Discussion Has anyone here ever made an attempt that they knew would fail?

[MellowAvenue]

I'm rather curious about this; If so why? Was it an act of desperation brought on by your dire situation? Did you lack the means for a successful attempt and if you had the means why did you opt for the failed attempt? Was it the infamous "just crying for attention" that some people will throw at suicidal people? Even if it was I'm not here to judge by the way because even if it was that people should be asking why they were crying for attention instead of belittling them and adding fuel to the fire.

For full transparency I'll admit I contemplated using methods that I knew would likely fail in the past, like drinking toilet bowl cleaner when I was at my absolute lowest point, but part of the reason I didn't attempt was precisely because I knew it wouldn't work but lacked other means I was comfortable with using despite knowing they'd be more likely to work.

 

[almaranthine]

Yes and no. In 2017 I attempted a method, knowing it may or may not work. I wasn't doing it for attention or anything, I was just willing to go through with the attempt in hopes that it would work. It was also easier to bypass my SI knowing that there was a chance it was going to fail. So, I got drunk, took a bunch of pills, and tried to pass out in my bathtub. Instead of sedating me, the meds and the alcohol potentiated each other and put me in a crazed blackout state and I was committed.

 

[MellowAvenue]

It was also easier to bypass my SI knowing that there was a chance it was going to fail.

That's interesting but I guess it makes sense though. It's not as definite, so your brain doesn't kick into overdrive about it I guess. Hate to hear that it didn't work and that you got committed.

 

[hotpizza529]

I attempted last year. I was not doing well and desperate to find relief. I knew that I would die or at the very least seriously injure my health, but I also knew that I might fail. I went through with my plan and passed out. The next thing I knew was me waking up at a hospital with horrifying hallucinations…..so, to answer your question, yes, I knew that I might fail but did it regardless because I felt like it was meant to happen, and I was willing to risk anything to not feel pain anymore.

 

[Lysandre]

Yes, once paracetamol, and another time a secret second thing that i believed would truly kill me, except it generated such anxiety and tacchycardia that i had no other choice but to get help. Thing put me out of order for two whole days, i was unable to walk, to read, hell i could barely talk or eat without making a panic attack.

 

[Regen]

Yes, when I was a teen I overdosed twice and dont want to die. I think crying for help is more right then crying for attention. And knowing that every attempt can cause death means that every attempt is always more then only seeking attention. I was full of pain and emptiness and I dont knew how to handle it in another way.

I will say the truth: today I love the idea doing that again, because I am high funktionell and so everyone think I feel better then I do feel. But I am old enough to know that this would not help and that this is to dangerous.

 

[almaranthine]

That's interesting but I guess it makes sense though. It's not as definite, so your brain doesn't kick into overdrive about it I guess. Hate to hear that it didn't work and that you got committed.

all in all, that time I was committed I received the best care compared to other times. It was a pretty decent experience. After being released my mom didn't really even care. She never tried to talk with me to understand what happened or why I did it or try to get me any help.

 

[MovingOn]

I tried hanging myself knowing I'd pussy out of it, so basically I just ended up squeezing my throat with not all of my body weight on the belt. Hanging feels impossible, too much SI.

 

[Regen]

It was also easier to bypass my SI knowing that there was a chance it was going to fail.

Yes, that's true, i feel the same. My past attempts were impulsive and without much knowledge. Today I am absolutely sure, if I try to commit suicide again I would not fail. That makes it more difficult for me.

 

[Anna.]

i once did try to hang myself, but not really as a cry for help. i was 12 and i told people i was going to kill myself because i was crying out for help, but then when i got home, i thought "fuck this, it doesn't matter anyway" and tried to kill myself. i didn't know if it was going to work but i hoped. it was a cry for help but also not

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I wasn't really knowledgeable on other methods. Part of me just really hoped I would be the 1-2% that it worked for. I think another part of me wanted to see if I really wanted to CTB. I did/do.

 

[damaged_soul]

Definitely not, the only reason I am still here is that I am extremely afraid of failing

 

[Monkeyman]

Yes, with some pills. I was hoping it wouldn't fail, but knew it was very likely it would. Ended up just vomiting most of it. It was pretty much a last-minute act of desperation and I didn't know a lot about methods back then.

