Has anyone found mindfulness helpful?

[Groundhog_Day]

Hi everyone, sorry if this post is too long. I'm a new member, who has been reading the forum for a while.

I have tried mindfulness a little, but i have struggled to create distance from my constant negative self talk. I can meditate for 5-10 mins and feel better slightly at times, but almost immediately get lost again in the unconscious negative inner monologue, as soon as I stop meditating.

I spend 99.99% of my time lost in negative thoughts or distracting myself with podcasts or YouTube videos.

I know mindfulness can help some people massively, but I'm not sure if it can work for me as I have avoidant personality disorder, which means I constantly have negative thoughts about myself, and i think that everyone else is having negative thoughts about me too.

Maybe I need to try more, as Eckhart Tolle says we don't want a solution to our problems, but rather to continue the story of 'me', and that is our problem. I think he says the solution is to observe your thoughts without judgement, and over time you can separate from them, and not get the negative emotions from them. I just haven't experienced this yet.

 

[Life_and_Death]

it takes a lot of work. learning triggers, catching yourself. lots of repeating. but yeah

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Thanks for replying. It's probably what I knew all along, that you have to put a lot of effort in, to get any benefit.

It's just hard to find the motivation when you're so far down the wrong path. I'm 41, neet, ugly, Marfan syndrome, avpd, no friends and never had gf etc. I guess I either put in the effort, or just get more suicidal, and hopefully things get so bad that si is no longer an issue.

 

[Aim]

Hard to say, since we all are so different, with what helps and/or not, but when I was almost healthy, mindfulness really helped to keep the anxiety in check!
But with severe anxiety/depression i do not feel like mindfulness is enough. But again that's just my experience. It has helped alot of people, and so yours maybe is different.

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Thanks for replying. I agree that it probably won't be enough if you have severe anxiety/depression, but it will probably at the very least help a little. I guess you just have to put in some effort and find out for yourself. Like my above post mentions, getting past my life situation and motivating myself to put in the daily effort, is where I'm struggling. Was looking to bypass the effort and hope someone in a similar situation had already tried and could let me know the outcome, lol.

 

[Aim]

It's not that hard, but I think for most people, practice until you get it. When you have learned it, you have learned it. So jepp, like you say. Abit effort like everything else.
Off course! No probs!

 

[carac]

Hi, I think I have avoidant personality disorder too but I haven't been diagnosed. I'm 46 and never really had a girlfriend.
When I suffered with severe chronic pain body scan meditation was one of the very first things I found helped me. I used to do them almost everyday.

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Hi, I think I have avoidant personality disorder too but I haven't been diagnosed. I'm 46 and never really had a girlfriend.
When I suffered with severe chronic pain body scan meditation was one of the very first things I found helped me. I used to do them almost everyday.

Thanks for the advice. I've heard of body scan meditation, but haven't tried it yet. It sounds like a good way to have more awareness of the present moment, and create distance from the constant self talk.

Sorry to hear you have avpd also. I am self diagnosed as well, but I tick every box, and when you're in your 40's with never having gf etc. it seems pretty safe to say you have avpd. I wish I was asexual, as it's hard being wired to desire love and intimacy but having a personality disorder that makes it impossible.

Hope you're doing well, and have found a way to be happy.

 

[cryone]

I have tried mindfulness a little, but i have struggled to create distance from my constant negative self talk.

I want to say that its not necessary to "create distance" (especially if your tactic right now is failing). Infact, it can be counterproductive since you are actively thinking about it while also consciously accepting the negative talk as truthful. I read something similar to this in a self-help book. (the antidote: happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking, btw) it's the idea that, lets say, if I tell you not to think of yellow penguins you will do the exact opposite. Kind of a weird way of putting it, but the idea is that perhaps the best way to improve yourself is not to actively create distance, but rather to embrace it. Sorry if this is off-topic, but it was an interesting perspective that I found useful.

