Has anyone else lost a child to suicide?

[Lost1804]

I see a lot of threads on here about leaving a note.
I lost my 35 yr old daughter. No note, but I know why.

I belong to a group, with 3,000 members, all bereaved parents of suicide children. The pain is tremendous for a lot of us.
Many got notes, which has helped a lot of parents, though obviously not all. But most got no note, and are left in total despair about why? Why didn't s/he talk about it? Why didn't s/he tell me? Why did s/he do it?
Some can eventually accept it was what their child wanted, but it takes a long time.

But so many of us feel we are now living the life of their dead child. The terrific unbearable pain, anguish, despair, depression, it's torture, the fight to get through each day, wanting it all to stop, desperately wanting to die.

Having other children prevents many from joining their child, but that doesn't make it any easier for many. Trying to remain sane enough to cope with other kids is a battle. It does help some to get through though.

But for a lot of us, there's nothing to keep us here, and having to endure so much pain for years is just unbearable. We don't just get over it, move on. I've talked to a lot of parents, still in screaming pain, still crying, years down the line. We're all stuck in that shattering horrendous day, and no amount of therapy or pills or anything else can erase that horrific moment when we knew s/he'd gone.

Life is over for many of us when we lose our child. Time doesn't heal such a gaping wound. Nothing can, except our child walking through the door, which won't happen.

Many of us end up with no friends or family. Because they don't know how to deal with such huge deep prolonged crippling grief. So they drift away.

Many parents suicide as well. The pain is too much. That applies to me. I have legal and domestic stuff to sort out first. I can't live with her loss, even though I know why she did it. But if I'd been there for her that night, she'd still be here today. My guilt, my burden.

I know a lady who's daughter had it all so well planned. Left notes for everyone, left notes what to do with all her belongings... All sorted. She'd been under mental health. She'd told them for 2 yrs she was going to do it, even told them the date. Mental health said nothing to her parents "patient confidentiality" Her mum went on to have a total breakdown, was ill for 8 months. Not because of what her daughter did, but because of what mental health didn't do.... She came through that, and accepted her daughter's decision. Now (3 years on) she's great. Still misses her daughter, but accepts it.

I'm not trying to stop anyone wanting to leave. But please, anyone planning to leave, please, just think for a little bit on the impact on those who love you. Don't go without letting them know why, and that it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Help them understand, help them through it. Specially if they need to carry on for other dependant family members.
Write that note....

 

[Steve Vermont]

Well, here's something you need to know: outside of some few horrific case, it was not about you. Never was. Isn't now.

Not trying to be cold here, but I think about how my parents and loved ones would feel if and when I kill myself. And my feeling on the matter is... meh. It is not that they aren't important: they are. I will do every thing to not leave a mess for them. But when my head gets going... look to me, folks like you seem to have your shit wrapped in a nice, tight, little ball. You'll get over it, eventually, and your life will probably be easier in the long run because people like me aren't here.

So if you want to feel bad, go ahead. That is natural. But your child would almost certainly want you to feel happy and if they feel anything at all, it's just sadness that the can't be like you. They probably really wished they could've and wouldn't want you to wreck their life over them. They just reached a point where they couldn't handle it any more.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I can't tell you how much my heart breaks for you and so many others that you talk to that have lost their children. I am a mother. My entire life is basically my children. They are my world. I have an incurable painful disease that has disabled me and made me unable to really care for my children - a heartbreaking hell I never imagined existed. I find myself in a position where I have to leave my children, which is an incomprehensible concept that brings me so much pain - you know the type. Not explainable and simply too much. I can't imagine losing your child. I can tell you that there is pain that transcends all earthly guilt. I would give everything I know and have to stay here. The destruction I will leave behind is beyond horrifying to me. Every minute of every day is consumed thinking about the pain, loss, horror, agony and lifetime of all of these things that I can't change.

And yet. Even as a mother, even feeling all of the feelings you are feeling and knowing what I will do to my small children, I still must go. It is a choiceless choice.

I am so sorry for you. I want you to know that your child was likely backed into a similar corner. The last thing they want is for you to live in this pain. They would give anything to take that away from you.

I am close with my aunt. Her 20-something year old son shot himself, dead. Of course, she has been dead inside ever since.

I am so, so sorry for your pain.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I see a lot of threads on here about leaving a note.
I lost my 35 yr old daughter. No note, but I know why.

I belong to a group, with 3,000 members, all bereaved parents of suicide children. The pain is tremendous for a lot of us.
Many got notes, which has helped a lot of parents, though obviously not all. But most got no note, and are left in total despair about why? Why didn't s/he talk about it? Why didn't s/he tell me? Why did s/he do it?
Some can eventually accept it was what their child wanted, but it takes a long time.

But so many of us feel we are now living the life of their dead child. The terrific unbearable pain, anguish, despair, depression, it's torture, the fight to get through each day, wanting it all to stop, desperately wanting to die.

Having other children prevents many from joining their child, but that doesn't make it any easier for many. Trying to remain sane enough to cope with other kids is a battle. It does help some to get through though.

But for a lot of us, there's nothing to keep us here, and having to endure so much pain for years is just unbearable. We don't just get over it, move on. I've talked to a lot of parents, still in screaming pain, still crying, years down the line. We're all stuck in that shattering horrendous day, and no amount of therapy or pills or anything else can erase that horrific moment when we knew s/he'd gone.

Life is over for many of us when we lose our child. Time doesn't heal such a gaping wound. Nothing can, except our child walking through the door, which won't happen.

Many of us end up with no friends or family. Because they don't know how to deal with such huge deep prolonged crippling grief. So they drift away.

Many parents suicide as well. The pain is too much. That applies to me. I have legal and domestic stuff to sort out first. I can't live with her loss, even though I know why she did it. But if I'd been there for her that night, she'd still be here today. My guilt, my burden.

I know a lady who's daughter had it all so well planned. Left notes for everyone, left notes what to do with all her belongings... All sorted. She'd been under mental health. She'd told them for 2 yrs she was going to do it, even told them the date. Mental health said nothing to her parents "patient confidentiality" Her mum went on to have a total breakdown, was ill for 8 months. Not because of what her daughter did, but because of what mental health didn't do.... She came through that, and accepted her daughter's decision. Now (3 years on) she's great. Still misses her daughter, but accepts it.

I'm not trying to stop anyone wanting to leave. But please, anyone planning to leave, please, just think for a little bit on the impact on those who love you. Don't go without letting them know why, and that it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Help them understand, help them through it. Specially if they need to carry on for other dependant family members.
Write that note....

