Happy Ending

[lyfesucks]

Hello. I am planing to ctb soon and in the meanwhile I was thinking of completely not paying attention to my school work and things about the future and looking for a job and such because- if I'm planning on dying then that really won't matter. On the other hand I can stress myself out and try to do the best I can finishing out this semester in the two classes I've taken for my first year at college (even though I've been insanely depressed since the start of this semester and have been pretty bad with school and probably will end up getting D or maybe a C if I try my absolute hardest in both. But then another part of me is like what's the point if I'm gonna die soon anyway and another part of me is like well you should try your hardest in case it doesn't work. And then another part of me is like of course it is gonna work you should live out your last weeks in freedom without worry and stress. Meanwhile I would fake it to my parents how great I'm doing in school and how I am looking for a job. What are your thoughts on my outlook of school/ future? Do you think I should try maybe a little more or completely drop school/ future and just focus on the now before I ctb in the next coming weeks?

 

[Pookie]

Things may seem shitty and difficult now but they can improve. You're young so you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you realise how difficult it is to kill yourself? Survival instinct can kick in and many attempts fail or can leave the person in a worse state if they survive. Not to mention that options for suicide methods are limited. I would say focus on your studies and the future for now.

 

[yetme]

Hello. I am planing to ctb soon and in the meanwhile I was thinking of completely not paying attention to my school work and things about the future and looking for a job and such because- if I'm planning on dying then that really won't matter. On the other hand I can stress myself out and try to do the best I can finishing out this semester in the two classes I've taken for my first year at college (even though I've been insanely depressed since the start of this semester and have been pretty bad with school and probably will end up getting D or maybe a C if I try my absolute hardest in both. But then another part of me is like what's the point if I'm gonna die soon anyway and another part of me is like well you should try your hardest in case it doesn't work. And then another part of me is like of course it is gonna work you should live out your last weeks in freedom without worry and stress. Meanwhile I would fake it to my parents how great I'm doing in school and how I am looking for a job. What are your thoughts on my outlook of school/ future? Do you think I should try maybe a little more or completely drop school/ future and just focus on the now before I ctb in the next coming weeks?

Spend the rest of your life enjoying every moment of it. Fuck anything that doesn't make you happy.

 

[constant_grief]

What is making you feel suicidal? Exams and job hunting can indeed be very stressful, but they are absolutely not worth taking your life over. Keep at your studies and remember the good things in life, the things you enjoy.

 

[Caspers]

Sudden decrease in grades is very normal for suicidal people, so there's a chance people may see red flags, especially if you have a history of mental illness. I'd suggest you still continue if you can, but maybe put less effort in it if it's truly something you don't want to do

 

[312]

You still have a whole future ahead of you, focus on that, it's the best you can do. You could end up with sequels

 

[lyfesucks]

What is making you feel suicidal? Exams and job hunting can indeed be very stressful, but they are absolutely not worth taking your life over. Keep at your studies and remember the good things in life, the things you enjoy.

Well no it's not just that specifically but I just feel like life in general is hard and unpredictable and shitty in general and not worth living. I have the potential to do great things in the world and I know I'm cute it's just my mind is not there to put forth that effort and I'm have major depression and despite my medication I have still been feeling suicidal when the first time I took it last year it brought me out and I felt better. It's hard to remember the things I enjoy when I still feel like I'm learning about myself. I think I'd rather die though ultimately because I'm scared at failing in life and since I'm so young it's kinda like I never started?!

Sudden decrease in grades is very normal for suicidal people, so there's a chance people may see red flags, especially if you have a history of mental illness. I'd suggest you still continue if you can, but maybe put less effort in it if it's truly something you don't want to do

Yes but I can put on a good face really well. I wish I could put less effort into but I'm an all or nothing type girl. And unfortunately even if I want to get better and such I don't have the physical motivation to do so if that makes sense.

You still have a whole future ahead of you, focus on that, it's the best you can do. You could end up with sequels

That's what's kinda scary for me. I have such high expectations for what my future could be and what I want it to look like that I feel almost better ctb because it mean that I couldn't get a chance to fail. What do you mean by sequels btw?

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I don't know how old you are, but you sound very young and it's possible that hormonal changes are contributing to your depression.
If you feel your medication isn't helping anymore, you should see your gp and they may change your meds or increase the dose. Please don't consider cbt as your only way forward. There are loads of different antidepressants you can try and perhaps some therapy alongside.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My advice is don't fuck yourself over. You may ctb in a matter of weeks, or you may change your mind, or you may survive. If either of the latter two happen and your grades are fucked, then it's just more burden to deal with. You can still make moments to enjoy life along with studying.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm a lot like you, I got a job a few months ago and now I've started my course but sometimes I wonder why I'm doing it if I'm going to CTB eventually. My advice is to just spend your time doing things you enjoy until you eventually CTB. I've given myself two or three years so I'm going to just do everything I've wanted to do until I decide to end it.

 

[Neowise]

I personally would still focus on my studies. There is never a 100% chance the attempt will be successful, so if you get shit marks and don't end up killing yourself you have basically fucked yourself and your future. Your studies could be some sort of plan B if you get what I mean.

I just feel like life in general is hard and unpredictable and shitty in general and not worth living

I don't intend to be rude, but it sounds like your motivations to ctb are weak. I'm not saying you are exaggerating, I mean I don't know what is going on in your life. It just looks like you don't have an ultimate cause to kill yourself. That's another reason why I'd keep studying for school.