My birthdate is the 17th, I am 26
I have just lost someone extremely important to suicide. Although I am depressed myself and struggle with daily suicidal thoughts, I still failed to see the signs within them and it was completely unexpected, I'm devastated.
They chose hanging as a method and I am left with some questions that people on here may have the education to answer and I feel that if I had the answers, it would give me a little bit of closure (maybe?). It was partial hanging by the way (short drop). 1. How long does it take to die by short drop hanging and how does it work to kill someone? 2. Is it painless? 3. Do you just pass out after a certain amount of time? 4. Could they have been saved if they were found within a certain amount of time? I'm afraid they might not have wanted to go through with it and was hoping someone would find them in time or what if they tried to free themselves and couldn't? 5. But considering it was a short drop, could they have just stood up to relieve themselves?HowIsCould
Losing someone like this has taken such a massive toll on me and the grief is unbearable - it's the what ifs that kill me the most.
I apologise if these questions go against this websites rules, if so, admins please delete immediately. I'm still new here so I'm still figuring out what is and isn't allowed. Thanks.
1. There's stuff on here about how long it takes.
I don't want to provide the info myself.
2. No
3. Yes
4. Possibly, but unless it was right away, there likely would have been brain damage and that's a much worse situation. There are stories of people who try to hang themselves and are discovered by family and paramedics arrive and once there is a pulse, the government keeps you alive no matter how much you are suffering. I read one story of a saved person who could only blink after and blinked to indicate they wanted to die, they were cared 24/7 by medical staff. It's better you didn't get there right before they died.
It is very unlikely that they decided at the last second the wanted to live and couldn't get out of the noose. They could have just stood up prior to passing out, and once someone is passed out brain damage is going to start to set in.
In other words, it's not like if you had only arrived slightly sooner it would have been better.
Regarding if they might not have wanted to go through with it:
It takes tremendous willpower to end one's life like that. They wanted to die. You have to really really want to die to do it that way, it takes a lot of intent because when facing death most people have an instinct to survive.
It's not your fault you failed to see the signs, it's society's fault.
If a suicidal person talks with anyone about it, in the USA there's risks of losing all gun rights and being involuntarily hospitalized and billed for it after, people often report bills of 35K or 40K and can't refuse based on cost, a person who is locked up can never get a security clearance, can't ever fly a plane, and the records can be used in certain contexts later (like in a child custody hearing, even if the records are protected, a spouse who learned of it could mention it to argue they should have full custody and spousal support). People, especially men, know this and so when they are suicidal they often do not tell anyone.
This is society's fault. Getting help for suicide has economic costs, results in losses of rights, and the help people get isn't totally protected from being used against a person in certain contexts. Additionally, once someone has disclosed they are suicidal to a clinician, the clinician can always lock them up at any time that the clinician feels like it.
I myself am very suicidal and would love to have a therapist if I knew for certain it could never result in hospitalization and that I would retain the choice whether to live or die and that the therapy could never be used in any context against me and that it wouldn't result in any loss of rights.
Remember, Hunter Biden was prosecuted for being a drug addict and purchasing a gun, but if he were a mentally ill person, he could have been prosecuted just as easily. They say it's because he lied and bought a gun, but if he never admitted to having a drugs addiction he wouldn't have been prosecuted and when mentally ill people never talk about these things they are able to always avoid any complication caused by having a special second-class status.
You didn't fail to notice anything. This is the government's fault, and they idiotically claim people don't report themselves as being suicidal because of a lack of awareness. Like "oh, well they must have not known about 988 or Prozac. Let's put up a billboard! Awareness solves the problem!" It's fucking bullshit and it's their own regulatory framework that discourages the most downtrodden from getting help. But to change that regulatory framework, the government would havr to give up power and admit to being wrong, and those arrogent decision makers will never do that, because this really isn't about suicide prevention, it's about making people feel good through hollow gestures.
So no, you missed no signs, that person likely kept it hidden.
There are grief groups for people who have lost someone to suicide. You should go to one and not comeback to this forum for at least 6 months if not a year if you wven ever come back. And it's also very hard to commit suicide, most attempts fail, so unless you are 100% set on dying, go get a therapist and go to the grief group, don't come back here for a long time unless nothing works and you are certain this is your path. This is an awful hard dark path for people who usually feel like there are no options.
You didn't miss signs. You didn't almost save this person. They wanted this. If you had interrupted, either they would be be brain damaged or if you had interrupted before they passed out, they likely would have just done it again later.
Go to a grief group for people people who were close to those who committed suicide. Sorry for your loss.