I appreciate you writing this and am sorry for the pain of you and your child. I know my parents would collapse if I were to CTB, and that's why I haven't done it yet. I go back and forth but always end up feeling obliged to stick around out of loyalty and empathy for them. I guess I want to share with you my internal mental battle. The devil on my shoulder says:

• There's nothing in the world I want
• I hate my life and every foreseeable permutation thereof
• My whole internal experience has been pain, secrecy, obsession, loneliness, dissatisfaction, denial, angst, self-criticism, doubt, fear, regret, and jealousy for as long as I can remember. My parents cannot share in my burden, or even lessen it by a shade
• I feel like a schmuck just sticking around for my parents under these circumstances. Isn't it enough that I've given them 25 years already? How many more decades to I have to suffer through to please them and shield them from pain?
• They chose to a have a child. I would never have a child in this hell hole, and their decision to do so makes me feel somewhat better about CTB

I have been in therapy for going on six years now and have tried two different meds and am continuing with one. I work full time and am actively involved in social groups outside of work. I don't do any drugs except occasional drinking. I need either major life change (which was extremely difficult to produce before the virus), or to be freed from this obligation of life... and I know which of the two I'd prefer.

 

[Blutsager]

My friend,

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge, and congratulate your strength, and bravery. Strength, for holding on, for continuing, pushing forward, with such a burden on you, such a scar, a wound that must hurt so much. Bravery, for coming here, to leave us such an important message, after all that has happened to you... and your daughter.
I am furthermore sorry, to see you here as well. I presume it may be for you intend to take that same path. I am not sad for you taking such path, for if it is your willing, if it your decision, your choice, so be it, but am sad for the fact that those who make this decision do so because the pain of living has become unbearable. And it is the thought that you have such pain that fills me with sadness. You don't deserve it... I guess none of us, deserves any suffering.
Perhaps lastly, I would like to thank you. For delivering to us such wise words. So few times heard here, the words, the testimony of those who are still with us... of those who were left behind. I never imagined one would come into this place, not at least without any other purpose than to curse at us, to blame us for what happened, to wish us harm and eternal damnation. But no, you came here to grant us your wisdom, to give us a great lesson. It is sadly a very scary endeavor to make such notes, to be discovered, to be stopped, in what we desire to be our last hour, but... perhaps as much as you have found the courage to continue on, to keep on living, and to come here, we too shall find the courage, to fulfill your desire... to have a note.


Whether your time may draw close by your hand, or you may live for decades to come, the day will come when your soul may depart this world of injustice, and you will meet with her again. You will both, enjoy the pleasures of the afterlife, together.


I once again wanna say that I am in awe of your strength, I am amazed of your courage, I am sad for your pain, I am thankful for your wise message, and above all else...
I am sorry for your loss.

 

[faust]

Hello,
There is no need to blame yourself that your daughter killed herself. Being a person whose one foot is already in the grave, I could say that in certain cases desire to die can be stronger than anything else. Our will or willpower can be limitless and we may become unstoppable. We may do everything to survive, to be free and to die.
Concerning our final notes, I agree with you. Even those who murdered a lot of people before their death can have their final word. It is like putting a dot in the last chapter of the novel. Notes make everything clearer and allow us to tell what we truly want to tell. Nothing matters anymore so we can be frank, we can be ourselves and instead of leaving everybody in ignorance, leaving questions for the rest of their lives, we can provide answers.
I am sorry you had such a loss in your life, however, there is a truth we can't deny. if we love, we will accept and let go. That's beneath any understanding and there is something sacramental. And one more thing. Maybe she wanted you to live a better life, find a light which she could not find herself. And probably it is not too late for something to be changed...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So much to respond to here.

Most importantly, just because you weren't there for your daughter that night doesn't mean she would still be here. If she was determined to end her life, she would have waited for another opportunity. You've been a member for quite awhile and, based on your OP, you've read a lot of comments, and there are countless members who wait for the right opportunity to act on their choice. Your daughter's action was not something you could control or own or prevent except, most likely, temporarily. You may struggle to find peace with that, you may struggle with not having had any control. I'm not you, I don't know what you experience. Perhaps you're not yet ready for the freedom of allowing her that autonomy, perhaps you need to cling for awhile to a sense of control. Perhaps it's nothing I can imagine, so please forgive me, I'm not trying to analyze you or tell you how you feel. I speak from a place of caring, and wishing freedom and healing for you, even as I know that your wishes are paramount, not mine, and there are things you may want and even need to cling to for awhile. That's human.

I had a boyfriend commit suicide in high school. He left no note. It was a shock to everyone who knew him. I know from that experience that people seek a reason, something to blame, sometimes even something irrational (I won't say in that case, it's too graphic), and they fixate on it. Perhaps you have decided why your daughter committed suicide because you need the certainty of a reason, or perhaps you really do know. It is so difficult without an explanation, and I am so sorry you were not given one.

You may or may not have read posts I've written struggling to not write to my parents. I have deep compassion for them even as I am hurt by them. In spite of our estrangement, and in spite of abusive actions over my life, they love me in their own way. But who they love is more their idea of me than the real me, and I cannot change that, though I spent decades trying. They will not be utterly surprised by my suicide if I make that choice, but they will hurt in unimaginable ways. Again, I have deep compassion for that, and no control over how they manage it.

There is also the reality that they have filters that alter what I speak. They do not hear my intentions or my heart. If I write to them, it will not matter what I say, they will interpret it through their own filters. If I don't write to them, they will come to conclusions over which I have no more control than the conclusions they will reach if I do write to them. They will have to deal with the fact that they shunned me and lied to the world that we still have a relationship, but they will also have to deal with the fact that when I was in need of protection and they had the power to help, they turned me away and said there was nothing they could do, all because I refused to continue to allow them to abuse and control me. Their way is to beat themselves up for things that had no impact, and overlook the things that did. They are not to blame for my choice, but they will naturally absolve themselves anyway.

What I am trying to say here is that I feel sadness and compassion for you, as well as the other parents you mentioned. But you and they are not my parents, and you and they are not representative of the parents of many SS members, though perhaps some. While your heart cries out to us as a mother whose child committed suicide, we are not your child, and we do not all have parents like you. Some parents are like mine and cannot be made to feel better, and it's co-dependence for me to take that on. Some parents are narcissists and the child does not exist outside of how their parents inaccurately define them. Some parents are willfully cruel and shouldn't have ever been parents at all. I honor the members who have experienced such parenting and choose to not attempt to communicate about their suicides. They have the right to protect such intimate things.

