Story Had two consults with new therapists today

[Rounded Apathy]

I'm not getting ahead of myself at all in any way, but at least I can say I'm "trying".

Both were from home and offer reduced rates. One gave me a full free 50-minute intro session and I got a pretty good vibe from, but charges a third more money than the other, who felt okay (it was only 15 minutes though) and whose practice is at the ends of the earth, meaning in-person would never be an option. A big strike against - backing myself into the quiet corner of the basement so my housemates won't hear me isn't the most fun.

I'm stuck between which one to choose, because I know both or either could end up being exercises in futility...but I can't know that till I've already spent a bunch of time and money with one. I also know there's no "right" choice, given the super limited information I have in this position; there's only the choice I feel now is superior, and right or wrong only really exist with retroactive labelling of the situation.

If they were both free or nearly it wouldn't be such a dilemma. Losing some time when I have little else to do is one thing, but losing time and money? This is just another fucking brilliant example of my "life is an inescapable casino" allegory. Ugh.

Any thoughtful feedback would be appreciated.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Can you ask your housemates to give you privacy or do you not want them to know you are getting therapy? Because in the absence of any other substantial differences I would have to advise the cheaper one.

 

[whywere]

First, you are giving recovery ago, outstanding! I am NOT pro anything, but I always think and feel that trying gives one idea, and options.

I have had lots of therapists through the years and of course money comes into play, but my experiences always seemed to be if I got a comfortable vibe and thought that not only, I could work with the person, but the outcome is a positive and workable long-term solution then I would go for it.

I will give my example of a pain doctor. Different than a therapist, but still working with another soul to try and help me. After my car crash, I went to 3 different pain clinics and the vibe and attitude from the provider made me puke. It was all about them having control over me, do this, do that. Then on the 4th try of trying to find a GOOD pain doctor, on the 1st visit, in fact the very 1st thing that the pain doctor said to me was, what did I think and what would I like to do and/or try, PERFECT!

In fact, just thought of it, it was 100% the same with my mental health doctor, found one who was interested in helping me, not just proving how arrogant the person could be.

Sending you lots and lots of huge hugs and I will have you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out fantastic for you!

Walter

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Can you ask your housemates to give you privacy or do you not want them to know you are getting therapy? Because in the absence of any other substantial differences I would have to advise the cheaper one.

I don't care if they know, but one of them has been resistant to give me the amount of privacy I'd need to be totally comfortable in the past (who annoyingly enough is the one who intermittently asks the entire house to make no sound for perods of time to record audition tapes). Plus I actively prefer in person options; I hate interfacing over a screen, though sometimes leaving home is challenging. Going with the former person gives me both options, which is a plus.

First, you are giving recovery ago, outstanding! I am NOT pro anything, but I always think and feel that trying gives one idea, and options.

I have had lots of therapists through the years and of course money comes into play, but my experiences always seemed to be if I got a comfortable vibe and thought that not only, I could work with the person, but the outcome is a positive and workable long-term solution then I would go for it.

I will give my example of a pain doctor. Different than a therapist, but still working with another soul to try and help me. After my car crash, I went to 3 different pain clinics and the vibe and attitude from the provider made me puke. It was all about them having control over me, do this, do that. Then on the 4th try of trying to find a GOOD pain doctor, on the 1st visit, in fact the very 1st thing that the pain doctor said to me was, what did I think and what would I like to do and/or try, PERFECT!

In fact, just thought of it, it was 100% the same with my mental health doctor, found one who was interested in helping me, not just proving how arrogant the person could be.

Sending you lots and lots of huge hugs and I will have you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out fantastic for you!

Walter

Thank you Walter yes, I haven't totally resigned to quit existing (yet) though I am far closer now than ever, lol. It is as you say - the personal dynamic is crucial. It's hard to be sure here cause I had three times as much time to get a sense of the one I felt to be "better"...would I have felt worse about her if it was only 15 minutes, like the other? Would I have felt better about the 15 minute session's provider with 45? Too many unknowns to make a fully informed decision. So it can't be, and that is a sore spot. But I have time to mull it over.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't care if they know, but one of them has been resistant to give me the amount of privacy I'd need to be totally comfortable in the past (who annoyingly enough is the one who intermittently asks the entire house to make no sound for perods of time to record audition tapes). Plus I actively prefer in person options; I hate interfacing over a screen, though sometimes leaving home is challenging. Going with the former person gives me both options, which is a plus.

It sounds like you have your decision made then. I just advised the cheaper option because in my ample experience therapy often is fruitless, and from what you shared that doesn't sound too unlikely in your case. Which is why I advised minimizing how much you end up paying.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Well, I decided to go with the more expensive one; in part because of the vibe/what I could ascertain, but in part because she's a doctoral student while the other (and most other discount options) was only master's. Hopefully more knowledge and experience without having the years to become jaded and set in her ways. We have a session tomorrow. If this all leads to nothing I don't know what I'll do.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Good luck with your session tomorrow, sounds like you made a good choice but if you find that you don't feel comfortable with her you can always change therapists, I never had any luck with them but I hope it works out for you.

