Has anyone else never felt like they were part of a group?

[sserafim]

.

Personally, I've never felt like I was part of a group. I've never felt connected to people or a group. I went somewhere last summer (a Buddhist mountain) and we had to wake up at like 4-5 am for a morning study/class in the temple, and I didn't go because I was super tired. I still had jetlag but I wanted to go though, my brain (conscious?) and subconscious were telling me to go, but my body was so tired that I couldn't get up. I don't understand why my dad got mad at me for not going. I didn't know that people would pay attention to my absence or care about it. I don't think that I've ever felt a sense of solidarity with other people.

 

[lqpbxeuh]

Here. But I'm introverted and quiet by nature, so it doesn't phase me very much. But I can feel getting more disconnected from the people around me.

 

[sserafim]

Here. But I'm introverted and quiet by nature, so it doesn't phase me very much. But I can feel getting more disconnected from the people around me.

I'm introverted and quiet by nature as well. I've never felt connected to the people around me though, I've always felt disconnected from them.

 

[saltedslug]

Yes. I'm not sure what exactly it is about me that is so irritating, but everyone else has always been able to sniff it out.

 

[DarkRange55]

.

Personally, I've never felt like I was part of a group. I've never felt connected to people or a group. I went somewhere last summer (a Buddhist mountain) and we had to wake up like 3-4 am for a morning study in the temple, and I didn't go because I was super tired (I think I still had jetlag). I don't understand why my dad got mad at me for not going. I didn't know that people would pay attention to my absence or care about it.

I'm sure that this will piss off Mr. Pluto as I am quoting TJ Kirk, but I think this is very helpful.

Paraphrasing:

"Although I can appreciate energy, I cannot feel it myself. I can chant and pump my fists but I don't feel it. I'm not a joiner. I'm not part of a collective. I don't feel the euphoria being associated with part of the mob. I don't surrender unwittingly to its whims or its wills. I cannot get lost in the throes of its jubilations. This is why I think I am not a man of God. Because God is really just the feeling that a group of people get when they stand together united a set of values or principles. My inability to feel this particular emotion is why I don't care about the Pledge of Allegiance or the Lords prayer or the national anthem. I intellectually understand that I exist in a web of interdependence with my fellow Man. But I don't truly understand it. I don't comprehend it on an emotional or visceral level."

- TJ Kirk

 

[dragonofenvy]

The only group I've belonged to were the loners who have no group to belong to. I guess it's comforting knowing that others don't belong too.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

Me, I always was really bad at connecting with people and my circles on school were usually the brigands no one else wanted tbh. Even online I wonder how you all do it.

However, I don't give a shit. I am made of steel and I don't see major effects. I socialize sometimes for psychology because, let's be real, everyone needs some contact, whoever thinks they can hole themself and be fine has no understanding of what they are talking about, but I do fairly well.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Its funny, when i was a kid my school photo actually had me basically standing at the far right noticeably on my own compared to everyone else who was glued to eachother.

Everyone had the uniform but i had a white polo on, i think about how it basically predicted the future all those years ago.

I never had a tribe, a group, or anyone.

 

[Life_and_Death]

me. cant/dont fit/belong anywhere... its tiring trying to..

 

[sserafim]

Its funny, when i was a kid my school photo actually had me basically standing at the far right noticeably on my own compared to everyone else who was glued to eachother.

Everyone had the uniform but i had a white polo on, i think about how it basically predicted the future all those years ago.

I never had a tribe, a group, or anyone.

In my senior year class photo, I was sitting on the far right, at the edge, and I (my face) was obscured by other people. I think that this is a pretty accurate metaphor for my life. I've never had a tribe, group or anyone either. I've always felt a fundamental sense of disconnect from other people.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

In my senior year class photo, I was sitting on the far right, at the edge, and my face was obscured by other people. I think that this is a pretty accurate metaphor for my life. I've never had a tribe, group or anyone either. I've always felt a fundamental sense of disconnect from other people.

Are you me? Lol

Yea it's so weird when you look back and realise you were a ghost all along.

My yearbook thing or whatever the fuck it was just had a black silhouette with my name under it, i was the only one basically missing.

I wasted so many years there. for nothing..

 

[sserafim]

Are you me? Lol

Yea it's so weird when you look back and realise you were a ghost all along.

My yearbook thing or whatever the fuck it was just had a black silhouette with my name under it, i was the only one basically missing.

I wasted so many years there. for nothing..