I compassionately feel that your plea is for members to write to their parents because you are putting yourself in the place of those parents and feeling the pain anew when a member decides to not write. But you are not those parents. And the members are not your daughter. I truly understand that it's difficult to separate oneself from others' situations, I both struggle with it and try to remain conscious of falling into such traps, and sometimes I fail. But I gently and lovingly caution that your pain is not ours to own as children contemplating suicide, and your daughter's actions are not ours. I also compassionately recognize that your words here may motivate someone to make a choice to leave a note, and I have no argument with that. As I said, I've been through it, I know the extremely long-term confusion and pain. But in my case, I choose to not share my reasons with anyone, period, because they are personal, and it is none of my parents' business; they consciously removed themselves from the right to know anything about my life, or my death. Along with the pain of my potential death, they will have to deal with the consequences of their actions. I cannot in good conscience protect and think of those who did not protect and think of me. Consequences suck. And pease do not take that on, I am not talking about you, just as your eloquent OP was not about me.

I hope this comment makes sense. This is a complex and touchy subject with many nuances -- you, your daughter, other parents who have lost a child to suicide, the not knowing, my own unique situation, and the unique situations of the members of this community. I care very much about your pain and am touched, but I also own my own situation and it is very different from yours. I hope this didn't offend, and I hope you heard my heart. I recognize I may not have interpreted it totally correctly, but please know that I heard your heart, and I feel for you.

 

[itsamadworld]

My step-mom and my dad lost their 34 yo grandson to a heroine overdose. The reasoning was first, his girlfriend OD'd on heroin and died, then 3 months later, his mother died of pneumonia. He moved into my s-mom's and dad's home, and three weeks after his mother died, he died by suicide...My step-mom only had one child who died, and only one grandchild who died within the space of 3 weeks, she lost her entire legacy. She has my dad, and their religion and kinda in denial about the suicide, is what my sister told me..

I haven't spoke to my parents in a long time and they live far away. I have other siblings, so if I kill myself, i don't think they will really care. IN my family, we don't speak much.....I was the last born of three, the second girl, the spare tire, the throw away child.....I think their purpose for putting me here was just in case my sister or brother died..I was basically just here to suffer, and I felt very unloved and neglected growing up....Then Everything was education, education and there was a lot of physical violence if I didn't comply....The anxiety of having mental illness, and how modern medicine tortured me with their medical procedures from the fevers that cooked my brain. My older siblings would torment me when i was sick, my parents allowed it......Modern medicine forced me to stay alive...if I was born in another era, maybe, I could have died in my childhood innocence. I would Let my mother feel the pain, like women used too, because she thinks i can just snap out of it or go to the useless mental hell-th system.... Maybe all this meddling with nature is what is causing so many people to be miserable. It's all about quantity of people, not quality....Why should I continue to live like this?.....I will never have children myself. Because I cannot justify putting them here especially having mental illness....this life is hell for some people. And everyone's suffering is different...I would leave a letter, but I wouldn't want to die with anger at my parents....I don't think i would tell them everything...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

"Remember nobody asked to be born so everyone has the right to die" and also remember people don´t want to commit suicide it´s the only way to escape the suffering, I don´t know what your daughter struggled with but for most of us we TRULY suffer every day e.g me from physical and mental problems that can´t be cured and I have suffered for so many years I bet you wouldn´t want you daughter to suffer either and I am assuming she had been for a long time.

If she or any of us were being physically tortured every day for years or even decades I am sure you wouldn´t want us to suffer and have us find peace right? It´s the same even if her problem or you friends children "only" suffered from depression they truly SUFFER and when life is nothing but suffering why go on when things clearly are not getting better and only worse.

And to why they didn´t tell any of you is because you are clearly pro-lifers and would do anything in your power to prevent your childrens suicide i.e. prevent them from ending their pain.There is a reason we don´t tell family or friends (those who have friends) because they will rat us out because they don´t wanna lose us.

Sorry there really was no nice way to put it other than the cold hard truth but your thread was very insightful and the exact reason I have postphoned killing myself for the last almost 2 years because I don´t want to ruin my parents lives but again I never asked to be born so I have every right to die even though I feel I am held emotionally captive by the love I have for my amazing parents.

 

[AcornUnderground]

"Remember nobody asked to be born so everyone has the right to die" and also remember people don´t want to commit suicide it´s the only way to escape the suffering, I don´t know what your daughter struggled with but for most of us we TRULY suffer every day e.g me from physical and mental problems that can´t be cured and I have suffered for so many years I bet you wouldn´t want you daughter to suffer either and I am assuming she had been for a long time.

If she or any of us were being physically tortured every day for years or even decades I am sure you wouldn´t want us to suffer and have us find peace right? It´s the same even if her problem or you friends children "only" suffered from depression they truly SUFFER and when life is nothing but suffering why go on when things clearly are not getting better and only worse.

And to why they didn´t tell any of you is because you are clearly pro-lifers and would do anything in your power to prevent your childrens suicide i.e. prevent them from ending their pain.There is a reason we don´t tell family or friends (those who have friends) because they will rat us out because they don´t wanna lose us.

Sorry there really was no nice way to put it other than the cold hard truth but your thread was very insightful and the exact reason I have postphoned killing myself for the last almost 2 years because I don´t want to ruin my parents lives but again I never asked to be born so I have every right to die even though I feel I am held emotionally captive by the love I have for my amazing parents.

Choiceless choices. Hard for anyone healthy to understand.

 

[Lost1804]

I can't tell you how much my heart breaks for you and so many others that you talk to that have lost their children. I am a mother. My entire life is basically my children. They are my world. I have an incurable painful disease that has disabled me and made me unable to really care for my children - a heartbreaking hell I never imagined existed. I find myself in a position where I have to leave my children, which is an incomprehensible concept that brings me so much pain - you know the type. Not explainable and simply too much. I can't imagine losing your child. I can tell you that there is pain that transcends all earthly guilt. I would give everything I know and have to stay here. The destruction I will leave behind is beyond horrifying to me. Every minute of every day is consumed thinking about the pain, loss, horror, agony and lifetime of all of these things that I can't change.

And yet. Even as a mother, even feeling all of the feelings you are feeling and knowing what I will do to my small children, I still must go. It is a choiceless choice.

I am so sorry for you. I want you to know that your child was likely backed into a similar corner. The last thing they want is for you to live in this pain. They would give anything to take that away from you.