 

[freedomcalls]

I was going to suggest going with the one you connected more with…, I think that's really important.
You are taking a really positive step & I wish you well with it… I've found some real insight and comfort from a couple of therapists in the past & I do believe it can help

Wishing you well

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Good luck with your session tomorrow, sounds like you made a good choice but if you find that you don't feel comfortable with her you can always change therapists, I never had any luck with them but I hope it works out for you.

I was going to suggest going with the one you connected more with…, I think that's really important.
You are taking a really positive step & I wish you well with it… I've found some real insight and comfort from a couple of therapists in the past & I do believe it can help

Wishing you well

Thank you both. It was really nice to read those messages (nemo I can't tag you lol). As I expected I spent almost the entire session catching her up on all the shit she needs to know just as background, but I was able to get through it all in one go (instead of three like with the last person). We "meet" again next week before going bi-monthly, so it'll be then when the dirt really starts to come out and we see how she deals with it.

Lovely personality, just unsure of how practical it'll all be. Here's hoping.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I was meaning to ask you about this, it's a good sign that she didn't drag out the first session like some therapists deliberately do. It might take a few more sessions before you know if she's equipped to help you, hope the second one goes well too. If nothing else, at least you'll know you tried. If you don't find her helpful will you try the other therapist? (I think you'd need to copy and paste my username to tag me).

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm not getting ahead of myself at all in any way, but at least I can say I'm "trying".

Both were from home and offer reduced rates. One gave me a full free 50-minute intro session and I got a pretty good vibe from, but charges a third more money than the other, who felt okay (it was only 15 minutes though) and whose practice is at the ends of the earth, meaning in-person would never be an option. A big strike against - backing myself into the quiet corner of the basement so my housemates won't hear me isn't the most fun.

I'm stuck between which one to choose, because I know both or either could end up being exercises in futility...but I can't know that till I've already spent a bunch of time and money with one. I also know there's no "right" choice, given the super limited information I have in this position; there's only the choice I feel now is superior, and right or wrong only really exist with retroactive labelling of the situation.

If they were both free or nearly it wouldn't be such a dilemma. Losing some time when I have little else to do is one thing, but losing time and money? This is just another fucking brilliant example of my "life is an inescapable casino" allegory. Ugh.

Any thoughtful feedback would be appreciated.

God bless you for trying to get better.

 

[chloramine]

It sounds like you went with the first option which does sound like a better fit. It sucks that it's more money, but better to actually get something out of it than pay less and not. I hope they're able to help you.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

I was meaning to ask you about this, it's a good sign that she didn't drag out the first session like some therapists deliberately do. It might take a few more sessions before you know if she's equipped to help you, hope the second one goes well too. If nothing else, at least you'll know you tried. If you don't find her helpful will you try the other therapist? (I think you'd need to copy and paste my username to tag me).

I actually tried that but maybe cause I'm using a browser that doesn't recognize the symbols, it didn't even work haha. Quote it is, in this case not awkwardly! I decided to cram the first three sessions once per week before making them less frequent for money's sake. I spent the whole second session giving the rundown of the general reasons why I am where I am and (easily) took the reigns today when she suggested starting with some seemingly inconsequential stuff cause I needed to get out some specific dark shit I want to focus on to start. She stayed on the line like 25 extra minutes so I could get it all out and was responding rather kindly.

I told her from the get-go I'm "passively suicidal" and turns out she is particularly interested in working with people who are. She also seems pretty keen on meeting me where I'm at and figuring out things together as opposed to forcing modalities or strategies onto me, and also has been responding well when I preemptively say things like "just so you know, most people in my situation don't want to hear platitudes like 'you're so strong'". We also jointly took the piss out of the DSM for a bit today which was nice and made me laugh.

It sounds like you went with the first option which does sound like a better fit. It sucks that it's more money, but better to actually get something out of it than pay less and not. I hope they're able to help you.

Yeah, this was my thinking more or less. As I said it's a gamble. but better to make a higher bet on a seemingly-better option.

 

[jodes2]

A massive, massive well done for getting into therapy get the most you can out of them, and dump one and move on the moment it's not working for you. Write lists in the time between visits listing what you might discuss, and prioritise it, don't focus too much on stuff in the past, or issues you're happy to just vent online about

 

[Rounded Apathy]

A massive, massive well done for getting into therapy get the most you can out of them, and dump one and move on the moment it's not working for you. Write lists in the time between visits listing what you might discuss, and prioritise it, don't focus too much on stuff in the past, or issues you're happy to just vent online about

I'd really appreciate not being told how and how not to conduct myself in my sessions which I'm already very clear on what I need from, thanks. Don't need this kind of triggering reply at all, in my recovery thread of all places ffs

 

[jodes2]

I'd really appreciate not being told how and how not to conduct myself in my sessions which I'm already very clear on what I need from, thanks. Don't need this kind of triggering reply at all, in my recovery thread of all places ffs

Wtf??? You have LOST ME. Completely and utterly. I did nothing wrong, you wanted ADVICE FFS. Whatever block me and I'll do the same to you. You triggered ME. Now go away thank you

 

[whitefeather]

Sunshine is the therapist I need ...