Has anyone else tried convincing a loved one to kill them and how did it go?

[spooky_kxtty]

My top fantasy of how I'd wanna die is being killed by someone I love, preferably a partner. To be killed in a beautiful forest, to have them hold me in a bed of white rose petals just to slash my throat and let my blood drip onto the petals coloring them red. I'd love it if the last thing I saw was the eyes of someone I care for; it'd bring me so much peace and would be perfect.

I've had this fantasy for about a year now and everyone who knows about it thinks I'm crazy and wants nothing to do with killing me. I begged so much for it I made my best friend cry and seeing the effect it has on them I no longer try to convince them and very rarely talk about it anymore. Knowing how much it'd hurt them I can't ask them anymore but I can still silently dream.

 

[SilentSadness]

That sounds strange to me, anyway we can't get a peaceful ctb. Personally I would never ask someone to kill me if they didn't want to because it would be traumatising for them. There is no need to add on to the eons of suffering we experience already.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

That sounds strange to me, anyway we can't get a peaceful ctb. Personally I would never ask someone to kill me if they didn't want to because it would be traumatising for them. There is no need to add on to the eons of suffering we experience already.

Yah looking back it was probably a selfish thing to do to try and convince them; I was just so desperate to die. The shallow water blackout method sounds pretty peaceful but hard to do and when I do eventually CTB, I can just feel that it's not gonna peaceful as I had searched for.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I haven't experienced that but I have experienced wanting to be sexually assaulted by my partner. I think it's because I want to be desired so much by someone else that they take what they want from me at all costs. Maybe your feeling is something related?

 

[Disaster]

It's okay to have unusual fantasies, but never ok to pressure people to turn them into reality. I understand and hope this community values consent. Trying to pressure someone to turn your fantasies into reality, especially ones that could cause mental health problems, like posttraumatic stress, and legal problems, like BEING GODDAMN INCARCERATED FOR THE REST OF ONES LIFE FOR MANSLAUGHTER OR MURDER, is quite an opposite of consent. I also doubt that anyone who truly loves someone would actually ask the loved one to destroy own life for the sake of fantasy like that.
Damn, when joining this place I was pretty much all for "strictly pro-choice, no gatekeeping" approach. But more and more I read, the more I think this topic needs some gatekeeping. Unfortunately the ones doing the gatekeeping could be as biased as the ones wanting to ctb, so we're screwed as a species.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

I haven't experienced that but I have experienced wanting to be sexually assaulted by my partner. I think it's because I want to be desired so much by someone else that they take what they want from me at all costs. Maybe your feeling is something related?

Possibly; I'm sort of in the same boat, I want to be raped by my partner and wouldn't even mind if they fucked my dead body once I died as messed up as that sounds. It just sounds nice being with someone who actually cares when I pass.

 

[Mimi_]

Hopefully, you will create bonds with someone who is willing to give you the death you want.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it hard to take threads like this seriously. You do know that this is a pro choice forum to discuss suicide as being a personal decision that can only be made by the individual. I just don't really think that murder and assault fantasises are appropriate for this site honestly, especially as the second is why a lot of people want to die. This thread is just insensitive.

 

[Disaster]

Possibly; I'm sort of in the same boat, I want to be raped by my partner and wouldn't even mind if they fucked my dead body once I died as messed up as that sounds. It just sounds nice being with someone who actually cares when I pass.

Do you care about the future of said partner after your death? I get it, people have weird fantasies sometimes, but trying to talk someone into that absolutely crosses the line. Do YOU care about your partner?

 

[AllMyDreams]

Possibly; I'm sort of in the same boat, I want to be raped by my partner and wouldn't even mind if they fucked my dead body once I died as messed up as that sounds. It just sounds nice being with someone who actually cares when I pass.

Well that's a little different to me but similar enough. At least you're not alone feeling like this, and at least you don't seem to want to hurt others (if you do want to hurt others, seek help ASAP).