I am close with my aunt. Her 20-something year old son shot himself, dead. Of course, she has been dead inside ever since.

I am so, so sorry for your pain.

I am so very sorry for the plight you have. What an horrendous situation to find yourself in life can be so cruel.
My daughter had a serious stroke, 7 months before her suicide. The damage and change in her was too much for her. She left a little girl behind... I've always told my granddaughter that her mum we knew before the stroke would never have done this to her. The person who did it was the stroke victim. She's now turned 14 and appears to accept that it wasn't her mum who did it, it was the ill mum.
Perhaps that is the sort of explanation you could use?

I know someone who was in a bad car crash. She's wheelchair bound most of the time. But she says every single movement is agony. Only heavy doses of morphine helps, but no good when she has her 2 children to care for. She wants to put an end to it too. She's going to hang on as long as possible for her children to grow a little older. I sometimes wonder which is best? Older or younger?

But what an impossible situation to find yourself in. My heart goes out to you...

My children are all grown up, left home, and lead their own lives. And at my age, people die. I've out lived my mum. But I was closest to my daughter I lost. Even with other family, I'm very isolated. Grief is like that. Nobody can begin to understand the pain, unless they've lost a child that way.
In fact, one of my kids said "never mind mum, once you get the funeral and inquest over with, you'll be able to get your life back"...... ?

You and me are both suffering tremendously, for different reasons, but still so painful. And can't carry it ..... To heavy a burden.
I had no choice in my situation, you had no choice in yours. Backed into a corner, yes. You are very brave. I hope you know that? Xxx

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Choiceless choices. Hard for anyone healthy to understand.

The worst part I can´t even say I didn´t wish to be born since my childhood was basically heaven on Earth but again if I have to go on like this for the rest of my existence does the good really outweight the bad? 11 years of paradise on earth or I could stretch it to 13 and then the next maybe 60+ years of suffering with no friends or hobbies because of apathy, that doesn´t sound like a fair trade.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I am so very sorry for the plight you have. What an horrendous situation to find yourself in life can be so cruel.
My daughter had a serious stroke, 7 months before her suicide. The damage and change in her was too much for her. She left a little girl behind... I've always told my granddaughter that her mum we knew before the stroke would never have done this to her. The person who did it was the stroke victim. She's now turned 14 and appears to accept that it wasn't her mum who did it, it was the ill mum.
Perhaps that is the sort of explanation you could use?

I know someone who was in a bad car crash. She's wheelchair bound most of the time. But she says every single movement is agony. Only heavy doses of morphine helps, but no good when she has her 2 children to care for. She wants to put an end to it too. She's going to hang on as long as possible for her children to grow a little older. I sometimes wonder which is best? Older or younger?

But what an impossible situation to find yourself in. My heart goes out to you...

My children are all grown up, left home, and lead their own lives. And at my age, people die. I've out lived my mum. But I was closest to my daughter I lost. Even with other family, I'm very isolated. Grief is like that. Nobody can begin to understand the pain, unless they've lost a child that way.
In fact, one of my kids said "never mind mum, once you get the funeral and inquest over with, you'll be able to get your life back"...... ?

You and me are both suffering tremendously, for different reasons, but still so painful. And can't carry it ..... To heavy a burden.
I had no choice in my situation, you had no choice in yours. Backed into a corner, yes. You are very brave. I hope you know that? Xxx

Thank you. You have an understanding of this particular type that many don't. I know that nothing that I say can help your pain, but it helps to understand. I just hope that I can shed some light on how much your daughter wished she could spare you your pain. I spoke only of my children and leaving them and the pain about that; my mother passed away 2 years ago. If not, I'd have many more paragraphs to write. Leaving her would be just as painful as leaving my children.
I will be thinking of you, and your daughter, and you're granddaughter. Losses that are too much and there are no explanations as to why the world can be so cruel. Life that was good...and then this. I really hope there is reason beyond this pain.♥

 

[K-O]

NO ONE CAN MEASURE PAIN..
I AM BEING BULLIED AND TORTURED BY MY LOST LOVES MOTHER AND CANT BRING MY SELF TO TEL HER THE 'COLD TRUTH' OF HIS CHOICE, ACTIONS, MENTALITY, ETC.. BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH SYMPATHY TOWARDS HER AND ALL I WANTED TO DO IS HUG HER AND INSTINCTIVELY FELT THAT WE SHARED THIS BOND AND SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD TRULY UNDERSTAND THIS HORRIFIC WORLD SHATTERING UNFATHOMABLE PAIN .. I LOST MY BABY AS WELL.
SHE BANNED ME FROM HIS FUNERAL
LABELLED ME A MURDERER
CAMPAIGNING AGAINST ME, MISINTERPRETING OUR INTIMATE EXCHANGES ON HIS PHONE ETC..
SHE JUST CHOSE THE DARK SIDE.
HE DECIDED TO LET GO IN OUR BED CUDDLED UP WITH ME ASLEEP.. I WOKE UP AND DIED TOO..WE DIED TOGETHER..
I CAN HATE HIM FOR KILLING ME.. LIKE SHE HATES ME.. ANY ONE CAN DO THE EASY THING.
I KNOW HE JUST WANTED TO FEEL SAFE LOVED AND EXCEPTED IN HIS LAST MOMENTS THAT'S WHY HE 'SELFISHLY' CHOSE ME,
WE BOTH DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE OUR SELVES IN A CONVENTIONAL 'HEALTHY' WAY.. WE BOTH UNDERSTOOD THESE FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS AND THAT'S WHY WE WERE SOUL MATES LOVERS FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN A WAY THAT A BLOOD FAMILY CAN NOT.
SHE IS TORTURING A GHOST.. BUT APPARENTLY EVEN GHOSTS HAVE FEELING.. AND EVEN GHOSTS CAN COMMIT SUICIDE.
BREAK THE CHAIN! CHOSE LOVE! DON'T PARTICIPATE IN THE BLAME GAME..
DE-NILE!- IS NOT ONLY A RIVER IN EGYPT..
I WISH U ALL ONLY PEACE
X

 

[bpdandme]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you seem like a very loving and caring parent. For me, my parents have seen me self-harm from the ages of 11-18, have panic attacks, hospitalised for suicide and been on different anti-depressants and they do not take my mental health seriously. They have made jokes about it. They have dismissed it which I believe has lead to my BPD due to my invalidated childhood. For me, my parents will be the cause of my CBT for traumatising me as a child and completely invalidating me, not getting me help when I was obviously struggling.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm sorry for your loss :( that's one thing that's holding me back from ctb at the moment (leaving my parents and siblings behind)

 

[Painpleasure]

I see a lot of threads on here about leaving a note.
I lost my 35 yr old daughter. No note, but I know why.

