Hard to ctb (survival instinct issues)

[Snowx88]

How come some tend to ctb easier but I cannot get myself to do it . What characteristics must I possess to ctb effectively without backing out aka overcoming the survival extinct. I planned on ctbing two months ago. Been trying to hang myself w partial and keep failing and damaging my neck . It hurts to swallow now and I keep bursting vessels in my face. I'm sick of attempting partial . I want something quick . I wish I owned a shotgun :/ knowing myself the SI would probably be horrid with that Aswell. Any tips for overcoming this stupid survival instinct ?

 

[pole]

It isn't easy, and it's completely normal for you to struggle with this. I guess above everything really, its truly accepting it and coming to terms with it. Many can't solely ctb without the use of substances, so they use alcohol to intoxicate and maybe even drugs to just numb themselves and make it easier to do. Have you looked into alcohol, intoxicating yourself before ctbing? Also, if the plan keeps failing, maybe its a sign that it wont work? maybe SN or N might be an interesting look. Goodluck and i hope this helps in any way possible.

 

[Codieb1]

Perhaps just try different methods. I couldn't jump off a building but I feel far more confident I can take SN

 

[Snowx88]

Perhaps just try different methods. I couldn't jump off a building but I feel far more confident I can take SN

I can't jump aswell cause I'm terrified of heights . I would prefer gun shot much more.

 

[Codieb1]

I'm terrified of heights too but I know that's not what's stopping me. It's pure survival instinct. I don't think I could do gun either because it's literally an "end my life" button. Brain don't like that

 

[Vegrau]

How come some tend to ctb easier but I cannot get myself to do it . What characteristics must I possess to ctb effectively without backing out aka overcoming the survival extinct. I planned on ctbing two months ago. Been trying to hang myself w partial and keep failing and damaging my neck . It hurts to swallow now and I keep bursting vessels in my face. I'm sick of attempting partial . I want something quick . I wish I owned a shotgun :/ knowing myself the SI would probably be horrid with that Aswell. Any tips for overcoming this stupid survival instinct ?

Despair.

 

[Snowx88]

It isn't easy, and it's completely normal for you to struggle with this. I guess above everything really, its truly accepting it and coming to terms with it. Many can't solely ctb without the use of substances, so they use alcohol to intoxicate and maybe even drugs to just numb themselves and make it easier to do. Have you looked into alcohol, intoxicating yourself before ctbing? Also, if the plan keeps failing, maybe its a sign that it wont work? maybe SN or N might be an interesting look. Goodluck and i hope this helps in any way possible.

I feel like if I were to intoxicate or drug myself it would be more difficult to ctb personally because I would be disoriented and fumbling around while still somewhat aware of my surroundings which is scary in it own self. I'd rather watch my death and struggle soberly I guess rather than drunk or drugged. Maybe I need to drink more to see if I wanna die drunk but for now I know I don't.

 

[not_a_robot]

That's why my preferred methods are the ones like going to sleep. N, F, Sn.
Also, supposedly you're compressing the wrong place if you're bursting blood vessels, but I'm no expert.

I feel like if I were to intoxicate or drug myself it would be more difficult to ctb personally because I would be disoriented and fumbling around while still somewhat aware of my surroundings which is scary in it own self. I'd rather watch my death and struggle soberly I guess rather than drunk or drugged. Maybe I need to drink more to see if I wanna die drunk but for now I know I don't.

You don't have to fumble around with anything if the drug kills you.

 

[Snowx88]

I'm terrified of heights too but I know that's not what's stopping me. It's pure survival instinct. I don't think I could do gun either because it's literally an "end my life" button. Brain don't like that

So what do u think is best method that doesn't require ingesting or drinking anything

That's why my preferred methods are the ones like going to sleep. N, F, Sn.
Also, supposedly you're compressing the wrong place if you're bursting blood vessels, but I'm no expert.

You don't have to fumble around with anything if the drug kills you.

But things you have to swallow or ingest don't have high success rates cause not everyone is able to absorb and get all of the substances into the bloodstream Effectively if they have malabsorption issues like me. I would need an iv to effectively kill me . And yeah the bursting vessels is from jugular vein compression not carotid .

 

[jake3d]

Perhaps just try different methods. I couldn't jump off a building but I feel far more confident I can take SN

Same here. I wanted to jump a bridge. Ended up going to the bar at the train station, getting tipsy and actually having a good time fooling around with a soccer ball with random strangers.

 

[pole]

I feel like if I were to intoxicate or drug myself it would be more difficult to ctb personally because I would be disoriented and fumbling around while still somewhat aware of my surroundings which is scary in it own self. I'd rather watch my death and struggle soberly I guess rather than drunk or drugged. Maybe I need to drink more to see if I wanna die drunk but for now I know I don't.

Thats me too. but i dont drink, smoke etc. But people who usually do drink, etc, do so to numb themselves and feel nothing, atleast thats what i can tell, what the frick do i know. So i thought that might help :/ it just gets your mind off things, calms ur nerves and you feel alot looser. But it might not be for you. You failing the method might be just be a sign, but again with others, i feel way confident taking a liquid substance like N or SN, than trusting my stupid self with partial, because with my luck, i'd frick it up.

Since im not like this, like robot said, a liquid substance and a change of a method would be way better IMO. N or SN. Good luck :/.

 

[Codieb1]

So what do u think is best method that doesn't require ingesting or drinking anything

in the end, it's really what you're most comfortable with. I've spent months reading up on methods and it eventually brought me here, where I continue reading about methods.

 

[kuddelmuddel23]

Survival instict is, as the name instinct suggests, something you cannot consciously influence. As by definition:

Any behavior is instinctive if it is performed without being based upon prior experience (that is, in the absence of learning), and is therefore an expression of innate biological factors

Of course, that doesn't make it any easier to try if you know it's gonna kill you.

I have an unsuccessful suicide attempt behind me (don't misunderstand, I didn't even try to jump, the SI was that strong). But at that time I didn't deal enough with my reasons and my situation in general. I acted impulsively.

Today my views have changed. I have intensively dealt with the questions of taking the bus. I thought about it for a long time. And now comes the most important part: I am satisfied with my decision. I will take the bus because it is the best possible option in my situation. That has almost completely taken away my fear of taking it. So I would say if you are sure that this is the best option for you and you are not impulsive, it can dampen the SI a bit.

What about you? You said that you decided to take the bus two months ago. Do you think it's the only option, or are you unsure? Maybe it's a good idea to think everything through again. You are welcome to write to me privately if you like to talk.

 

[262653]

Been trying to hang myself w partial and keep failing and damaging my neck . It hurts to swallow now and I keep bursting vessels in my face. I'm sick of attempting partial... Any tips for overcoming this stupid survival instinct ?

Have you considered masturbation? Using pleasure system in your favor? Lack of drive seems to be very common problem among suicidals. Sexual urge is a powerful one and can become your ally in the right circumstances.
I've also experienced difficulties to swallow and husky voice when attempting partial for the first time. It might be because I compressed the trachea, this breathing tube at the center of the throat. There has to b a megathread about this method with pictures... I didn't find one yet, but here's the picture. It's a different method that utilizes the same vulnerability...

Oh, this one should do it! And there is also link to the source, just in case you missed it out.