M
Minas
Member
- Jun 14, 2024
- 24
I don't even know why i feel this way anymore, it comes as naturally as the instinct to eat or breed. Is this a bad sign? What if in a few years I'll completly forget what even happened to turn me this way?
I don't fully understand why i want to ruin my own body and splatter my brains, I just feel like it will be "correct", feel like progress, and hopefully make me feel happy. It's less of a "solution" now and more of a desire.
And if i'm slowly finding these urges more and more normal, what if whatever is convincing me not to do it doesn't feels effective anymore? If the pleas of the only person who truly loves me start feeling like lies, or just... nothing at all.
There are already times i admit to her that I'm not feeling anything when she treats me "like i should be treated". It feels like if i go through with more pain, I'll feel more.
I don't fully understand why i want to ruin my own body and splatter my brains, I just feel like it will be "correct", feel like progress, and hopefully make me feel happy. It's less of a "solution" now and more of a desire.
And if i'm slowly finding these urges more and more normal, what if whatever is convincing me not to do it doesn't feels effective anymore? If the pleas of the only person who truly loves me start feeling like lies, or just... nothing at all.
There are already times i admit to her that I'm not feeling anything when she treats me "like i should be treated". It feels like if i go through with more pain, I'll feel more.
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