For me this feeling is worst when I have low self-esteem, because I convince myself that I'm only good for sex etc., and it's my place to basically serve a man. So maybe working on self-esteem issues and developing self-love (instead of relying on others for love) would be something to look at for you.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

It's okay to have unusual fantasies, but never ok to pressure people to turn them into reality. I understand and hope this community values consent. Trying to pressure someone to turn your fantasies into reality, especially ones that could cause mental health problems, like posttraumatic stress, and legal problems, like BEING GODDAMN INCARCERATED FOR THE REST OF ONES LIFE FOR MANSLAUGHTER OR MURDER, is quite an opposite of consent. I also doubt that anyone who truly loves someone would actually ask the loved one to destroy own life for the sake of fantasy like that.
Damn, when joining this place I was pretty much all for "strictly pro-choice, no gatekeeping" approach. But more and more I read, the more I think this topic needs some gatekeeping. Unfortunately the ones doing the gatekeeping could be as biased as the ones wanting to ctb, so we're screwed as a species.

I agree with this; it was a selfish thing to do looking back at it and hence why I haven't mentioned it to them since seeing the harm I was causing. I wouldn't necessarily agree I didn't care though, I was just a dumb kid that wanted to die and am glad I learned from my mistakes

I find it hard to take threads like this seriously. You do know that this is a pro choice forum to discuss suicide as being a personal decision that can only be made by the individual. I just don't really think that murder and assault fantasises are appropriate for this site honestly, especially as the second is why a lot of people want to die. This thread is just insensitive.

I can't help but have them. I may have tried to convince someone of the past a long time ago but that was over a year ago and he knows I didn't mean to hurt him and I've shown I've learned from my mistakes. In my fantasy, it's more I see the person wanting to kill me to put me out of my misery, and consent, not that I can actually find that so I leave the fantasy to rest inside my head. If both people consented don't you believe it would just be another way to CTB? Maybe not for everyone but for me it makes sense.

 

[Disaster]

I agree with this; it was a selfish thing to do looking back at it and hence why I haven't mentioned it to them since seeing the harm I was causing. I wouldn't necessarily agree I didn't care though, I was just a dumb kid that wanted to die and am glad I learned from my mistakes

I can't help but have them. I may have tried to convince someone of the past a long time ago but that was over a year ago and he knows I didn't mean to hurt him and I've shown I've learned from my mistakes. In my fantasy, it's more I see the person wanting to kill me to put me out of my misery, and consent, not that I can actually find that so I leave the fantasy to rest inside my head. If both people consented don't you believe it would just be another way to CTB? Maybe not for everyone but for me it makes sense.

If they consented enthusiastically, not after being pressured. And looking for a person who'd consent enthusiastically on their own free will could end up as finding a psycho who wouldn't value your consent or comfort very much.
Some fantasies are only to be enjoyed as fantasies and nothing else.

 

[SexyIncél]

I've had this fantasy for about a year now and everyone who knows about it thinks I'm crazy and wants nothing to do with killing me. I begged so much for it I made my best friend cry and seeing the effect it has on them I no longer try to convince them and very rarely talk about it anymore.

I'm sorry you're surrounded by pathetic NPC friends. I would at least respectfully entertain a friend's request. Certainly not turn crybaby and act aggrieved

(Not to shame crying. Crying's ordinarily healthy)

That said, aesthetic as penetrating your lovely throat might be, there's real world difficulties. It's actually a ridiculously difficult way to die, if people here are to be believed. Not being a psychopath, I should consider my trauma -- watching you choke in horror after the first slash, fuuuuck should I hack rapidly to put you out of your misery? but aaaaa your hand's reflexively grasping your throat, omfg I musn't vomit on your wound

No, I'd have to plan for a while, to deliver the experience my friends deserve

I want to be raped by my partner and wouldn't even mind if they fucked my dead body once I died as messed up as that sounds. It just sounds nice being with someone who actually cares when I pass.

Maybe poison while your partner ravishes you? Almost everyone would have a hard time being aroused by an upcoming corpse, but fingers can work magic while staring sadly into your increasingly unfocused eyes

Especially since spurting DNA into/onto your corpse makes planning more complicated

It would shock the normies, but they regularly pass suffering beggars in the street and grind animal corpses with their teeth; they're just projecting. Obviously one's last moments should be beautiful, if every moment can't be

 

[sorrowful]

not tried convincing, but said i don't mind if they did

 

[Twistedliesinside]

