
willitpass
Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
- Mar 10, 2020
- 3,219
i tried to ctb last year via SN and was unsuccessful because i panicked about how it felt and told someone and was saved. it was far from deciding i didn't want to die anymore, i think it was subconscious survival instinct. i ended up in the hospital and was stabilized with methane blue or whatever it's called and ended up in a residential facility for 8 months. i actually did recover. after i attempted to ctb while in there but was able to get better. i genuinely felt happy and wanted to live life. everything was going so well. i had a happy relationship with my boyfriend who stuck with me through all of that, i've been doing well in school, taking care of myself, having healthy relationships, making good money. but the depression is starting to creep it's way back. i mean, i should have known better than to think i would be okay forever.
anyway, i have been working on a new plan. this is simply a thing to keep in the back of my pocket as i am not currently suicidal enough to intend on acting on anything, however i want to have a solid plan in place in the case that i do become unbearably mentally ill again. i want to hang myself in the woods. i know from another thread that i should use a spot near the base of a branch, however i need help on what rope size and am getting inconsistent information on the knot that should be used. help would be appreciated!
anyway, i have been working on a new plan. this is simply a thing to keep in the back of my pocket as i am not currently suicidal enough to intend on acting on anything, however i want to have a solid plan in place in the case that i do become unbearably mentally ill again. i want to hang myself in the woods. i know from another thread that i should use a spot near the base of a branch, however i need help on what rope size and am getting inconsistent information on the knot that should be used. help would be appreciated!