I've been in lockdown for 3 months now. Even though restrictions are easing up in Italy, I still can't get anywhere outside of my little shitty town. This has made me extremely suicidal, and the only thing that's holding me back right now is the fact that I'm really young. I don't know for how long I can hold on though. Every morning I can feel a piece of myself slipping away, trying to answer questions that I had never asked myself before. When the only things that I cared about fell apart, I realized that all this time I was just trying to distract myself from what life really is. Just a meaningless waste. I hope I'll be gone in the summer. I know one day I will find the will to end this.
Lady black
35 male, central Europe, German speaking
- Oct 22, 2018
- 1,192
Yes it is really hard. I get´s better here in my country, but I know in italy it´s still hard
InTheAirTonight
I tried
- Feb 29, 2020
- 475
No there isn't really lockdown where I live, just social distancing and non essential businesses closed down. I still go to work. I have too many personal issues to care about this virus
Starting my third month, and yes.
I can feel both my body and my mind just rotting away. I'm holding out because my partner has repeatedly told me it would absolutely break him if I committed suicide. It sucks.
Feel free to chat me up, if you'd like.
Also yes.
I can feel both my body and my mind just rotting away. I'm holding out because my partner has repeatedly told me it would absolutely break him if I committed suicide. It sucks.
Feel free to chat me up, if you'd like.
For me it's quite the opposite, I'm also in Italy and I strongly feel like a failure because I have troubles leaving the house/sustaining a "normal" life and the lockdown has given me an excuse, so now I'm kinda worried about it getting to an end and having to face real life again.
Alec
Wizard
- Apr 22, 2019
- 681
I'm in Spain, and the lockdown has made it worse for me too. Because I'm closed up with my very toxic mother. I'm so sorry you are going through this!!!
ZardozOmega
Narcissist Gay NEET-cel
- Mar 4, 2020
- 718
lockdown hasnt changed my life in the slightest. that's depressing
I can definitely relate. There is like no distraction no more and I start thinking about what life is about and what the meaning of our existence actually is. It makes me feel extremely anxious. Everytime a thought like this appears, I try to supress the thought because its unbearable for me and I would end up with a panic attack if I wouldnt. You should definitely look for distraction too. Do something you enjoy, give yourself some tasks you have to do. It will help.
SeekingMoksha
Member
- May 6, 2020
- 17
I have found myself comparing covid-19 to 9/11 because I know there will be even more restrictions because of it. Sorry if that sounds kind of cruel and selfish, but you have to admit that things like the Patriot Act is invasive, and so is Lockdown. I won't pretend that I was the type to leave my house, but damn it would be nice to have the option. Another reason why I don't see things getting better.
oneess
Die in my sleep
- May 5, 2019
- 46
Can definitely relate, before the lockdown my suicidal tendency was pretty much under control, but all hell went loose afterwards
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
Not me, im fine, cops like to honk and call me over when they see me doing my 2,3mile run. I'm fine, I certainly miss a lot having a some love and affect. Girl left me when I told her about my ex-suicidal tendencies, I had to tell her the truth. I'm thinking in getting a cat, and I see the mere fact that I consider getting a cat like a positive thing in my recovery, like ready to make a long term commitment, that's huge.
Yea, I can't believe we have to live like this. Evil people want to hurt us and destroy our lives :("
GoBack
Paragon
- Apr 25, 2020
- 997
It's making me lose touch with reality even more, but then I know reality is worse than it was before lockdown so more suicidal yep
Nolye
The hardest battles are fought in the mind.
- May 3, 2020
- 74
Another fellow Italian? I understand what you mean, we've been living like recluses for three months now, it's really hard. Especially when you need to get out to escape your own head. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? You said you're very young.
However, I also feel this, to be honest. Bloody hell, it all sucks.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,707
I've been suicidal for a long time, I would just say that my mood has just gotten worse during this lockdown, due to lack of freedom of movement, being able to access my method, and then of course, my father discovering that I dislike living and wish to die. I simply cannot risk my plan of CTB'ing/self-deliverance to fail but when living with parents, sometimes they eventually catch a red flag and find out due to day to day interactions and probing.
So in short, I wouldn't say it's making me even more suicidal than I already am, I'm simply waiting for that 'right' time and circumstances before I CTB.
So in short, I wouldn't say it's making me even more suicidal than I already am, I'm simply waiting for that 'right' time and circumstances before I CTB.
Breadbfra
Specialist
- Jul 16, 2020
- 374
VIBRITANNIA
lelouch. any pronouns. pfp is by pixiv id 3217872.
- Aug 10, 2020
- 1,156
i get what you mean. lockdown's just left me alone with the thoughts i buried with schoolwork and outings. it's just made me realize that i have to ctb soon.
_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,109
the lockdown gave me a good excuse for my introversion and social anxiety, ctb also doesn't feel like a big thing anymore since the world is in a state of exception
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 20,756
Funny enough, lockdown initally put aside some of my most intense suicidal thoughts. Both my grandparents died right before the pandemic really took off so having to worry about this disease actually got me to take my mind off that. Also a big factor alone for my stress was the commute I had to make to get to school (45 minutes of traffic for a ten mile drive) so not having to physically go out anymore was actually super relieving for me since I hate going outside anyway. I even stopped going to this website for a few months because now I had all the time I wanted to just stay home, play games, and watch shows.
Now however, I'm still in lockdown and I kind of miss hanging out with my friends and buying food for myself instead of having to eat with my family. The real thing that brought me back here though was how stressed I was becoming when I realized that I don't belong in modern society by discussing issues with my friends. Also my online classes are managing to stress me out too.
Now however, I'm still in lockdown and I kind of miss hanging out with my friends and buying food for myself instead of having to eat with my family. The real thing that brought me back here though was how stressed I was becoming when I realized that I don't belong in modern society by discussing issues with my friends. Also my online classes are managing to stress me out too.