I belong to a group, with 3,000 members, all bereaved parents of suicide children. The pain is tremendous for a lot of us.
Many got notes, which has helped a lot of parents, though obviously not all. But most got no note, and are left in total despair about why? Why didn't s/he talk about it? Why didn't s/he tell me? Why did s/he do it?
Some can eventually accept it was what their child wanted, but it takes a long time.

But so many of us feel we are now living the life of their dead child. The terrific unbearable pain, anguish, despair, depression, it's torture, the fight to get through each day, wanting it all to stop, desperately wanting to die.

Having other children prevents many from joining their child, but that doesn't make it any easier for many. Trying to remain sane enough to cope with other kids is a battle. It does help some to get through though.

But for a lot of us, there's nothing to keep us here, and having to endure so much pain for years is just unbearable. We don't just get over it, move on. I've talked to a lot of parents, still in screaming pain, still crying, years down the line. We're all stuck in that shattering horrendous day, and no amount of therapy or pills or anything else can erase that horrific moment when we knew s/he'd gone.

Life is over for many of us when we lose our child. Time doesn't heal such a gaping wound. Nothing can, except our child walking through the door, which won't happen.

Many of us end up with no friends or family. Because they don't know how to deal with such huge deep prolonged crippling grief. So they drift away.

Many parents suicide as well. The pain is too much. That applies to me. I have legal and domestic stuff to sort out first. I can't live with her loss, even though I know why she did it. But if I'd been there for her that night, she'd still be here today. My guilt, my burden.

I know a lady who's daughter had it all so well planned. Left notes for everyone, left notes what to do with all her belongings... All sorted. She'd been under mental health. She'd told them for 2 yrs she was going to do it, even told them the date. Mental health said nothing to her parents "patient confidentiality" Her mum went on to have a total breakdown, was ill for 8 months. Not because of what her daughter did, but because of what mental health didn't do.... She came through that, and accepted her daughter's decision. Now (3 years on) she's great. Still misses her daughter, but accepts it.

I'm not trying to stop anyone wanting to leave. But please, anyone planning to leave, please, just think for a little bit on the impact on those who love you. Don't go without letting them know why, and that it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Help them understand, help them through it. Specially if they need to carry on for other dependant family members.
Write that note....

Your daughter is better off dead where she cannot suffer the brutality of this world.

If you were genuinely concerned about her suffering you would not have subjected to this vile, sick and cruel world.

Have some mercy for your unborn children and do not bring unnecessary life into this world moving forward.

I have sympathy only for your daughter. May she, and only she, find peace and the rest she deserves.

This is the time to reflect on your life and the true consequences of your actions. Every sincere man, women and child must be accountable for their actions and the resultant consequences, regardless of how difficult this may be to digest.

Note: This post does not constitute guilt tripping. I am genuinely discussing the reality of the life and death which we must be aware of. I expect a progressive and liberal forum such as Sanctioned Suicide to be understanding of this and to not employ any censoring much like the rest of the internet. What point is there to a suicide forum if we cannot discuss the nature of life and death in frank and honest terms?!

 

[darkhorse256]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm choosing not to CTB now because I don't want to hurt my bf and to some extent, my mom. She used to be a great mom and sometimes, she still is. She just lacks empathy sometimes and is prone to violent rages. But despite that, I know she loves me and I'd feel bad if I chose to CTB.

 

[rasputin]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have children so I simply cannot begin to understand what it feels like from your end of things. I can imagine though. Thank you for sharing your perspective with us.

Making a thought out plan to CTB and defying the odds of SI kicking in is no small feat. And it takes a lot of planning, grappling with fear, fighting survival instinct, and feeling pain/grief about our own death. For most of us, it took years, even decades to get to the point where we'd even consider suicide. For myself, I used to falsely believe the lie that "there's always a reason to live". I hadn't suffered enough at that point. I had no idea how what it felt like to descend into the depths of hell physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

I guess what I'm getting at is that suicide usually feels impossible to understand or come to peace with until you're on this end of things. Until you've had your very soul ripped out. Now that I'm standing on this edge, I'm actually at peace with other people's suicides. I'm able to understand them in a way I never used to be able to. My absolute closest friend (surrogate dad) is going to leave the earth this way (I don't know when but I know it'll be in the next few years as his lung condition is deteriorating). I feel nothing but peace for him. Complete empathy and understanding. I know I'll probably live on for far more years than he will. And I'll lose a support system. And I'll lose my closest friend. He's the only father I've ever really known. He stuck by me when everyone else in my life villified me, gaslit me, abused me, and slandered me.

That thought of him committing suicide would have destroyed me years ago. Now I am totally at peace and even happy for him. I enjoyed years of friendship and love. And I can't hang on to him for selfish reasons now that I know the agony it takes to be on this side of the issue.

I'm sorry you've had to endure the pain that makes you understand suicide on a personal level. I can relate. I hope it brings you a measure of peace, though, now knowing how your daughter felt and not wanting her to suffer unbearably for the rest of her life. If you had been there with her that night she most likely would have committed the act on a different night. You are in no way responsible nor should you feel guilty, but I know you must suffer unbearably regardless.

What helps me is that we all die, millions of people die prematurely every year from disease, violence, starvation, getting hit by cars, fires, etc. At least in the case of suicide that person was able to control their own death, and had some measure of choice. I think it's a better way to die than most. Knowing that our loved ones had a small sense of dignity before their end. And I believe it's every single person's right to make that choice, even if it hurts beyond belief to lose them.

Having your kids die is unbearably horrible and I know many parents who feel just like you do when their kid dies of cancer or violence. It seems to be a universal issue regardless of suicide.

I am so sorry for all you've lost, and I hope you find some measure of peace if not in this world, then the next.

 

[bpdandme]

Your daughter is better off dead where she cannot suffer the brutality of this world.

If you were genuinely concerned about her suffering you would not have subjected to this vile, sick and cruel world.

Have some mercy for your unborn children and do not bring unnecessary life into this world moving forward.

I have sympathy only for your daughter. May she, and only she, find peace and the rest she deserves.

This is the time to reflect on your life and the true consequences of your actions. Every sincere man, women and child must be accountable for their actions and the resultant consequences, regardless of how difficult this may be to digest.