That sounds perfectly blissful. Although that makes me a total masochist and the killer a sadist that never truly loved me or had my best interests in mind. Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you for feeling this way. Just understand that any dynamic like this in the real world may feel amazing, but it's like yin and yang. They must be totally toxic, but their poison will always feel absolutely euphoric, even though you are in danger if you find this person. I don't expect most people to comprehend, but I still miss the poison even though I poured it out.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

A very close friend of mine has said repeatedly he'd rather kill me than me kill myself.
I'm not really sure how to feel about it, I still think I'd rather die the way I want to, but I wouldn't exactly stop him.
I do appreciate the sentiment, though. He said "I'd want be the one to end your suffering." which I understand, and I think is kind of him and less selfish of me.
I also don't want him to have to sit in prison for decades for it even if he doesn't care himself.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

A very close friend of mine has said repeatedly he'd rather kill me than me kill myself.
I'm not really sure how to feel about it, I still think I'd rather die the way I want to, but I wouldn't exactly stop him.
I do appreciate the sentiment, though. He said "I'd want be the one to end your suffering." which I understand, and I think is kind of him and less selfish of me.
I also don't want him to have to sit in prison for decades for it even if he doesn't care himself.

From your perspective it's kindness if you're an empathetic person. Could he possibly desire this from empathy alone? I think it would be rare for a person to kill another out of mercy alone unless there was a deep love involved or it was all a lie.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

think it would be rare for a person to kill another out of mercy alone unless there was a deep love involved or it was all a lie.

I agree it's rare, but I do have a very good reason to trust this guy, he's probably the only man I actually would trust with my life, sometimes even my boyfriend scares me.
He's definitely a bit of an odd person, and we maybe have a pretty weird friendship, but I am entirely confident he's being truthful with me.

I don't think it's entirely out of empathy, though I do think it's mostly empathetic; I think it's more fully like... He wants to be the one to see me in my final moments. I think it scares him the thought of me disappearing on him (which I wouldn't do, I'd say goodbye at least,) and it is comforting if he feels more in control of the situation.
I'm not really sure how I can explain it, but I don't see any sinister or malicious intent behind his desire to kill me; it's not like he wants to just straight up murder me he just would rather I let him kill me when I decide I want my life to end, so he wouldn't violate my consent on that and I do have reason to believe him there.
I have trust issues with men in general but, he's different somehow I am able to trust him.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

I agree it's rare, but I do have a very good reason to trust this guy, he's probably the only man I actually would trust with my life, sometimes even my boyfriend scares me.
He's definitely a bit of an odd person, and we maybe have a pretty weird friendship, but I am entirely confident he's being truthful with me.

I don't think it's entirely out of empathy, though I do think it's mostly empathetic; I think it's more fully like... He wants to be the one to see me in my final moments. I think it scares him the thought of me disappearing on him (which I wouldn't do, I'd say goodbye at least,) and it is comforting if he feels more in control of the situation.
I'm not really sure how I can explain it, but I don't see any sinister or malicious intent behind his desire to kill me; it's not like he wants to just straight up murder me he just would rather I let him kill me when I decide I want my life to end, so he wouldn't violate my consent on that and I do have reason to believe him there.
I have trust issues with men in general but, he's different somehow I am able to trust him.

That's really fascinating. Sounds like you have a very deep, unique connection. From what I can feel through your message, I actually believe his intentions are positive, even if it's a bit selfish because it's both about what's best for him as well as you.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

I'm sorry you're surrounded by pathetic NPC friends. I would at least respectfully entertain a friend's request. Certainly not turn crybaby and act aggrieved

(Not to shame crying. Crying's ordinarily healthy)

That said, aesthetic as penetrating your lovely throat might be, there's real world difficulties. It's actually a ridiculously difficult way to die, if people here are to be believed. Not being a psychopath, I should consider my trauma -- watching you choke in horror after the first slash, fuuuuck should I hack rapidly to put you out of your misery? but aaaaa your hand's reflexively grasping your throat, omfg I musn't vomit on your wound

No, I'd have to plan for a while, to deliver the experience my friends deserve


Maybe poison while your partner ravishes you? Almost everyone would have a hard time being aroused by an upcoming corpse, but fingers can work magic while staring sadly into your increasingly unfocused eyes

Especially since spurting DNA into/onto your corpse makes planning more complicated

It would shock the normies, but they regularly pass suffering beggars in the street and grind animal corpses with their teeth; they're just projecting. Obviously one's last moments should be beautiful, if every moment can't be

I feel like you understand my way of thinking when it comes to this. Others who don't understand think of it as purely selfish but if the other person who you love kills you to end your suffering I believe it could be seen as something beautiful. Others have tried to understand and have asked to kill me but it never felt right; it wouldn't be peaceful since I have no true connection and bond with them.