 

[certified_idiot]

It depends on the person. Mindfulness doesn't work that well for me because stuff like meditating is based on controlled dissociation, and I can't control my dissociation due to it being a coping mechanism I used heavily as a child. If I try to meditate, I will most likely completely detach from reality. Instead of focusing on my breathing, I will probably forget about the world and start slipping back into my maladaptive daydreaming habits from when I was a child. I may forget how much time had passed, and that is a huge trigger for my anxiety. I also have severe alexithymia, so if I try to identify what I'm feeling, I won't be able to, which sometimes triggers a panic attack. Different solutions work for different people, so while mindfulness doesn't work that well for me, stuff like medication, which many people aren't receptive to, does help me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's exactly mindfulness. Maybe it is- not sure but- I feel like I am prone to limerance (obsessive crushes on people.) I can at least realise now when I am starting to get obsessive and delusional about someone- so- I'm more able to stop myself in my tracks. I say to myself: 'Yeah- this is all very nice but it's fantasy and it will end badly! This isn't real- it's just what you are prone to doing.' That tends to jolt me out of it a bit. Also- I used to feel so embarassed about having these ridiculous, obsessive crushes but- I forgive myself that too. Limerance often develops because something was lacking in a person's childhood. Mine wasn't exactly terrible but it wasn't great either. So now- it just becomes something I feel like I'm prone to- for no fault of my own. But- in the long run, it doesn't do me any favours- so it's best to try and keep control of it.

I don't know if you can do the same. I don't know if that is mindfulness. But- you can seem to notice when your inner voice has become especially harsh. Maybe you can also say to yourself- this is also something you do because of your avoidant personality disorder. There's a good chance it isn't real- or- it has becone exaggerated.

When it comes to others opinions- this tends to help me. Friends once compared it to this analogy- that when we stumble in the street, the first thing we tend to do is to look around to see if anyone saw. A lot of the time though- most people are focused on themselves so that they don't stumble themselves! Most people are probably too absorbed in their own lives to think about others that much.

Plus- put it this way. There's stuff in life we have to do. We might have to do something for work. Whether we do it with a nagging voice in our heads telling us how shit we are at everything or- without that- we still have to do that particular thing. So- sometimes when I get that- I try and replace it with- 'just do your best. Probably everyone is nervous doing this too but you keep fretting like this and you will mess it up!' So- sometimes I get angry with my negative voice!

 

[Dot]

I want to say that its not necessary to "create distance" (especially if your tactic right now is failing). Infact, it can be counterproductive since you are actively thinking about it while also consciously accepting the negative talk as truthful. I read something similar to this in a self-help book. (the antidote: happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking, btw) it's the idea that, lets say, if I tell you not to think of yellow penguins you will do the exact opposite. Kind of a weird way of putting it, but the idea is that perhaps the best way to improve yourself is not to actively create distance, but rather to embrace it. Sorry if this is off-topic, but it was an interesting perspective that I found useful.

Hve also reda tht bk - = gd

"Wht u rsist perssts"

Thanks for replying. I agree that it probably won't be enough if you have severe anxiety/depression, but it will probably at the very least help a little. I guess you just have to put in some effort and find out for yourself. Like my above post mentions, getting past my life situation and motivating myself to put in the daily effort, is where I'm struggling. Was looking to bypass the effort and hope someone in a similar situation had already tried and could let me know the outcome, lol.

Thre r mny mindlnss rsourcs in recvry sectn - thre r links t/ free Mon-Fri spportd grp medtatn sessns onlne & also info on usng mindflss t/ hlp lean in2 dffclt emotns

Info = on https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/therapy-methods-explained-under-construction.139570/ & https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/mental-health-worksheets-booklets-megathread.138817/ threds

 

[todiefor]

I have also read that book - it's good.

"What you resist persists."



There are many mindfulness resources in the recovery section - there are links to free Monday-Friday supported group meditation sessions online and also information on using mindfulness to help lean into difficult emotions.

Info = on https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/therapy-methods-explained-under-construction.139570/ & https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/mental-health-worksheets-booklets-megathread.138817/ Threads

 

[Kit1]

I find that mindfulness helps if I can practise it in mild stress areas - however when I am fully dissociated,nothing works as I am gone (physically and psychologically I flee and am all alone somewhere 100s of miles from my usual places. Partial dissociation, grounding followed by mindfulness can help. I am autistic and have Complex PTSD.., I actually do pracrice mindfulness and grounding techniques on a daily basis to try and keep away the traumatic memories, flashbacks etc at bay - sometimes it works, but it doesn't in an escalated mode or when something has triggered me. However when I do not practise it at all, suicidal ideation is on the up often finding myself on top of the mountain or looking at the tracks or taking an overdose - so I use these techniques to try and cope and as a preventative measure.

