N
nicali845
Member
- Sep 11, 2023
- 19
just wondering what other ppls experiences have been like...
Yopppp.just wondering what other ppls experiences have been like...
i know u feel mateYeah. Reached out to suicide hotlines, my psychiatrist and therapist. If I remember correctly, I attempted the same or next day.
i get this so much. i love my friends of course but it just feels like they really dont get it. i dont think blame them though. i hardly understand my emotions most of the time, so i wouldnt really expect anyone else too. but it just gets so lonely sometimes (all the time)The only people who actively made it worse were friends. I know they meant well, but they just couldn't wrap their heads around the depths of what I felt, and my circumstances, and how sometimes I can't even put my finger on it or why.
I adore the very, very, few that I do let past my wall, but I joined HERE because I gave up on talking to them about my feelings towards my ideations and how little pleasure life really feels like it has to offer me any longer.
All I would get is "No, you can't do that." (telling me I can't pisses me off)
"No, You can't think that way" (Yeah, well I do ALL THE TIME, nearly every day, so?)
"How can I help you?" (when if I knew I would have done it myself by now)
"What about everyone else?" (as if that one isn't easily answered... the world keeps turning....)
Some days I feel alright. Today is actually the first one in a long while. Most days I spend wishing I didn't exist. I saw my psychiatrist a few hours ago, actually, and I told him as much straight forwardly... That it's hard to want to wake up and exist. I'm upping my meds to attempt to help, but they're a crutch. I've tried so many that it's laughable and my brain certainly isn't what it used to be.
This psychiatrist was the first since I was 13 to actually treat me like a human being, though, and I believe that is another small part of why I am still here. I can tell him enough that he knows how serious my mental state is, and he doesn't immediately want to throw me into a psyche-ward like my friends would likely do if they had the chance. There aren't many like that, but I feel if I'm taking the time to go, I will always be blunt and honest with him, and I have for 7 years now.
If I had found an expert in the field like him sooner, who knows what I would have been like today.
I just know it's rare to not be treated like a number, but sometimes you can get lucky. It doesn't always mean you will feel any less pain, though.
i know exactly how u feel xi get this so much. i love my friends of course but it just feels like they really dont get it. i dont think blame them though. i hardly understand my emotions most of the time, so i wouldnt really expect anyone else too. but it just gets so lonely sometimes (all the time)
i also hate when people r like "what about everyone who loves you?" because it just kind feels like guilt tripping. and im such a people pleaser so half the time i only feel like im living for other people and not myself.
I've never gotten professional help but every time I reach out to a friend they abandon me. Literally. I've been ghosted like, twice and the third time the girl just asked me to stop talking about it because she developed a heart condition and can't get stressed out.just wondering what other ppls experiences have been like...