Have intense are your suicidal thoughts

[rabbithole]

Are they to the point that you cannot fit a single thought in between them?
I do not watch tv anymore, don't work, don't go to school, can't look at social media...all because of my disease. I'm sure you guys are sick of me harping on about it. I know I make a lot of threads lol.

What are your thoughts like? What percentage of the day do they consume?

 

[VisionsOfHell]

I'm also mostly housbound due to illness.

What are your thoughts like? What percentage of the day do they consume?

I fantasize about what it would be like to go to sleep and never wake up again. Finally being at peace knowing that my long uphill battle is finally over. On the process itself I dont spend much time thinking about it since I got everything sorted out.
As for how often I think about, depends on the day, it ranges from hours to not even a minute.

Cheers

 

[_Kaira_]

Depends on if I actually have the energy to feel anything. Some days I'm beyond p*ssed off. Other days I'm so overwhelmingly sad and suicidal, but I know for sure I can't do a d*mn thing about it. The only thing I ever legitimately enjoyed was gaming. I don't anymore. Not in the slightest. I have no choice but to look for jobs or something, otherwise I'm threatened with homelessness. Death doesn't scare me as much anymore. But the thought of being homeless as a woman in the location I'm in (very very unsafe), I'd probably find myself in a worse situation than death....

I want nothing more to just close my eyes and never wake up. It's all I can think about anymore, between the arguments and pro-life debates. Ughhh.

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

For me lately it's more been like a constant drumbeat in the background. It's not that it's every thought I have, or takes up much of my total day, but it's always the undertone of everything else I'm thinking, and I do reach for those more direct CTB thoughts when everything else is too much.

 

[Ali]

Son intensos pero no puedo ctb todavía porque no tengo lo que necesito. He planificado una cita y ahora solo pienso que tengo un límite, ya no hago ejercicio, no hago lo que solía hacer y solo siento que me estoy deteriorando, a veces siento miedo de que mi plan no funcione y mi mente está bloqueada. Solo tengo días aburridos sin nada que hacer

 

[Rue89]

My ctb thoughts are pretty constant. When I am thinking about other things, ctb always seems to squeeze its way into my thoughts somehow.

 

[Nymph]

I'd probably kill myself rn if I didn't have a pet rabbit. I just can't leave him alone in this world. I bought him and now I have to take care of him there's no other way but I just feel so fucking shit

 

[chrisbate7]

I have OCD so I think about suicide probably for 8-12 hours each day. Debating back and forth on when or if I should do it. Then feeling intense guilt about abandoning my wife and kids

 

[rabbithole]

I'm also mostly housbound due to illness.


I fantasize about what it would be like to go to sleep and never wake up again. Finally being at peace knowing that my long uphill battle is finally over. On the process itself I dont spend much time thinking about it since I got everything sorted out.
As for how often I think about, depends on the day, it ranges from hours to not even a minute.

Cheers

I'm so sorry for your situation. I know that helps not one bit. I hope you get some moments of peace during your days at least. I think having things sorted let's your mind rest a bit. Even enough that you can put it off for a bit.

love your avatar btw.

I have OCD so I think about suicide probably for 8-12 hours each day. Debating back and forth on when or if I should do it. Then feeling intense guilt about abandoning my wife and kids

I'm sorry. I know I can't feel what your mind feels like and you can't feel mine but that's how often I think of it too...like every other thought and it's intense. It's torturous. For me i don't want to die but have to or I will continue being tortured by all my thoughts plus my physical disease which has gifted me with all these awful thoughts. I hope you get peace soon. I don't know your situation at all but I'm sure you've exhausted other options before arriving at ctb but I always wonder if there's something that could help.

I'd probably kill myself rn if I didn't have a pet rabbit. I just can't leave him alone in this world. I bought him and now I have to take care of him there's no other way but I just feel so fucking shit

I'm so sorry. Sometimes a pet is all we need to stick around for longer. Then maybe circumstances change for the better? Who knows. I sure hope so for you. That's so selfless of you to stick around for him when you're feeling so shit though. Says a lot about you.

