options.

How many years forward are you looking? Old age tends to be bad for most people. I look forward as far as middle age. Anything beyond that i automatically assume is terrible.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's actually a more difficult question I think when you start to think about it. Is it possible to view our lives objectively? I imagine the reason we want to kill ourselves is all to do with subjectivity- we don't like our lives.

I guess it's complicated when that feeling isn't consistent but for me- it is pretty consistent. It's not that there's no possible way I could like or, at least tolerate my life. I think having financial security would ease things for me.

But- I suppose money is what dictates my and a lot of people's lives- which means work. To do the job I prefer, it means even more work than a regular 9-5 and basically, I'm tired of it all. I'm currently fortunate enough to have it as good as it gets for me and I'm still not happy so- that's enough to tell me I do actually want out.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Undiagnosed PTSD, severe PSSD, problems with family/no family(NC), sickness, diabetes, a hellish childhood, and not much better since, and nothing to look forward to except loneliness, worse health and old age. I'm pretty sure, but I just can't get over survival instinct, so I'm trying to make the best of what I've got instead.

I have PTSD too and my days are full of feeling uncomfortable and afraid. It's exhausting. The PTSD is causing physical health problems. I'm sure you're there given you mentioned sickness.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah, ctb is the right choice for me objectively. I'm not like the other humans who can adapt to their issues and I'm permanently fucked due to autism

 

[untothedepths]

How many years forward are you looking? Old age tends to be bad for most people. I look forward as far as middle age. Anything beyond that i automatically assume is terrible.

I'm looking forward at an undetermined amount of time. In my case, my health is deteriorating at a pretty consistent rate. I'm tired all of the time, muscle pain throughout my body, lesions, brain fog, some motor function lost and tumors/lumps in various parts of my body that get bigger overtime. Lost a lot of hair too. Can't get help for any of this, that's a lot of money so...once I'm no longer useful, I'll probably be dumped off somewhere. Can't work, can't make money, can't survive. No subsidized help either, checked.

 

[Ambivalent1]

It's actually a more difficult question I think when you start to think about it. Is it possible to view our lives objectively? I imagine the reason we want to kill ourselves is all to do with subjectivity- we don't like our lives.

I guess it's complicated when that feeling isn't consistent but for me- it is pretty consistent. It's not that there's no possible way I could like or, at least tolerate my life. I think having financial security would ease things for me.

But- I suppose money is what dictates my and a lot of people's lives- which means work. To do the job I prefer, it means even more work than a regular 9-5 and basically, I'm tired of it all. I'm currently fortunate enough to have it as good as it gets for me and I'm still not happy so- that's enough to tell me I do actually want out.

Maybe I should get a job. I struggle with working, but maybe it'd be the last straw. The having to go there each day and doing the same tasks and then trying to take care of everything else like doctor's appointments and car repairs, etc. The stress would be unbearable. I don't know how people do it.

 

[UKscotty]

What's the most common reason people ctb?

Depression would probably account for almost all suicides, even if people don't realise they are depressed.

I can just never understand how people can say they are not depressed but want to CTB. If someone is happy and content, I don't get it.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Depression would probably account for almost all suicides, even if people don't realise they are depressed.

I can just never understand how people can say they are not depressed but want to CTB. If someone is happy and content, I don't get it.

I think depression is too easy of an answer. Ancient people were depressed too. I don't think their suicide rates were high. But maybe they didn't have to rush toward death since it came to everyone so easily. People live too long now. Religion is now shown to be untrue so the magical aspect of life is gone and with it feelings of purpose.

Undiagnosed C/PTSD, severe PSSD, problems with family/no family(NC), sickness, diabetes, a hellish childhood, and not much better since, and nothing to look forward to except loneliness, worse health and old age. Combined with the fact that I never seem to get a break, I always seem to have several different problems or pain going on at the same time, I'm pretty sure, but I just can't get over survival instinct, so I'm trying to make the best of what I've got instead.

Short-lived or no problems at all is completely foreign to me.

My PTSD is there all the time, but it's background noise at this point. Im used to being uncomfortable and anxious. It's hard when it escalates. It takes awhile for it to settle back down to a more tolerable level.

You don't dissociate? Dissociating isn't pleasant but feeling nothing is as close to a vacation as I can get.

 

[xinino]

Yes, but not everyone can.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes, but not everyone can.

Because of high emotional distress?

 

[xinino]

Because of high emotional distress?

No, it is a long story. Let's just say my curiosity led me to rationalize controversial ideologies, even though my financial capability and education are more than enough to live a normal mainstream life.

You can read "about me" to learn more.

 

[Red Moon]

Yeah, ctb is the right choice for me objectively. I'm not like the other humans who can adapt to their issues and I'm permanently fucked due to autism

Same with me, autism has really affected my life negatively and there's no cure. I have some form of PTSD with it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's a difficult question. I've never really looked objectively on my life since my big failure. The subjective impressions and how it is affecting me are dominating. My failure is a kind of trauma.

Objectively my life can be considered good with a satisfying outlook mir and long term but the influence how I recognize my failure and how it affects me short term and daily is dominating again making and objective view on my life difficult.

Probably that objectively good outlook is also one of the reasons that makes me reconsider my decision to CTB.

 

[unabletocope]

Yes, the more I figure out the more clearer and confident I feel about methods, the more I feel methods are coming through

 

[LunarLight]

I think depression is too easy of an answer. Ancient people were depressed too. I don't think their suicide rates were high. But maybe they didn't have to rush toward death since it came to everyone so easily. People live too long now. Religion is now shown to be untrue so the magical aspect of life is gone and with it feelings of purpose.

Actually, the suicide rates in Ancient Greece/Rome were pretty high as suicide was seen as a noble death. But it wasn't due to depression. It was a way to avoid disgrace. Socrates killed himself to avoid being executed. Seneca was sentenced to slitting his wrists by Nero because he was caught up in the aftermath of the Pisonian conspiracy. So yeah, the main cause of suicide being depression is a cultural thing. It hasn't always been like this.

As to answer your question, the problem is there is no objectivity in life, only subjective suffering. And it's unbearable. Yeah, I'm married, I'm very smart and used to be successful in my studies, I have enough money to survive. Objectively, there would be no reason to CTB. And yet, I want to die so bad. Or, more precisely, I want my suffering to end. I would live if I didn't suffer that much. That's why I would like to try rTMS or ECT before CTBing. I tried everything but those. Unfortunately, it's not available where I live. And I want the suffering to end it now. I can't take it anymore. So... maybe I won't wait. I've already waited for 16 years for my suffering to end, for things to get better. But it seems like it's only downhill from here. And psychiatrists tell me it's my fault if I'm depressed, it's because of my lifestyle, I should get out of bed and do things. But I can't. I would if I could, but I can't. It's the other way around: I'm bedridden BECAUSE I'm depressed. And I can't force myself to get out of bed. I should have seen a friend of mine today, but I couldn't get out of bed. My executive functions are slowly shutting off. I'm already dying. I know now it's time to go.