Mx_Pathetic
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- May 8, 2023
- 144
Back in like..2021-2022 I had made a couple of friends. We always used to play together, I actually dated one of them for awhile. But I've noticed everyone's officially moved on. One of my friends hasn't messaged me in awhile even though I've messaged them. The other I just found out, has unfollowed me…it hurts knowing everyone's moving on/ forward. They all have wonderful lives..I'm not mad they moved on..just sad to accept the relationships are generally over, yknow. I miss them…but I all honesty it's my fault. When my relationship with the person I was with finished…I shut down completely. I barely messaged anyone and I was generally a complete mess. I've always had a fear of being alone, which I think hurt more. However, even though I badly want to refriend them and want to try the friendships again. I know for one…it'll never be the same and two, it's to late. I just…wish I hadn't fucked things over, wish I could go back and not be so distant. Making friends now…it's hard. I currently have one online friends and I've known him for 3ish years..we've always talked on and off but lately we've gotten closer…not too close, he won't really let me talk about serious things. Maybe that's for the best. He Uhm…has told me things, things that make me happy, like wanting to see me irl and he sees a future we're when I get a computer we will play more games- which makes me think of a future with my friend. It scares me…I don't want to get my hopes up and be hurt again…but I also want to believe in it. I'm so trumatised by losses that I can't even make friends anymore..and the one I've currently made…scares me. I have 4-5 irl friends and I love them to pieces, they'll probably never leave me honestly. But the thought of losing them still lingers..if they ever did….id have no friends at all. I'd officially be lonely…last time I lost friends, I was in the worst depressive state ever, before hand. Then I lost them because I was struggling with my own shit and couldn't be there for them. When I lost them….it all became 10x worse. I distance myself from the friends that stayed…2 of them I'm still friends with..the other 2 stopped for awhile but came back. Anyways my trauma from losing people…it effects me a lot to this day.