 

[Lifeless mindset]

I tied a plastic bag around my head and used shoe string as handcuffs. SI kicked in and I slipped from the cuffs.

 

[onceuponadec]

I tried to cut my wrists. I didn't really know if it would fail, but I knew I most likely wouldn't succeed the entire way. My hands were weak from nerve damage, and I couldn't grip the knife properly. Not to mention, I didn't realize how thick skin could be and I was trying to use a steak knife.
My grandparents found me crying in my bed, clutching the knife and I got carted off to the hospital and put on a hold for 72 hours.

 

[seaweaves]

About ten years ago I tried to drown. I started to swim as far as I could into avery large body of water. It was well past midnight with no water traffic or swimmers around, and the hope was that I'd be too exhausted and too far from shore to save myself by the end (I was already close to sleep). I had been in the area for a few days, had thought about it in that offhand way we sometimes do ("oh, what if..."), and it was my last night there before leaving.

I knew it was unlikely to work for a number of reasons, a simple one being that I float quite easily and another being SI. But I had been on the brink of catching for long enough, and some things had happened the last few days in particular. Here I was. Here the water was. So why not?

Sometimes you're thinking about catching a bus. A bus rolls up. You don't know if it's the one you want, but you also don't know when the next one will be. You make a choice one way or another.

Still, here I am.

**

Editing for clarity to answer OP's questions more directly:

It certainly wasn't for attention, and was meant to be private. It wasn't because of desperation exactly, nor a dire situation alone, so much as the slow accumulation of everything. And I want to stress that the choice wasn't impulsive in the way that some studies think are common of CTB attempts, even if it was very in-the-moment. If you're thinking of buying a pomegranate for a while, and see them on sale, it doesn't feel like an impulse buy to purchase them. Maybe they don't even look quite like you remember or hoped for, and maybe you aren't in the mood for them right now. But they've been on your mind and you have the option. You make a choice and take up the opportunity. That was my experience: choosing to take up an opportunity, even if it didn't seem like it would do the trick.

In fact, reflecting on it now, I probably wouldn't have tried if I had felt a stronger urge to CTB. I would have likely waited for a safer guarantee.

 

[western_heart]

Yup. In my 20s there were a few times I took a bunch of pills that had a remote chance of killing me, low risk of permanent damage, with a high chance of making it so I'd spend most of the next day asleep. Afterwards I'd sleep for 12+ hours, wake up for an hour to take care of hygiene and food, and go back to sleep, possibly taking more pills.

in my mid 20s when I had more faith in psychiatry, I ended up with a collection of meds that I'd been prescribed but didn't take much of. Non-SSRI antidepressants, sleep meds, weak anxiety drugs, antihistamines, etc. none of it was really strong enough to cause death or lasting harm. I came up with combos that I was 95% sure that I'd wake up after taking. 99% sure that I wouldn't need to l go to the hospital if I did wake up. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing and as I wasn't working or going to school at the time, and my parents tended to ignore my strange behavior, no one knew until months l later. At most someone

 

[lionetta12]

I'm rather curious about this; If so why? Was it an act of desperation brought on by your dire situation? Did you lack the means for a successful attempt and if you had the means why did you opt for the failed attempt? Was it the infamous "just crying for attention" that some people will throw at suicidal people? Even if it was I'm not here to judge by the way because even if it was that people should be asking why they were crying for attention instead of belittling them and adding fuel to the fire.

For full transparency I'll admit I contemplated using methods that I knew would likely fail in the past, like drinking toilet bowl cleaner when I was at my absolute lowest point, but part of the reason I didn't attempt was precisely because I knew it wouldn't work but lacked other means I was comfortable with using despite knowing they'd be more likely to work.

No, failing an attempt is traumatizing and stressful. Thinking about even doing an attempt, all I think about is will it fail? I hope not, because I don't wanna end up a veggie or stay alive and deal with the trauma after failing, but it's happened and it sucks.