Discussion Has anyone else had a random reason as to why they haven't killed themselves?

[.............]

I've been suicidal for basically half my life now. I've chickened out one too many times if I'm going to be honest, and one of the reasons I have is the fact that I love music. I want everything to be over, I really do, but the fact that music exists holds me back too often. It's stupid. One minute I'm trying to think over ways to kill myself, the next I discover an artist's album and suddenly I hold back to listen. It's at odds with my want to die because I crave to be forgotten and lose all my worries and repent for all the mistakes I've made.

Does anyone else go through the same thing? Like does something random hold you back?

 

[Nolan96]

I think random little things can sometimes fleetingly distract me from wanting to die, but they can never really "hold me back" in the sense of actually making me attached to life.
It's the big loves and the big fears that do that for me, at least for the time being.

 

[.............]

I think random little things can sometimes fleetingly distract me from wanting to die, but they can never really "hold me back" in the sense of actually making me attached to life.
It's the big loves and the big fears that do that for me, at least for the time being.

I get that. Even if you feel determined, there are those bigger things that make you have to think harder about everything. I hope things clear up for you, and whatever direction you end up going in gives you peace.

 

[enau]

i think it s exactly the same thing than you x) also, im creative sometimes, and i like imagination, so being involveld in acreative stuff , .. it give me some.. uh, , i feel in harmony with me and i like it.Sadly , even music doesnt give me pleasure now or it s rare.. i suppose its because i dont see meaning anymore and i m disgusted by meaning .. music, art, everything has a meaning,
i hope i will appreciate truly music before cbt ( when i listen music, im on a artist/ music for one weeks, repeat again and again the tracks, for hours x) very intense x) )
Ah and also, shitty things of daily life : sometimes i forget uh, what im feeling, or.. ijust have to react for survival opn daily basis

 

[.............]

i think it s exactly the same thing than you x) also, im creative sometimes, and i like imagination, so being involveld in acreative stuff , .. it give me some.. uh, , i feel in harmony with me and i like it.Sadly , even music doesnt give me pleasure now or it s rare.. i suppose its because i dont see meaning anymore and i m disgusted by meaning .. music, art, everything has a meaning,
i hope i will appreciate truly music before cbt ( when i listen music, im on a artist/ music for one weeks, repeat again and again the tracks, for hours x) very intense x) )
Ah and also, shitty things of daily life : sometimes i forget uh, what im feeling, or.. ijust have to react for survival opn daily basis

I hope you get to the point you enjoy music again. It's really nice that creativity still brings you some positivity.

 

[Al Cappella]

This is going to sound strange, but it has to feel right. Atm it doesn't. It's not a fear thing either, as I feel rather detached about it all.

 

[.............]

This is going to sound strange, but it has to feel right. Atm it doesn't. It's not a fear thing either, as I feel rather detached about it all.

Maybe that's what I'm waiting for too, now that I think about it.

 

[GhostOfOctober]

Gotta prove those fuckers wrong

 

[FuneralCry]

I think in my case I am only still here as it is difficult to leave this world. Nothing brings me any enjoyment or comforts me. I just wish I was gone. I also want to be forgotten, all I want is to leave behind this life and be at peace. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Lost Magic]

I feel the same. I love music and other forms of entertainment. I find myself lost in them and can easily forget that I am suicidal. But when I am not distracted, those thoughts come flooding back. It's a catch 22, but I still want to die.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I was once obsessed with playing music and listening to it as well. I haven't really listen to any music in about a year. It's too painful.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

While I wouldn't say they keep me here, there is one rather ridiculous thing I can't bear to part with. It seems trivial to others but it is so, so important to me. That and part of me holds out for the perfect death.

Music definitely takes the edge off. I'm glad you have that for the time being.

 

[Life sucks]

I don't know if this reason is random, I don't want to make some members feel sad here

Games, music, etc work as a reason but it's more like a distraction because of lack of method. Maybe if I got a method, it'll hold me to play some games before leaving.

 

[NSA]

Does anyone else go through the same thing? Like does something random hold you back?

When you put it like that...
Random stuff seems to be the only reason I'm still here.

It's art for me right now. Want to properly learn to paint and get better at drawing. Some other shit too, but when I'm questioning why for the 4th time today, that's what usually pops into my head.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I'm quite attached to my ability to perceive art and music. Music, movies, theater and art have not lost their joy for me yet. I am trying to hold on until the last possible moment, until I am absolutely sure I can go on no longer.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I generally enjoy playing video games and watching cartoons/anime. It's nice to escape into a fantasy world as the real world is too much to bear.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I've had a few animes in the past that I had to make it through the week to watch the next episode of. Then I'd usually sob and cut as soon as the episode ended lol I think certain animes are the only thing that have been truly strong enough that I would wait for them. They still mean a lot to me even if I barely feel anything, but at the same time they've stopped airing and left a hole in my heart. Aside from that it's random things outside of my control like family suddenly visiting, suddenly we're out of town, etc. But those must happen to a lot of people. Those are more unintentional interventions than me stopping of my own free will.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I can say that listening to my music makes me happy to be alive in those moments. But it's not enough to keep me here.

 

[Chiisai]

I've been suicidal for basically half my life now. I've chickened out one too many times if I'm going to be honest, and one of the reasons I have is the fact that I love music. I want everything to be over, I really do, but the fact that music exists holds me back too often. It's stupid. One minute I'm trying to think over ways to kill myself, the next I discover an artist's album and suddenly I hold back to listen. It's at odds with my want to die because I crave to be forgotten and lose all my worries and repent for all the mistakes I've made.

Does anyone else go through the same thing? Like does something random hold you back?

Ive been asking myself why for a while now and I think I now know the answer. I want to die a natural death and though it seems farfetched, that is why Im hoping for psychogenic death but I know someday I might have to take matters into my own hands.