 

[LittleJem]

I've asked three exes to strangle me and when I had money offered to pay. I don't think I expected them too and wouldn't have wanted them in trouble, but wanted to ask. On my mind all the time.

One did say he'd accompany me to Dignitas, but unfortunately Dignitas said no to me.

I personally wish I could help people suffering to CTB. The law stops me and also that same bind of not wanting to upset their families, while knowing how much we suffer.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

just to slash my throat and let my blood drip

Well I hope your partner is handy with a knife or else it could lead to a lot of pain. Unless you're into that of course.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

That's really fascinating. Sounds like you have a very deep, unique connection. From what I can feel through your message, I actually believe his intentions are positive, even if it's a bit selfish because it's both about what's best for him as well as you.

Yeah I do think you're right about our connection, I can't really think of any comparison as to what our friendship is like, it really does seem unique to him alone. I don't know what reason that is, but the result it the same.

I remember expression concern at him ending up being arrested for it, but he said that it would be worth it to him, I was confused why he'd want to let me out of my suffering but condemn himself to a full lifetime of incarceration for a victimless murder, but I think I understand why he thinks that now; he feels guilty that he couldn't save me in life... I think in his mind, he views that he should be punished for "failing" to help me build a life worth living and accepting that my death is the only option.
I don't agree with that myself, I don't think he failed me in any way at all, and I still don't want him to end up suffering a life sentence of meaningless endurance, but if I had to guess why he personally thinks that, I'd think that's the reason.
It's a bit upsetting that I make him feel this way... I don't want to leave him with suffering; but ultimately, regardless of how I die he will suffer because of the grief I have imposed on him.

If I kill myself, he will suffer; if he kills me, he will suffer... He respects my right to choose but I hate knowing that I will inevitably leave him with more pain than he has right now when I do die, and he really doesn't deserve that...

As an aside... It honestly makes me feel so evil, what I would do to the people I love by terminating my existence...
How can I say I love someone and then do that to them? I really struggle with the personal guilt aspect of it, especially recently... I know that logically I won't be around to feel that guilt much longer so it shouldn't matter anyway, but it does matter to me right now while I'm still alive yknow. It always has been an immensely hard thing to get past for me, but I know I can get past it since I've attempted before.
Anyway, whatever, I suppose it's not relevant but, right now I'm trying something different and trying one last time to rebuild or remake my life. I have no clue if I will manage it this time out of the other god knows how many times I've tried, but it's just basically inevitable I will die of suicide or assisted suicide (i.e. letting him kill me) at this point I think.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Yeah I do think you're right about our connection, I can't really think of any comparison as to what our friendship is like, it really does seem unique to him alone. I don't know what reason that is, but the result it the same.

I remember expression concern at him ending up being arrested for it, but he said that it would be worth it to him, I was confused why he'd want to let me out of my suffering but condemn himself to a full lifetime of incarceration for a victimless murder, but I think I understand why he thinks that now; he feels guilty that he couldn't save me in life... I think in his mind, he views that he should be punished for "failing" to help me build a life worth living and accepting that my death is the only option.
I don't agree with that myself, I don't think he failed me in any way at all, and I still don't want him to end up suffering a life sentence of meaningless endurance, but if I had to guess why he personally thinks that, I'd think that's the reason.
It's a bit upsetting that I make him feel this way... I don't want to leave him with suffering; but ultimately, regardless of how I die he will suffer because of the grief I have imposed on him.

If I kill myself, he will suffer; if he kills me, he will suffer... He respects my right to choose but I hate knowing that I will inevitably leave him with more pain than he has right now when I do die, and he really doesn't deserve that...

