@WhatPowerIs, perhaps @Nolan96 is talking about the fault line that lies between "gay" and "queer?" At least where I live, "queer" suggests a counter-culture identity. "Gay" doesn't necessarily. Pete Buttigieg is an example of gay, but not queer. He had a successful stint in the military during "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," if you want to visualize exactly how not-counterculture that guy is. He is literally indistinguishable from the next random dude from Indiana, except for the fact that he has a husband instead of a wife. I suppose Kurt Cobain might have been queer, but not gay. He slept with women. He also went around wearing women's clothes a lot. I actually suspect he might have been transfeminine, but I don't think there's concrete evidence of that. As far as anyone knows, he was just a really queer straight dude.
The reason I think Nolan96 may be talking about "queer" is that he mentions some kind of collective ideology. I'd call "ideology" a little strong of a word. Honestly, I think it's more a shared type of trauma. If you've ever had your baby teeth punched out by a kid who called you "faggot," you either learned to repress whatever quality made him want to hit you, or you ended up embracing your faggotude. That's roughly what "queer" is: embracing whatever it is about you that makes the sexuality and gender police want to punch your teeth out.
I suspect the large majority of gay people are the sort who could (and do) live out their lives under a type of Don't Ask, Don't Tell rule, self-imposed or otherwise. Why wouldn't they? They get punched in the teeth less. It's quite likely you interact with them multiple times a day and don't notice. By contrast, if you look at someone and just immediately think "gay," possibly due to sublte "gaydar" cues, possibly because they are literally wearing a shirt that says "GAY" on it in great big letters, you are probably looking at someone who is both gay and queer. I can see imagining that "queer" and "gay" have a much larger Venn diagram overlap than they do, because being noticeably gay is considered a subversive act, and "subversive" is a self-selecting category.
Edit: For the record, I am trans, gay, and queer. I would still be queer if I were cis and heterosexual. I have a sib like that. Our mother probably qualified as cis, het, and queer. She was the kid who was tormented all her youth for being gender non-conforming. It's actually being the target of sex and gender policing that earns you the ticket into queer, if you want it. (You're allowed to decline.) I'm sort of secondhand queer. Culturally queer. I actually get much more shit about my gender identity and sexuality now than I did as a kid. But then, most of the hatred aimed at LGBTQ+ people is really only aimed at the ones who were assigned male at birth. Because the world is stupid, that's why. Not that equal opportunity hate would be better--just that there's not even any internal logic to hating on people who aren't cis and hetero.
