I feel like a bit of a cheat. There are people on here that suffer from clinical depression and physical anguish that would probably switch places with me in a heartbeat.
My main drive for suicide is pressure, heartbreak, things being out of control, and abuse. All factors I have been unable to rid myself of my entire adult life.
It comes in waves. If none of the above factors are true. I begin to recover, but then one of them becomes true, I start to relapse.
I had a very difficult situation I managed to overcome. I fought tooth and nail to get myself back to some sort of normality. Which I did. Then, my heart chose a path, which ended up being the wrong one.
So, yes, I recovered. But external forces caused a relapse again. All those factors have been true this past year and show no sign of letting up.
There's no gas in the tank anymore for me. Hence why I'm here, looking for fuel. Either to kept me here or not.