Venting Guilty about suicide after failed attempt

[og.]

probably almost a year ago i failed a suicide attenpt and my family had to call an ambulance against my will and a miserable day with cries and screaming and insults

now I feel like I ruined all chance to suicide and my family are still suspicious of me with pills and whatnot but thats not the issue my main wish was to make it look like a natural death but now no matter what the first thing they will think of is suicide and i feel like now it will affect them way worse which makes me feel really horrible about the whole thing like im a really bad person
i wish my first attempt was successful and I didn't have to deal with all this

 

[didntmeantohauntyou]

Im so sorry. This is exactly why im scared to fail an attempt. I hope youre able to find a way to overcome your guilt and try again, theres no good reason to live for anyone besides yourself

 

[Mxverick]

At least they care about you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What you have to go through is so awful. You do not have to feel guilty it's your choice whether you want to CTB or not. The problem is caused by your family not accepting your desire bc death isn't seen as a good thing within the anti-suicidce society we are living in. I can imagine how difficult it is for you now. I hope you can find a way whatever you may decide to do. I wish you all the best!

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible situation, I see it as being so inhumane how we cannot just leave this world in peace in a guaranteed way, failing a suicide attempt is what terrifies me, it's terrifying how trying to die can just lead to more suffering.

 

[SolomonKado]

are you feeling guilty because of what your family has said to you? Did they try to emphasize how you're going to "hurt" them?

They should have been a lot more compassionate. What passes for "at least they care about you" isn't what it really sounds like. Family can be grossly mean to the ones they say they love. It really seems they don't by the way they treat you. If I'm wrong and it was all hugs, tears, and I love you's then good. If it wasn't and it seemed more malicious then I'm sorry you went through that. Many think of what you're doing as how it will affect them and not the pain and sorrow you've had to deal with that led you to something like that. Many tend to react selfishly because that's who they think about. Sadly that's normal and it makes me want to go even more. You can be as selfless as you want and many people will still talk about themselves.

I hope, for your sake, whatever path you choose you can find the peace you're looking for. Just don't rush into things. Take some time and put some effort into whatever path you choose. You deserve that much.