Happy people makes me sad

[catotoctb]

I just want to be happy.

I hate seeing people doing great in college, i want to be like them, knowing i'm good and i can pass all classes and get good grades. They're always telling me that superior classes are complicated and they're frustrated but mate i can't even pass the firsts subjets of my university, that's more upsetting, i would love to have your same issues and be stress in superior subjets but i'm stress in the first ones. I hate it, i hate it so much.

I see my partner happy and makes me wanna be them, i know is not good to have those thoughts but my miserable life create them.

I just want to be good in college and have a normal academic life. I'm a fucking failure. I just want to be happy.

 

[catperson]

No on god i hate seeing people happy it makes me so mad i cant remember the last time i was happy

 

[lemonbunny]

Ugh I relate so hard. I don't even participate in class bc I don't know wtf is going on, and then I do bad in tests and it's just a vicious cycle. I feel like I live in a different world, like I am on some level below them that I cannot make sense of. You know what makes me feel worse, though? Some of the same people say they also struggle with anxiety and depression like it's nothing. I don't know if they're always telling the truth or not, but it makes me feel worse, because apparently mental issues aren't an excuse for not being smiling achievers like them...

 

[catotoctb]

Ugh I relate so hard. I don't even participate in class bc I don't know wtf is going on, and then I do bad in tests and it's just a vicious cycle. I feel like I live in a different world, like I am on some level below them that I cannot make sense of. You know what makes me feel worse, though? Some of the same people say they also struggle with anxiety and depression like it's nothing. I don't know if they're always telling the truth or not, but it makes me feel worse, because apparently mental issues aren't an excuse for not being smiling achievers like them...

Reading you makes me remind about myself. I related in every single thing you said. 'I feel like I live in a different world' hits me so hard because its so true and so sad because is not just different world but the worse world ever.

Some weeks ago i made another post about college issues if you want to visit it and feel in a safe space to share your situation. Also, feel free to dm me if you want.

I don't know you but reading your reply make me want to pray for us to get better, someday. Btw thank you for your reply, its makes me truly happy and not alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful having to deal with so much envy, it's cruel and dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Minsu]

It must be awful having to deal with so much envy, it's cruel and dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

Exactly. I hate the society in every single country since nobody gives a shit about people who're suffering or are homeless.
Tbh I'm looking forward to leave this matrix. I just have to prepare stuff first

 

[kittyneedsabreak]

Ugh I relate so hard. I don't even participate in class bc I don't know wtf is going on, and then I do bad in tests and it's just a vicious cycle. I feel like I live in a different world, like I am on some level below them that I cannot make sense of. You know what makes me feel worse, though? Some of the same people say they also struggle with anxiety and depression like it's nothing. I don't know if they're always telling the truth or not, but it makes me feel worse, because apparently mental issues aren't an excuse for not being smiling achievers like them...

I've been in your position before during my last two years of high school, and in the high achieving position before and since that time. I wanted to give some insight on those high achieving people since I've seen some of that side. I can achieve pretty well academically theoretically, primarily in an environment built around self studying. But being in a classroom, although less of an issue now in college, drives me insane and rarely helps me. Plus, if one is typically high achieving, it means that everyone expects that standard forever. No matter what the issues they are dealing with, it's not seen as an excuse to do worse.

Yeah some people are fucking perfect and have always had the resources and stable family and support to be social and academic and honestly those people are just untouchable. They're ones I envy too, even as a high achiever. But that's not all of them, and hell, even some of those people go insane. The amount of "perfect" debate team kids I heard of during my time in high school who killed themselves was enough to make it a statistic and not a surprise.

Also, at least for me, those academics are my way out so I can move to Europe. So I basically drive myself insane over grades and force myself to do perfect on every college assignment, get perfect attendance, etc. Good grades aren't always from a good or reasonable place.
For me, it's from killing myself slowly over the chance at a future that isn't fucking hellworld, even though I don't even know if I'll get that future or if it's worth living that long to find out.