 

[BPDPrincess]

For me lately it's more been like a constant drumbeat in the background. It's not that it's every thought I have, or takes up much of my total day, but it's always the undertone of everything else I'm thinking, and I do reach for those more direct CTB thoughts when everything else is too much.

Exactly!! You explain perfectly its the same for me

 

[Trisolaris]

Think about it all day every day.

 

[SheJumped]

Thoughts always remain with me in the background when I wake up to when I finally get some sleep. Recently however when I wake up, I suddenly realize that I'm alive and disappointed with that discovery.

 

[booray]

Think about it all day every day.

Ditto.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I'll say it's super intense. I'm at the point where I'm contemplating suiciding at work. Since I've grown tired of being disregarded by everyone. Even my own mother.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Mine are quite intense, too. Not a day goes by when I don't suffer from suicidal thought.

 

[cupples1979@hotmail.]

Thoughts always remain with me in the background when I wake up to when I finally get some sleep. Recently however when I wake up, I suddenly realize that I'm alive and disappointed with that discovery.

Same. Everyday I wake up wishing I didnt

 

[ansiedad]

My suicide thougs was desapeared but yesterday they returned so strong...
I can't deal with this. I made my plan and I gonna ctb soon.

 

[muffin222]

At one dark point, I thought about suicide almost every waking moment of every day. Nowadays, the thoughts surface periodically once every few days. I doubt they'll ever vanish completely, but they do lessen considerably now that I'm committed to recovery.

 

[cupples1979@hotmail.]

Its 24 7 right now for me. I cant take much more

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Most of the time the thoughts are quiet and not too disruptive, but they are constant - like a background noise. Though if it is a bad day they can turn more intense, and then it becomes a problem.

 

[Lost Magic]

Everyday, I get intrusive thoughts about suicide. Some days I can manage better than others but I don't want to live just to cope. Pills help but I have to space them out so that I don't build up a tolerance. Alcohol, especially hangovers make me intensely more suicidal. I want to leave this hell hole planet this year but until that day comes I will just play more games, listen to music and try to get more sleep.

 

[cupples1979@hotmail.]

Exactly!! You explain perfectly its the same for me

Sums it up

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

As of late I'm developing a fantasy in which I take a pinch of SN every day so I get cancer and die.

 

[sunshine5]

I'm struggling to do anything and letting everyone down constantly

 

[the_final_countdown]

I just want to rest. I don't want to suffer anymore.

Tired. Constantly tired.

 

[ixkitty]

My thoughts are more like - it'll be doing good but reminders of failure will pop its way in quite often. "Remember when you failed out of nursing school? When you failed out of thr air force? When you made your mom upset because you didn't do x or y?" It's a constant

 

[Lost Magic]

As of late I'm developing a fantasy in which I take a pinch of SN every day so I get cancer and die.

a pinch everyday? Sounds like a bad idea. I have seen a loved one suffer and die from cancer and it aint pretty.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

a pinch everyday? Sounds like a bad idea. I have seen a loved one suffer and die from cancer and it aint pretty.

Yeah, I know. I'm not doing it. But it's floating in there. I said this only in relation to the question - as in, my ctb thoughts are pretty intense.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I know. I'm not doing it. But it's floating in there. I said this only in relation to the question - as in, my ctb thoughts are pretty intense.

fair enough but I am just flat out saying that nobody wants cancer cause it is one of the worst ways to die. Unless of course the victim of the disease is able to go to Switzerland or someplace to end it, if it is uncurbable.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

fair enough but I am just flat out saying that nobody wants cancer cause it is one of the worst ways to die. Unless of course the victim of the disease is able to go to Switzerland or someplace to end it if it is uncurbable.

I know what you're saying. I'm not proud of my thoughts, but I can't just deny they're there. I meant no disrespect to anyone who's actually sick or have lost someone to the sickness. I worked in a home for elderly people for 12 years. I've seen my share of people dying from cancer, and it was always horrific.