Note: This post does not constitute guilt tripping. I am genuinely discussing the reality of the life and death which we must be aware of. I expect a progressive and liberal forum such as Sanctioned Suicide to be understanding of this and to not employ any censoring much like the rest of the internet. What point is there to a suicide forum if we cannot discuss the nature of life and death in frank and honest terms?!

I know you're just trying to be honest here but I don't think this is helpful to the OP at all. As someone who didn't experience suicidal thought how would she know that her daughter would end up having them? Her suicide wasn't due to her upbringing but a romantic relationship.

I just think this a hurtful comment which truly doesn't gain anything but hurt OP. If you didn't experience suicidal thought you would not consider this when having a child. I don't think it would hurt to be sympathetic towards OP in this situation, she hasn't done anything wrong and lost a child. I'm sure she is feeling enough guilt and there is no need to rub salt in the wounds.

Also, what if someone got pregnant on accident? Didn't have access to an abortion? You can't just blame them for bringing life in the world and you don't know the context. Not everyone who is born suffers or commits suicide.

 

[MaybeSoon]

Not everyone who is born suffers or commits suicide.

Exactly.

 

[K-O]

I know you're just trying to be honest here but I don't think this is helpful to the OP at all. As someone who didn't experience suicidal thought how would she know that her daughter would end up having them? Her suicide wasn't due to her upbringing but a romantic relationship.

I just think this a hurtful comment which truly doesn't gain anything but hurt OP. If you didn't experience suicidal thought you would not consider this when having a child. I don't think it would hurt to be sympathetic towards OP in this situation, she hasn't done anything wrong and lost a child. I'm sure she is feeling enough guilt and there is no need to rub salt in the wounds.

Also, what if someone got pregnant on accident? Didn't have access to an abortion? You can't just blame them for bringing life in the world and you don't know the context. Not everyone who is born suffers or commits suicide.

I THINK THAT ALL WE (SUICIDAL CHILDREN) ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS IS THAT "THE NOTE" IS US- OUR LIVES! U NEED TO LEARN HOW TO READ IT, ITS COMPLEX VERY DELICATE AND UNIQUE..
I DON'T AGREE WITH @Painpleasure 'S COMMENT BEING UNHELPFUL AND HURTFUL AT ALL. IT IS ESSENTIAL TRUE AND HONEST- AGAIN NOT TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED OR DISMISSED! BUT NEEDS TO BE READ AND APPROACHED WITH THE OPEN MINDEDNESS THAT ALL CHILDREN DESERVE.
I HAVE UNDERSTANDING FOR BOTH SIDES.
MY MOTHER (PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC ETC..)TERRORIZED ME ALL THROUGHOUT MY LIFE BUT- I DON'T BLAME HER.. WE ARE WHO WE ARE AND EVERYONE HAS A STORY, A REASON..
WITH THAT SAID- I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE I WILL NOT TAKE THAT CHANCE OF HURTING AN INNOCENT PRECIOUS BEING KNOWING I AM UNSTABLE AND MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE WHO I NEEDED MY "NEGLIGENT" PARENTS TO BE.
ALL WE ARE SAYING I THINK IS- WE ARE NOT OUR PARENTS PROPERTY OR EXTENSION!
THE "REASONS" AND ANSWERS- ("NOTES") MOST PEOPLE ALLAYS SEEK FOR CAN VERY MUCH BE TOO EASILY READ AND FRANKY PROBABLY ARE VERY FAR FROM ONES OWN "TRUTH"..
PEOPLE- BE A LITTLE MORE KIND TO US WHEN YOU READ OUR "THOUGHTS FEELING AND REPLIES".. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.. I MEAN ISN'T THIS PLACE EXACTLY FOR THIS?..
DO NOT DISMISS PAIN EVEN WHEN IT COMES IN A SEEMINGLY "AGGRESSIVE" MANNER.. ITS VERY DANGEROUS.. AND OBVIOUSLY MUST BE UNDERSTOOD NOT AS AN INSULT..
..THE NEVER ENDING PARENTING OF PARENTS...
PEACE OUT
X

 

[SanJunipero1]

I see a lot of threads on here about leaving a note.
I lost my 35 yr old daughter. No note, but I know why.

I belong to a group, with 3,000 members, all bereaved parents of suicide children. The pain is tremendous for a lot of us.
Many got notes, which has helped a lot of parents, though obviously not all. But most got no note, and are left in total despair about why? Why didn't s/he talk about it? Why didn't s/he tell me? Why did s/he do it?
Some can eventually accept it was what their child wanted, but it takes a long time.

But so many of us feel we are now living the life of their dead child. The terrific unbearable pain, anguish, despair, depression, it's torture, the fight to get through each day, wanting it all to stop, desperately wanting to die.

Having other children prevents many from joining their child, but that doesn't make it any easier for many. Trying to remain sane enough to cope with other kids is a battle. It does help some to get through though.

But for a lot of us, there's nothing to keep us here, and having to endure so much pain for years is just unbearable. We don't just get over it, move on. I've talked to a lot of parents, still in screaming pain, still crying, years down the line. We're all stuck in that shattering horrendous day, and no amount of therapy or pills or anything else can erase that horrific moment when we knew s/he'd gone.

Life is over for many of us when we lose our child. Time doesn't heal such a gaping wound. Nothing can, except our child walking through the door, which won't happen.

Many of us end up with no friends or family. Because they don't know how to deal with such huge deep prolonged crippling grief. So they drift away.

Many parents suicide as well. The pain is too much. That applies to me. I have legal and domestic stuff to sort out first. I can't live with her loss, even though I know why she did it. But if I'd been there for her that night, she'd still be here today. My guilt, my burden.

I know a lady who's daughter had it all so well planned. Left notes for everyone, left notes what to do with all her belongings... All sorted. She'd been under mental health. She'd told them for 2 yrs she was going to do it, even told them the date. Mental health said nothing to her parents "patient confidentiality" Her mum went on to have a total breakdown, was ill for 8 months. Not because of what her daughter did, but because of what mental health didn't do.... She came through that, and accepted her daughter's decision. Now (3 years on) she's great. Still misses her daughter, but accepts it.

I'm not trying to stop anyone wanting to leave. But please, anyone planning to leave, please, just think for a little bit on the impact on those who love you. Don't go without letting them know why, and that it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Help them understand, help them through it. Specially if they need to carry on for other dependant family members.
Write that note....

I've not lost a child but lost a fiancé so can empathize with your world imploding. I'm struggling with wanting to join him. This site has been a huge comfort in validating both his and my feelings.

