Has anyone else here lost the spark?

[throwaway123]

I used to be into technology and stuff but eventually I just lost all interest. I see people everyday who have that inner drive, the kind of willpower I need, they are an unstoppable machinery. I wish I didn't lose that. I've been trying to reignite the part of me that's been lost but I've failed. There's nothing here that can give me the willpower or motivation I need.

How did other people get out of this hole? How did they do it?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Not sure I ever had a spark to begin with. I don't know how other people do it.
I don't even care about getting out of the hole … I just want it to end.

If it doesn't spark joy … get rid of it. So I will get rid of my life.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've got so many hobbies and projects that I love and used to fill my time not too long ago. But now I can barely manage to get out of bed and move around. Even if I try to engage in something I love I can't focus enough for it to be any kind of meaningful.

 

[CaptainT]

It's scary when you feel that spark go out. I used to be so passionate about projects. I loved that creative feeling in flow. Now I look at other people who are full of mojo and I can't fathom how they do it. Happened so fast, my relatively stable predictable life collapsed like a house of cards within months. How does a life spark get extinguished so fast?

To get out of the hole @throwaway123 we can wait it out, we can try medication (I'm avoiding again at all costs) or we can decide to turn off the light switch permanently ourselves by CTB. I'm on this site and now ready for CTB because I feel it puts me back in control. I'm not letting the ship sink any further. CTB is now my "creative project," my "spark" in a weird way. I'm not suggesting you do it too, just explaining the weird paradox I feel if that makes sense

 

[ReturnToNothing]

What's weird with me is I can't remember having a spark. Just hopefulness that's things would get better, but that has never come. I just don't think my brain and body are meant to enjoy life. I have nothing about my life to complain about except for things that are a result of my lack of passion.

 

[SoupSnakes]

I'm pretty sure I've never had the 'spark'. There have been times when I've felt like others I look around and see, where you really have your shit together and it feels like you've got it but I don't think it was really anything of the sort, sadly.

 

[noctiva]

Yes, ever since we lost the AllSpark, the Autobots have been in decline..

No, joking aside, I've never had a spark to begin with, depression was always stronger than any spark I might have had somewhere. I found my spark when I was 31. And I lost it when I was 33. I'm not taking about the love of my life now, about the person. I'm talking about the inner strength, the hope, the drive to achieve, to do something. I was part of something that gave me so much energy, so much happiness, so much to thrive for, that I could do anything. I was working hard, on my PhD, on my relationship, on myself, body and mind. And ever since he left, I'm in worse depression that I have ever had (I think, some days I think it's not my depression at all, but for the sake of argument, let's go with that here now). I have lost all drive, to do anything, at all. Groceries, laundry, eating, sleeping, all require too much energy to do.
As @CaptainT says, when you feel the spark slowly going out (for me about a period of 4-6weeks), it's a horrible feeling. Mine is still every now and then, but it's almost gone. But I think I welcome when it's fully extinguished. I think CtB will be very easy at this point. I believe my spark held my hopes for a better future and a fulfilled life. That's gone now.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and others on your journey. I think if we all had more love and compassion for another as well as for ourselves, we could help nourish a lot of 'sparks', rather than letting them grow cold.

 

[Fragile]

at some point i was trying to get into art, fashion design and even psychology!

but i realized that i was never good enough, my illnesses both mental and phisical started getting in the way of my dreams and life just started crumbling whenever i thought that i could achieve anything.

and now i'm basically bedbound while pretending to recover and filling the void by consuming media... and drugs all day long.
in a way i never truly had a spark, just the delusion that i was worth something and things would work out in the end, only hoping for a miracle.
just more unfulfilled dreams that were never meant to be, or maybe i just never wanted to be alive in the first place.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I definitely had a lot of spark during my prime, but now, I had really lost it all. Only through death will I find true salvation.

 

[Donewithitall]

I am about to lose my job and my partner and I can't afford the house payment if I do. If I die and it looks like an accident the house is paid off and my partner will get a lump sum of cash. Any advice on how to get hit by a car so it looks like an accident please?

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I feel like the continuous blows from life snuffed my spark long ago. I used to push so hard to be the best at anything i did. I had passions. I could lose myself in a game or with friends.

Now i can barely pay attention to a show, i just zone out, only leave house when necessary. Nothing i would rather do than chill at home with my phone off.

 

[Chalken]

It sucks seeing people all around you so motivated, with goals in mind, prepared for the future. I look at them and feel like an alien. Someone that doesn't belong in this world, someone with no hope for the future. I used to be interested in all kinds of things: astronomy, science, technology, computers and now nothing draws my interest. I just try to distract myself as much as possible with everything, to avoid the crushing loneliness and despair. As you said, I lost all spark and passion for life.

 

[Slaanesh]

Anhedonia, it's awful I can shake someone's and hand and we can feel each others warmth and flesh.

But I'm simple not there.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Not sure I ever had a spark to begin with. I don't know how other people do it.
I don't even care about getting out of the hole … I just want it to end.

If it doesn't spark joy … get rid of it. So I will get rid of my life.

I've never been interested in anything I never have felt good in my life. Was always tired and fatigued. Now I have full flown Lyme and its awful I've had it for 20 years i'm tired of living with it. Don't want to anymore.