Lol maybe I am you I heard a theory that everyone is you pushed out. Idk how true that is though. Unfortunately, I was forced to take senior photos and to be included in the yearbook (the teacher who ran the yearbook forced the whole grade to take senior photos, and she was the photographer), but I didn't want to be in it. I wanted to leave my section blank, and to be forgotten like a ghost. I think that I leaned out of events during my senior year though, I didn't participate in senior prank, go to the day where we all skipped school to go to a park, go to prom or afterprom, or get my yearbook signed. I remember I watched everyone else sign each others', but I didn't get mine signed because I just wanted to leave that place lol. I purposely wanted it to be left blank. I think that that's also a metaphor for my life. I feel more like an observer rather than a participant in life.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Lol maybe I am you I heard a theory that everyone is you pushed out. Idk how true that is though. Unfortunately, I was forced to take senior photos and to be included in the yearbook (the teacher who ran the yearbook forced the whole grade to take senior photos, and she was the photographer), but I didn't want to be in it. I wanted to leave my section blank, and to be forgotten like a ghost. I think that I leaned out of events during my senior year though, I didn't participate in senior prank, go to the day where we all skipped school to go to a park, go to prom, or get my yearbook signed. I remember I watched everyone else sign each others', but I didn't get mine signed because I just wanted to leave that place lol. I purposely wanted it to be left blank. I think that that's also a metaphor for my life too. I feel more like an observer rather than a participant in life.

Well based on what you've just said i had exactly the same time at HS as you did, i "Missed out" on all of those.

It was so weird seeing others actively participating in things even if they looked dull or not so, i just watched or walked away.

How did teachers treat you?

 

[sserafim]

Well based on what you've just said i had exactly the same time at HS as you did, i "Missed out" on all of those.

It was so weird seeing others actively participating in things even if they looked dull or not so, i just watched or walked away.

How did teachers treat you?

I think they liked me? I don't know though. I was pretty quiet and shy, and I don't think that people paid much attention to me. I think that they just thought I was nice and quiet. I asked my crush what his first impression of me was and he said "idk, quiet and unassuming?" I kind of faded into the background, I was just "there". I was voted as the nicest person in the grade though once, I don't even know why or how that even happened. I didn't even know/think that people paid attention to me or even know who I was. I think that I was kind of like a wallflower lol.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I think they liked me? I don't know though. I was quiet and I don't think people paid much attention to me. I kind of faded into the background. I was voted as the nicest person in the grade though once, I don't even know why. I didn't even know that people paid attention to me or knew who I was. I think that I was kind of like a wallflower lol.

Well that seems alright, i think most teachers like the quiet ones that don't cause bother and just work away tbh.

For me i never had huge issues, i could tell some teachers saw me lesser than the rest even though i did my work to the best i could.

My mind was never able to focus on it with constant suicidal thoughts, id come in with bags under my eyes, fingers noticeably missing huge chunks of skin. Had the 10 mile look.

Yet didn't seem to matter when they'd roar at me for something minor

 

[Meteora]

I was always seemingly integrated but honestly, I was just a folllower. I had no opinion, no boundaries, was chronically dissociated.
It was a high price and real support I haven't felt, either.
Maybe it would ve been a matter of communiction, if you told him you re too tired your father would ve maybe understood.

 

[sserafim]

Well that seems alright, i think most teachers like the quiet ones that don't cause bother and just work away tbh.

For me i never had huge issues, i could tell some teachers saw me lesser than the rest even though i did my work to the best i could.

My mind was never able to focus on it with constant suicidal thoughts, id come in with bags under my eyes, fingers noticeably missing huge chunks of skin. Had the 10 mile look.

Yet didn't seem to matter when they'd roar at me for something minor

Sorry to hear that. I think I had the girl next door look (even though I was part of the nerds lol). I think that I was one of the favorite student of some teachers, but honestly I don't really know how other people think about me. My friend said that my style was elegant and refined, I guess it was pretty classy and sophisticated? I honestly think that I was like a NPC in high school haha.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Sorry to hear that. I think I had the girl next door look (even though I was part of the nerds lol). I think that I was one of the favorite student of some teachers, but honestly I don't really know how other people think about me. My friend said that my style was elegant and refined, I guess it was pretty classy and sophisticated? I honestly think that I was like a NPC in high school haha.

Ah don't worry about it Mary Jane

Man i wish i had that look growing up it'd probably make life easier honestly, I'm pretty envious of girls with long hair cause I'd have used it as a curtain lol

Nope i had very short brown hair instead, doesn't go with eye bags

 

[Pluto]

I'm sure that this will piss off Mr. Pluto as I am quoting TJ Kirk, but I think this is very helpful.

Paraphrasing:

"Although I can appreciate energy, I cannot feel it myself. I can chant and pump my fists but I don't feel it. I'm not a joiner. I'm not part of a collective. I don't feel the euphoria being associated with part of the mob. I don't surrender unwittingly to its whims or its wills. I cannot get lost in the throes of its jubilations. This is why I think I am not a man of God. Because God is really just the feeling that a group of people get when they stand together united a set of values or principles. My inability to feel this particular emotion is why I don't care about the Pledge of Allegiance or the Lords prayer or the national anthem. I intellectually understand that I exist in a web of interdependence with my fellow Man. But I don't truly understand it. I don't comprehend it on an emotional or visceral level."