 

[lachrymost]

Happy children are the worst of the worst. Most of them have no idea what's ahead.

 

[rainseahorse]

it's relative. someone in a different position will envy the potential that your life has. someone with potential will envy someone with more perceived potential.
almost everyone is going to suffer at some point in life. if you make it through, you're probably going to be more resilient than others in dealing with struggles.
i don't think you're even abnormal. it's being all good and happy that's abnormal. it's just that happy people are the loudest.
it's going to be hard, but try your best to focus on your own path.

 

[Letmedienow]

I can't stand hearing people laugh. It makes me want to gouge my ears out

 

[catotoctb]

Happy children are the worst of the worst. Most of them have no idea what's ahead.

I started to think that, i feel bad withyself for thinking it because children are truly living a happy life but growing up kill that fucking life.
It's killing me becase every time i see a kid makes me realised that when that kid grow up, they might be having this suicidal thoughts and they're growing up without knowing that.

it's relative. someone in a different position will envy the potential that your life has. someone with potential will envy someone with more perceived potential.
almost everyone is going to suffer at some point in life. if you make it through, you're probably going to be more resilient than others in dealing with struggles.
i don't think you're even abnormal. it's being all good and happy that's abnormal. it's just that happy people are the loudest.
it's going to be hard, but try your best to focus on your own path.

It's so hard for me to focus on my own path as you said because my depression is killing me more when i see happy people in college but it'll try. Thank you for your words. I need them.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

I can totally relate.

When I was in high school, I hated to see my classmates smile. I was seen as a "weirdo" just because I never smiled.
I hated to see them laugh all the time and even more when they laughed at me.

College didn't bring much change. They didn't bother me, but they excluded me and I was always alone. It depressed me to see everyone happy.
The professors were always upbeat, offering clichéd phrases like "Life is beautiful" and "Always think positive", which I'd rather forget.

Returning to my high school days, I have a story to share.
Envy always plagued me, especially toward my classmates. I remember during the pandemic, my classmates were excited about graduating while I had to repeat a year due to failing.

Their excitement fueled my anger, pushing me to hatch a plan.

I wanted to offer them my graduation gift for all their supposed "kindness."

Given the pandemic, their final exams were conducted online, and I had previously encountered issues with the school's website.
Despite lacking coding skills, I found a way to access their accounts and initiated my plan during the final exam week.
I accessed a few accounts and purposely answered some of their exams incorrectly.

Once the exam period ended, the second phase of my plan unfolded.

Teachers typically printed the results a few days later, with classmates' names printed on the result sheets. Importantly, the site and accounts were only used for final exams, meaning no one would revisit the website after that week.
So, when the week concluded, I altered all the account names to absurd and meaningless ones.
With my plan executed, I distanced myself from the internet and awaited the consequences.

At the time, I believed no one had noticed. However, one day, my phone started ringing incessantly, but no one dared to send a message. I assumed they had figured out it was me.

I wasn't entirely sure what happened next, but an old classmate informed me that they were searching for the suspect, with many mentioning me as a supposed "hacker" even though I couldn't code.
The school administration aimed to expel me, but I remained "missing," and they took no action against me.
The ironic twist was that they canceled the graduation ceremony, not due to the pandemic, but because of the alleged "account hacking." While other groups enjoyed their ceremony, my classmates had to wait at home for their high school diplomas.
Afterward, no one heard from me and I never received any comments from my classmates.

But thinking a bit about the story, I have realized how far my envy and impusiveness can take me, to a point where I become a sociopath...

 

[catperson]

Ugh I relate so hard. I don't even participate in class bc I don't know wtf is going on, and then I do bad in tests and it's just a vicious cycle. I feel like I live in a different world, like I am on some level below them that I cannot make sense of. You know what makes me feel worse, though? Some of the same people say they also struggle with anxiety and depression like it's nothing. I don't know if they're always telling the truth or not, but it makes me feel worse, because apparently mental issues aren't an excuse for not being smiling achievers like them...

No fr