 

[carac]

I want to say that its not necessary to "create distance" (especially if your tactic right now is failing). Infact, it can be counterproductive since you are actively thinking about it while also consciously accepting the negative talk as truthful. I read something similar to this in a self-help book. (the antidote: happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking, btw) it's the idea that, lets say, if I tell you not to think of yellow penguins you will do the exact opposite. Kind of a weird way of putting it, but the idea is that perhaps the best way to improve yourself is not to actively create distance, but rather to embrace it. Sorry if this is off-topic, but it was an interesting perspective that I found useful.

Yea "what you resist persists" This is pretty much the strategy I used for dealing with a lot of my chronic pain. I'd always just wanted it to be gone and always afraid it would never leave, that just made it hang around. When I did body meditation I began to learn that it was ok just to sit with the pain and accept it, just acknowledge it is there and it's fine. I know for some people they can't do this but for me it really helped. I wouldn't say it alone cured me it just set me off on my journey of feeling safe and not be afraid of the pain and letting it control me.

 

[Groundhog_Day]

I want to say that its not necessary to "create distance" (especially if your tactic right now is failing). Infact, it can be counterproductive since you are actively thinking about it while also consciously accepting the negative talk as truthful. I read something similar to this in a self-help book. (the antidote: happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking, btw) it's the idea that, lets say, if I tell you not to think of yellow penguins you will do the exact opposite. Kind of a weird way of putting it, but the idea is that perhaps the best way to improve yourself is not to actively create distance, but rather to embrace it. Sorry if this is off-topic, but it was an interesting perspective that I found useful.

That's a great point. I heard that trying to stop your thoughts is impossible, but creating distance from them can be achieved. I think my problem is I focus on the results, rather than the process. Only the process is in our control, not the results.

I have a very anxious mind, and always worry about the big picture, rather than relax and focus in on the process. Because of the anxiety and feelings of panic, I run away to distraction and avoid the elephant in the room. It's just the elephant is getting bigger every day, and is starting to crush me against the wall.

I don't think it's exactly mindfulness. Maybe it is- not sure but- I feel like I am prone to limerance (obsessive crushes on people.) I can at least realise now when I am starting to get obsessive and delusional about someone- so- I'm more able to stop myself in my tracks. I say to myself: 'Yeah- this is all very nice but it's fantasy and it will end badly! This isn't real- it's just what you are prone to doing.' That tends to jolt me out of it a bit. Also- I used to feel so embarassed about having these ridiculous, obsessive crushes but- I forgive myself that too. Limerance often develops because something was lacking in a person's childhood. Mine wasn't exactly terrible but it wasn't great either. So now- it just becomes something I feel like I'm prone to- for no fault of my own. But- in the long run, it doesn't do me any favours- so it's best to try and keep control of it.

I don't know if you can do the same. I don't know if that is mindfulness. But- you can seem to notice when your inner voice has become especially harsh. Maybe you can also say to yourself- this is also something you do because of your avoidant personality disorder. There's a good chance it isn't real- or- it has becone exaggerated.

When it comes to others opinions- this tends to help me. Friends once compared it to this analogy- that when we stumble in the street, the first thing we tend to do is to look around to see if anyone saw. A lot of the time though- most people are focused on themselves so that they don't stumble themselves! Most people are probably too absorbed in their own lives to think about others that much.

Plus- put it this way. There's stuff in life we have to do. We might have to do something for work. Whether we do it with a nagging voice in our heads telling us how shit we are at everything or- without that- we still have to do that particular thing. So- sometimes when I get that- I try and replace it with- 'just do your best. Probably everyone is nervous doing this too but you keep fretting like this and you will mess it up!' So- sometimes I get angry with my negative voice!

Thanks, this is great advice.

Limerance has been a huge problem for me recently. I'm 41, neet, avpd, ugly, deformed & Marfan guy, but I met a beautiful & kind lady randomly whilst going to the shops, back in July. She was randomly very kind to me, hugged me 3 times and kissed me on the cheek. It was the first time a woman has ever been friendly and kind to me in my life.

Safe to say, I have thought about her everyday since, and it has not been good for my mental health. I think it's the same as all my problems, fixating on the results - having a gf, a job or purpose, distance from my negative thoughts. When the answer is being relaxed and aware of the present moment, and doing the process, and letting go of the outcomes/results.