- TJ Kirk

I agree with him. I can almost never get into any sort of group activity, as I'd always stand out as the one who doesn't feel involved. Be it football, nationalism or religion. I would make an exception for Ramana Maharshi except for the small problem of him dying back in 1950.

I remember watching an Amazing Atheist video called something like "Everybody hates me syndrome", where he detailed his past abuse history and his struggle with social anxiety. I find it relatable, but it also probably means that if I had been socialised and/or loved as a child, I might not have wound up with this incompatibility with my fellow man. Also provides some background context behind his own viewpoints which go beyond merely being predicated upon rational cognition.

Also worth noting that atheistic societies like North Korea simply turn the Dear Leader of the day into a deity. Or in the West, there is the whole celebrity worship phenomenon. There's no evading human nature.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

My family moved around a lot when I was younger, so I always felt like I was on the peripheral of things. I think this carried on into my adult life.

 

[DarkRange55]

I agree with him. I can almost never get into any sort of group activity, as I'd always stand out as the one who doesn't feel involved. Be it football, nationalism or religion. I would make an exception for Ramana Maharshi except for the small problem of him dying back in 1950.

I remember watching an Amazing Atheist video called something like "Everybody hates me syndrome", where he detailed his past abuse history and his struggle with social anxiety. I find it relatable, but it also probably means that if I had been socialised and/or loved as a child, I might not have wound up with this incompatibility with my fellow man. Also provides some background context behind his own viewpoints which go beyond merely being predicated upon rational cognition.

Also worth noting that atheistic societies like North Korea simply turn the Dear Leader of the day into a deity. Or in the West, there is the whole celebrity worship phenomenon. There's no evading human nature.

Exactly. There definitely are replacements for religion like communism or fascism. Worship of the state or an individual in a non-religious sense.

 

[passivethought121]

Often. Every group connected to my identity has rejected me at some point. People of my race, my sex, my sexuality, my age, my family. If not outright rejection, then a subtle exclusion through having values that don't align with mine and keeping me out of conversation due to it. Even now, with my 'friends', I feel like a spectator as I watch people be closer to each other than they ever would to me.

 

[Bouquet]

Yeah, I've always had trouble relating to people and I find it hard to build strong relationships with people, I always tend to stay away, I've never really felt connected to someone.

 

[Roseate]

.

Personally, I've never felt like I was part of a group. I've never felt connected to people or a group. I went somewhere last summer (a Buddhist mountain) and we had to wake up at like 4-5 am for a morning study/class in the temple, and I didn't go because I was super tired. I still had jetlag but I wanted to go though, my brain (conscious?) and subconscious were telling me to go, but my body was so tired that I couldn't get up. I don't understand why my dad got mad at me for not going. I didn't know that people would pay attention to my absence or care about it. I don't think that I've ever felt a sense of solidarity with other people.

Yes. I've never felt like I belong. It always felt like I was just around to hold the spot for someone else.

 

[Final_Choice]

Yes, I've always had trouble connecting with people and forming genuine relationships, let alone truly feel part of a group. I basically just decided to embrace my invisibilty and live as as a sort of watcher, seeing people and being close enough that I could potentially interact with them, but knowing that it'll never work I just blended into the background. Until I met my current small group of friends in college, they do make me feel part of the group and I truly love them, hopefully I can minimize the damage CTBing would cause them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I expect your Dad was pissed off because he likely paid quite a bit for that trip. Parents also like to see us making an effort in life and acting 'normally' = socially. When we don't, it probably scares them that we'll never make an effort with anything and ultimately, we'll be reliant on them forever. That's the impression I get with my parents anyhow. On the one hand, it's probably for our own good. They want us to develop into well adjusted adults. On the other though, I think it's partly a selfish motivation- they don't want to have to be (financially) responsible for us. Reluctance to join groups/ huge social anxiety may well mean we'll either not want to find a job or, struggle to hold one down. I may be wrong there of course.

In terms of belonging though. It's kind of rare that I've felt like I do belong but, it has happened when I've been around other creative people- at college and uni for example. Not always consistently though. The trouble with feeling like you belong is it can hurt all the more if you get left out from something. I think having a common interest with the people you are around helps.

It's one of those weird things though where I'm not convinced it's always about the effort and openess you put in. If other people in that group aren't welcoming. Even if you are just very different people with very different strong opinions, you're not going to feel like you want to be around them so much!

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

No, never. I have no idea what that would even feel like.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't think I was ever in a group. For me, it isn't about feeling lonely and disconnected from a group. For me, it literally was never having a group at all

 

[Slow_Farewell]

yeah but it was really by design.
i've never wanted to be photographed and i took pains to make sure that by the time the photographer clicked the button in group photos I was always obscured.
Of course, this could just be me being deluded i have control over this things, but i'm okay in my delusion about it not being my choice to be in a group.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes. That's what happens when you're autistic.