Whilst I understand all too well about the impulse to want to tell suicidal people to consider the loved ones left behind, I find that, having now experienced it for myself, to the suicidal person, it comes across not as saying that people love you but that your pain is less valid than theirs and I think that's part of the problem in how we talk about suicide.

Your point about explaining before leaving however I could not agree with more. Once I understand the levels of anguish my love was in, I no longer felt any anger to him leaving, despair for me but gratitude that his suffering is over.

Sending you bereaved by suicide warrior strength.

 

[bpdandme]

I THINK THAT ALL WE (SUICIDAL CHILDREN) ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS IS THAT "THE NOTE" IS US- OUR LIVES! U NEED TO LEARN HOW TO READ IT, ITS COMPLEX VERY DELICATE AND UNIQUE..
I DON'T AGREE WITH @Painpleasure 'S COMMENT BEING UNHELPFUL AND HURTFUL AT ALL. IT IS ESSENTIAL TRUE AND HONEST- AGAIN NOT TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED OR DISMISSED! BUT NEEDS TO BE READ AND APPROACHED WITH THE OPEN MINDEDNESS THAT ALL CHILDREN DESERVE.
I HAVE UNDERSTANDING FOR BOTH SIDES.
MY MOTHER (PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC ETC..)TERRORIZED ME ALL THROUGHOUT MY LIFE BUT- I DON'T BLAME HER.. WE ARE WHO WE ARE AND EVERYONE HAS A STORY, A REASON..
WITH THAT SAID- I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE I WILL NOT TAKE THAT CHANCE OF HURTING AN INNOCENT PRECIOUS BEING KNOWING I AM UNSTABLE AND MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE WHO I NEEDED MY "NEGLIGENT" PARENTS TO BE.
ALL WE ARE SAYING I THINK IS- WE ARE NOT OUR PARENTS PROPERTY OR EXTENSION!
THE "REASONS" AND ANSWERS- ("NOTES") MOST PEOPLE ALLAYS SEEK FOR CAN VERY MUCH BE TOO EASILY READ AND FRANKY PROBABLY ARE VERY FAR FROM ONES OWN "TRUTH"..
PEOPLE- BE A LITTLE MORE KIND TO US WHEN YOU READ OUR "THOUGHTS FEELING AND REPLIES".. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.. I MEAN ISN'T THIS PLACE EXACTLY FOR THIS?..
DO NOT DISMISS PAIN EVEN WHEN IT COMES IN A SEEMINGLY "AGGRESSIVE" MANNER.. ITS VERY DANGEROUS.. AND OBVIOUSLY MUST BE UNDERSTOOD NOT AS AN INSULT..
..THE NEVER ENDING PARENTING OF PARENTS...
PEACE OUT
X

Blaming OP for bringing her child into the world is completely hurtful. Her daughter cannot speak for herself, you are not needed to speak for her. OP was venting and is being attacked for giving birth? That is ridiculous, do you not think it hurts a mother enough by losing a child. This "honesty" is not complex or unique, I have a degree in English Literature and Linguistics obviously I can read, you can't just say something and claim it as the "truth" when it's completely subjective. You do not know OP or her daughter, but you're speaking for her daughter from YOUR perspective. Your saying the comment isn't hurtful from YOUR perspective. You can't just claim your own perspective as fact then claim people can't read when they disagree with a statement.

You, personally, choose not to have children as you have endured suffering which you don't want to inflict upon a child. However, people are in different circumstances. If someone who has not experienced suicidal thoughts falls pregnant and they have a stable environment, I doubt they would ever consider that their child would commit suicide as they aren't in that situation. If someone finds out they are pregnant and it's too late for an abortion or they can't get access to an abortion they can end up having a child. You can't just blame people when there is multiple contexts and unavoidable things happening. Life happens. Someone could get raped and not have access to an abortion, you don't know anyones circumstances so don't judge them.

I am suicidal myself so of course I see both sides. There is no gain in telling OP she is to blame for having birth apart from hurting her and I am sure she has blamed herself enough. I don't understand how you're saying "be a little more kind" but only when it comes to your posts but not OP's post? Hypocritical really. No one is dismissing anyones pain in an aggressive manner, you're the one using all caps.

 

[StuckAF]

you wrote what my mum keeps telling me... "if you do it then you damned the whole family"
Idk what to do...

 

[K-O]

Blaming OP for bringing her child into the world is completely hurtful. Her daughter cannot speak for herself, you are not needed to speak for her. OP was venting and is being attacked for giving birth? That is ridiculous, do you not think it hurts a mother enough by losing a child. This "honesty" is not complex or unique, I have a degree in English Literature and Linguistics obviously I can read, you can't just say something and claim it as the "truth" when it's completely subjective. You do not know OP or her daughter, but you're speaking for her daughter from YOUR perspective. Your saying the comment isn't hurtful from YOUR perspective. You can't just claim your own perspective as fact then claim people can't read when they disagree with a statement.

You, personally, choose not to have children as you have endured suffering which you don't want to inflict upon a child. However, people are in different circumstances. If someone who has not experienced suicidal thoughts falls pregnant and they have a stable environment, I doubt they would ever consider that their child would commit suicide as they aren't in that situation. If someone finds out they are pregnant and it's too late for an abortion or they can't get access to an abortion they can end up having a child. You can't just blame people when there is multiple contexts and unavoidable things happening. Life happens. Someone could get raped and not have access to an abortion, you don't know anyones circumstances so don't judge them.

I am suicidal myself so of course I see both sides. There is no gain in telling OP she is to blame for having birth apart from hurting her and I am sure she has blamed herself enough. I don't understand how you're saying "be a little more kind" but only when it comes to your posts but not OP's post? Hypocritical really. No one is dismissing anyones pain in an aggressive manner, you're the one using all caps.

RIGHT- I NEVER SAID ANYTHING IS A FACT! MS. DR.! AND OBV EVERYTHING ANYONE SAIS IS THEYR OWN POV! DONT KNOW IF U READ MY PREVIUS POST I DO HAVE EXPERIANCE! AND I NEVER BLAMED OR ATTACT ANYONE! U R BEING V DISRESPECTFULL AND AGAIN OBV MISINTERPITAITING MY ANSWER.. ENGLIS ISNT MY MY LAUNGUGE AND I TO HAVE DEGREES BTW! LOL- NOT THAT THESE THING HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANTS HERE... U SHOULD BE MUCH MORE UNDERSTANDING OPEN MINDED THEN YOU ARE. U R BEING VIOLAN. PUTING WORDS IN OUR MOUTHS.. LOL- MY CAPS BUTTON IS JAMMED MAN! AND I DIDNT SAY ANY THING ABOUT NO ONE GETTING ABORTIONS ECT... U R SOOO OVER KILL RIGHT NOW.. FFS..

