Guilt

[js927?!]

Does anyone else have kids and a very loving partner, family and friends? I feel guilty leaving them. But I know it's for the best. It's my daughters birthday in 6 days do I wait, or just get it over and done with.

I have tried so hard, I'm under an intensive team. They won't give me anything to calm me they just keep putting up the meds up which I've stated do not work. I'm done and so desperate.

 

[SpinTop555]

I have a child, my ex left me a few weeks ago, I am doing a terrible of job of being a mother, being engulfed by grief, barely functioning, she deserves better, she deserves to be with him and his new partner and kids, at least she will be happy and I know she'll be well looked after with them. They don't have mental illness as far as I'm aware. I don't feel strong enough or good enough to continue living. I always knew if he left me I wouldn't be able to cope, he always said he'd never leave, but now my life has crumbled around me. I drove him away. I am a monster. My daughter deserves better than me, better than I could ever give her.

 

[Pookie]

It's a very personal decision and no one can make that for you, but if I had a child I would wait until after her birthday at least. Her birthday will be ruined by your death which is a time that's supposed to be exciting for little kids.

This team that you're talking about, are they aware that you're suicidal?

 

[js927?!]

Hey pookie, thank you so much for your reply. I think that is a good idea, she won't even remember me, she will be turning 4.

They are aware I said how desperate I was today, and they still put medication up which I made very clear does not work. They wouldn't even prescribe any lorazepam.

Thank you again for your reply.

 

[sadworld]

I would wait until after her birthday if I were you. It's a very personal decision tho. It will probably be really hard to leave your child on this cruel, cold world. I'm so sorry... I hope everything works out for you! Sending big and !!

 

[Pookie]

Hey pookie, thank you so much for your reply. I think that is a good idea, she won't even remember me, she will be turning 4.

They are aware I said how desperate I was today, and they still put medication up which I made very clear does not work. They wouldn't even prescribe any lorazepam.

Thank you again for your reply.

You're welcome. I don't understand why they won't prescribe you Lorezapam. Not even short- term? Is there any other doctor you can ask to prescribe you Lorazepam? I guess your conscience won't be as burdened if you hang around till after your daughter's birthday.

 

[js927?!]

They are concerned because it is addictive. They gave me some for a few days, but he would not prescribe anymore. No I don't have anyone else, my doctor won't go against what he's said.

yes it's going to be so hard, I'm so desperate, I've had enough now, I have bipolar type 2 I've been in a depressed state for 5 months now, and the worse thing is knowing this will continue to happen, I really don't see the point.

I would wait until after her birthday if I were you. It's a very personal decision tho. It will probably be really hard to leave your child on this cruel, cold world. I'm so sorry... I hope everything works out for you! Sending big and !!

Ok, I think that would be for the best, I just don't want to ruin her birthday, I'm just in tears constantly, my children deserve so much better. It's not fair on them seeing their mom like this. Aww thank you, sending lots of love your way .

 

[justsad&done]

Yes, I understand your feelings of guilt because of your children. It is overwhelming and I'm sorry for your suffering. I can really relate. And although it is going to be impossibly difficult no matter when you do it, I would wait until at least a week after her birthday so that in years to come the few days surrounding her birthday can be her own with your death as separate as can be. Hugs

 

[js927?!]

Hey justsad&done. Thank you if I knew they'd be ok, it would make it so much easier. Thank you so much for your kind words. I think that is a good idea, I'd hate to ruin her birthday even when I'm no longer here.