As an aside... It honestly makes me feel so evil, what I would do to the people I love by terminating my existence...
How can I say I love someone and then do that to them? I really struggle with the personal guilt aspect of it, especially recently... I know that logically I won't be around to feel that guilt much longer so it shouldn't matter anyway, but it does matter to me right now while I'm still alive yknow. It always has been an immensely hard thing to get past for me, but I know I can get past it since I've attempted before.
Anyway, whatever, I suppose it's not relevant but, right now I'm trying something different and trying one last time to rebuild or remake my life. I have no clue if I will manage it this time out of the other god knows how many times I've tried, but it's just basically inevitable I will die of suicide or assisted suicide (i.e. letting him kill me) at this point I think.

Neither of you can control your connection. I think it's a beautiful thing, regardless of any pain that comes from being honest about reality. Good luck finding a new way to live in life. I hope your connection with him can help you want to keep going. It seems like he has such deep empathy for you that life for him would be better if he could just help in any way, even if that meant life in prison. I don't think he values his own life enough. He might only want to live for you. You're the most important thing in his life. Maybe he hasn't brought it up so as not to upset you, but I wonder if he never considered prison because he would plan his own death after yours. Does it seem like he wants anything for himself in life independently of you? More than a friendship, it's as if your souls are connected. I'm sure he fears losing that connection more than anything else.

 

[AsAboveSoBelow]

My top fantasy of how I'd wanna die is being killed by someone I love, preferably a partner. To be killed in a beautiful forest, to have them hold me in a bed of white rose petals just to slash my throat and let my blood drip onto the petals coloring them red. I'd love it if the last thing I saw was the eyes of someone I care for; it'd bring me so much peace and would be perfect.

I've had this fantasy for about a year now and everyone who knows about it thinks I'm crazy and wants nothing to do with killing me. I begged so much for it I made my best friend cry and seeing the effect it has on them I no longer try to convince them and very rarely talk about it anymore. Knowing how much it'd hurt them I can't ask them anymore but I can still silently dream.

NO.

1. It would have been traumatizing and illegal for them in most countries' jurisdictions' (in some countries, suicide or having attempted suicide have been decriminalized; but assisting suicide would very much get your loved one into trouble).

IMHO, we can be "selfish" about wanting to end our lives; but we don't have the right to involve anyone else who would then suffer ramifications; legally and/or psychologically in the aftermath.

2. This should be an autonomous decision and action by our own selves, when we have exhausted all means. To inflict the pain of planning and suffering on anyone else as a result of our actions, other than to ourselves is completely unacceptable, in any case.

 

[Goukan「強姦」]

My top fantasy of how I'd wanna die is being killed by someone I love, preferably a partner. To be killed in a beautiful forest, to have them hold me in a bed of white rose petals just to slash my throat and let my blood drip onto the petals coloring them red. I'd love it if the last thing I saw was the eyes of someone I care for; it'd bring me so much peace and would be perfect.

I've had this fantasy for about a year now and everyone who knows about it thinks I'm crazy and wants nothing to do with killing me. I begged so much for it I made my best friend cry and seeing the effect it has on them I no longer try to convince them and very rarely talk about it anymore. Knowing how much it'd hurt them I can't ask them anymore but I can still silently dr

Like you said in the start of the text, it's all fantasy. Even if personally, meeting someone who is able to bring the worst in me, I could do it for them as a double suicide. The idea of giving my half such a unique and romantique death sound so beautiful. Only in theory. What if SI kick in? Then what?

Suicide isn't really that beautiful. It's boring at best and grotesque at worst. It's the result of pushing a humans capacity, it won't end up like a beautiful theater piece. Your family will probably grow to hate your dear love for allowing such twisted fantasy to come to life. News outlets will twist the story and paint your relationship as something that isn't real for fame and money.

Writting about it tho might appease the sick fantasy in your end. Writting in details the event and how it would feel. People who aren't "sick" like we don't want to hear these type of things and pushing it onto then will juste make them leave.

Also 1 year isn't much to have a fantasy, it might pass. I had fucked up thoughts since I'm a kid because of OCD and its been hard to not think I should believe them or bring them to life.

 

[sheepgirl]

It's never crossed my mind to involve someone in my own death that way. I wouldn't want to traumatise or bring legal consequences to them. I have however wished I could be euthanised with either a friend or family member with me but that's quite different.

 

[Touhou]

That's illegal.

 

[downndone2]

I've thought about trying to piss someone off to the point of doing it. I know one person who might do it. But it hasn't presented itself yet

 

[spooky_kxtty]

That's illegal.

Yah so is ctb