 

[bpdandme]

Thank you for reading my post with the open mindedness it deserves.

I can admit that at times my approach may be abrasive but my genuine intentions are to convey the facts of the matter without sugar coating anything. We are all adults here, whether grieving or not, and a certain respect and appreciation must be maintained for the truth under all circumstances. Truth and honesty will ultimately encourage healing.

When all is said and done, this woman brought an innocent life into a world in which one can experience unthinkable and unfathomable pain and suffering. Whether she intending to or not doesn't really matter because at the end of the day her daughter tragically ended up dead, ostensibly due to some form of emotional or physical pain.

We must respect that her daughter made the conscious and intentional decision to not partake in a world filled with agony, pain and indifference.

This was HER her decision and must be honoured as such. A rejection (of the world her mother thrust her into) in the most emphatic and unequivocal way possible; suicide. This is not an easy decision as I'm sure any member of this forum can attest to.

May she rest in peace.

Open-mindedness = acceptance, lack of judgement.

This is everything you are not showing to OP but expecting back from users. Saying something with enough confidence or loud enough doesn't make it facts or make you "honest". People confused honesty with being rude. I'm not dishonouring OP's daughters decision to commit suicide, you can't speak for someone when they are no longer her - let her rest.

Rest in peace to OP's daughter, I hope she has found peace. I hope OP finds peace within herself also.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Your daughter is better off dead where she cannot suffer the brutality of this world.

If you were genuinely concerned about her suffering you would not have subjected to this vile, sick and cruel world.

Have some mercy for your unborn children and do not bring unnecessary life into this world moving forward.

I have sympathy only for your daughter. May she, and only she, find peace and the rest she deserves.

This is the time to reflect on your life and the true consequences of your actions. Every sincere man, women and child must be accountable for their actions and the resultant consequences, regardless of how difficult this may be to digest.

Note: This post does not constitute guilt tripping. I am genuinely discussing the reality of the life and death which we must be aware of. I expect a progressive and liberal forum such as Sanctioned Suicide to be understanding of this and to not employ any censoring much like the rest of the internet. What point is there to a suicide forum if we cannot discuss the nature of life and death in frank and honest terms?!

What does this have to to with the OP's actions and taking responsibility for those?

EDIT: Sorry, I just caught up on the whole thing. I am sorry that there are people mentally tortured enough to have the mindset that this world is by design an awful and evil place. It is really unfortunate that there are people that have experienced no joy or happiness, somehow broken from
the beginning, enough to call the world a vile place and place anyone at fault for bringing new life into it.

Sigh. It's sad that there are people that don't understand that for the vast majority of people, this world is a beautiful place and life, even with its bumps, is well worth living.

The OP lost her daughter because her daughter had a stroke and her world became suffering. Too much suffering. Many of us here know what too much suffering feels like; mental or physical.

The world was not intended to provide a place of only suffering and pain. If your life has been nothing but awful, you either got dealt a shitty card and are in the minority of people, or perhaps even you are doing something wrong and aren't handling the world and your life correctly.

One thing is certain: The OP certainly does not have to "take responsibility for her actions". She lost a child. Bringing a child into the world, when done by responsible people with full intentions of loving and raising that child well, are providing the gift of life to another person. Life is unfortunately unpredictable and that, as I've learned, is scary as hell.

I am in a literal living hell right now. It will not end well at all. I will be in pain until I finally die at my own hand, which I have no interest in doing but must because I'm literally bedridden at a very young age with no way to support myself. Never in a million years would it cross my mind to blame my parents for bringing me into this world. Even if I suffered from the moment I was born, I was brought into the world with love. The OP loved her daughter.

I am sorry for those that were never loved by their parents, or had parents that should have never had kids, or even worse: those that had parents that loved them, and they couldn't see it or didn't care. There is nothing worse than being a parent that can't help their child.

 

[K-O]

ALL OF U HERE ARE STIGMATIZING AND TAKING SUCH AN EASY ROAD..
I THING U ALL SHOULD TAKE A MOMENT AND CALMLY RESPECTFULLY READ THREW OUR POSTS FROM BEGINING.. U ARE PING POINTING ONLY SOME THINGS AND IGNORING OTHER IMPORTANT CONTENT!
WICH BTW AGAIN- PORTRATES THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM OF COMMUNICATION.. EASY TYPING AND AS RESULT- CAN PUSH SOME ONE TO A BAD PLACE..
WATCH YOUS STPS.. SALL IM SAING- BOTH SIDES- AND BTW-- ARE THERE EVEN SIDES??
IVE LOST MY PARTNER LOVER!! MY UNCLE! BEST FRIEND! GRANDAD! COUSIN! AND FFS! MORE FRIENDS TO SUICIDE!! AND WAR!! SOW COMPASSION FOR EVERYONE! ALSO AN ANGRY POST! HE DID NOT BLAME HER!! GROW UP! I AM GRIEVING RIGHT NOW! NO ONE IS GLOATING! AGAIN- THE HIGH ROAD PEOPLE-- COMPUTE!
X

 

[bpdandme]

ALL OF U HERE ARE STIGMATIZING AND TAKING SUCH AN EASY ROAD..
I THING U ALL SHOULD TAKE A MOMENT AND CALMLY RESPECTFULLY READ THREW OUR POSTS FROM BEGINING.. U ARE PING POINTING ONLY SOME THINGS AND IGNORING OTHER IMPORTANT CONTENT!
WICH BTW AGAIN- PORTRATES THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM OF COMMUNICATION.. EASY TYPING AND AS RESULT- CAN PUSH SOME ONE TO A BAD PLACE..
WATCH YOUS STPS.. SALL IM SAING- BOTH SIDES- AND BTW-- ARE THERE EVEN SIDES??
IVE LOST MY PARTNER LOVER!! MY UNCLE! BEST FRIEND! GRANDAD! COUSIN! AND FFS! MORE FRIENDS TO SUICIDE!! AND WAR!! SOW COMPASSION FOR EVERYONE! ALSO AN ANGRY POST! HE DID NOT BLAME HER!! GROW UP! I AM GRIEVING RIGHT NOW! NO ONE IS GLOATING! AGAIN- THE HIGH ROAD PEOPLE-- COMPUTE!
X

There are no sides. Yes, show compassion for everyone including OP and those who don't agree with your opinions!