Has your view of suicide changed over the years?

[Busticket]

Mine has.
I wouldn't say I was a "pro lifer" but I was mostly against ctb.
I guess my life wasn't shit enough yet and I still I had hopes for the future.
But now I know how nightmatish life can become and sometimes ctbing really is the only way to escape the torture your life has become and escape your suffering.

 

[aminend]

Same here

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I have never really wanted to be alive, I have always struggled with life from the start and found death comforting. I think over the years, when I have been getting more problems and getting more tired of life, I have been thinking of suicide more and seeing it as the only way to be free of this burden of existence. My view hasn't changed, suicidal thoughts have always been a part of me but, I have just felt more strongly towards it. I do understand that going through suffering can change many people. There is no limit as to how bad life can get, so I strongly believe in a right to die.

 

[Weary Soul]

Not really for me. I knew at the age of 7 that I did not want to get any older. At that time I did not know the word for suicide. I was very, very isolated and am taking the 60's early 70's here.

Not to mention I was raised in a very relgious family and had hell fire and brimstsone shoved down my throat all the time for years.

Ironically my father wanted to be a religious leader and was a decon on the church, and yet at home? He was evil incarnate with the way he treated me - although I now know that many abusers are this way,

When I was 12 or so, I told my momster that I wanted to kill myself, she told me that if I took my own life, I would be cursed to follow behind her for eternity as a ghost whilst constantly apologizing to her. I knew then that I would rather be forced to live a hellish existence or party it up in the lava pools in hell than face having to follow behind her for eternity. Now that (what she said), would have been true hell.

One thing I always knew, without a doubt, is that those who say suicide is an easy way out are very, very wrong. It takes tremendous strenght to take your own life - at least in my opinion.

 

[Loneliest]

Not really. I've been wanting to die since I was 12. I attempted at 12 but I didn't know how to so I was just taking lots of random pills I could find at home, hoping I'd die and nothing happened.

Throughout all these years, I've attempted a few times. Strangely, there were times in my life where I was truly happy, but even in those happy moments, I still wanted to die.

I'm going to do it soon. Before my birthday. I know people think that you can change your life if you WANT to. But it's not possible when you've been abused physically and mentally by your parents since you were born and been bullied horribly at school. Things like this left a huge scar on me, changed my personality and the way I react to things. I'm not able to trust anyone after and I pushed away every single person who came into my life because I was scared to get hurt. So yeah I think ctb is my only fate

 

[demuic]

I was never a big fan of life, but I was afraid to die so I couldn't understand how people were able to kill themselves.

Now all I want is death.

 

[Whole-Ad]

When I was a child I'd say I leaned more to pro-life. I'd see it on the news and I'd ask my mother why. How could someone kill themselves? How could they leave their family and friends? Looking back I realise I just couldn't understand. I believe you can't truly understand suicide until you've been in a position where you're seriously contemplating taking your own life.

When I reached my high school years, I often thought about it. Never made a plan, but I'd remind myself that it was always an option if I wanted it. But I don't think I was ever that serious back then.

Once I left high school, I started working full time as well as college. I much preferred working over college as I'm more of a 'do it' type of person rather than sitting around writing all day. I worked there for 3 years until I couldn't take it anymore. Management was terrible, we were always under staffed, and no one was actually trained. I left and started working at McDonalds.

McDonalds was always meant to be a temporary job while I looked for something else. Unfortunately after a couple months of working at McDonalds I started to realise I had no choice but to ctb. I've been diagnosed with Autism now, and so I can understand my reasoning a little better, but at the time, I felt trapped in this job. I can't possibly go through another job interview, I'm terrible at social situations, it just makes me too anxious. I either work here forever or die. Might sound a little drastic to those who don't understand Autism that well, there is no cure, I either get on with life and be the outsider or I take the shortcut to finish the race.

So the past 2 years are where I seriously started thinking of suicide, but I had it as an option for a long time. I have 3 attempts in the past 2 years, all of which were impulsive. Something that comes with the autism is the need to plan my suicide to the last detail. I almost finished my plan which was SN method. I obtained the SN and all I needed was some metoclopramide. Unfortunately, my SN was discovered after I overdosed on something else and was passed out for 2 days. Police seized it and now I'm sectioned in a psych ward.

I've been in the psych ward for 2 months now and I've tried to be positive about it and give it a chance but nothing is able to change my mind. I still want to die more than anything. None of the medications are working and at this point I'm starting to believe that there is nothing to 'cure', this is just how I am.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I was never opposed to suicide, but I used to be unable to comprehend how someone could reach that point of wanting to end it. But now I see it so easily.

 

[RealLostSoul]

Yes, as a teen I was more glamorizing the dark stuff and death and now as an adult, I see it in a rational light. That there will be no glory in death, pain and trauma for people around me which will fade like everything though, and that I will only rot in the dirt with worms and bacteria around me. It's literally just to end a lifetime of misery. It's not glorious at all in my eyes anymore, just necessary I guess?

 

[Lmd]

I'm a pro lifer. I'm totally against the idea of a pro choice world and normalize the idea of wanting to CTB. We live in a unfair world, people is mean, diseases exists, I get it. I still want a world that tries to fix these problems instead of giving up and say "whatever just die lol" Saying that, I know I can't fix peoples problems so I'm not going to prevent anyone from taking their own life or give them support and encouragement to do so. Each one carries their pain as best they can and if they end up in this situation it's for something, and I respect that. I just wish things were different.

In my personal experience, I've been suicidal for almost my whole life. When I was younger I had a childish version of everything and I was just trying to have the attention of people. Once I learned how heavy the emotions are and how affect death to a circle I started to take things more seriously and thinking a bit why I was like that. The more time passes the more I want to end my life but at least now I'm not annoying with my feelings and my friends enjoy a well built version of myself.