Help Guilt

[OthelloToOblivion]

(might trigger - abuse, death, suicide) I'm stuck at the moment. My dad told me a bit about his past, and it turns out he had another son, which i knew. What i did not know however was that Dylan, his son, was killed at a very young age (he still won't tell me what age) by domestic violence. He was taken by his mum after someone called about something. his mums boyfriend at the time used to hit him, he used to turn up on dads doorstep in nothing but dirty shorts and tshirt and every time, dad used to go out and buy him clothes for the week he was there. he would turn up with bruises everywhere, black and blue. Then basically one night, the boyfriend was drinking, i think? but he threw Dylan across the room into the bathroom. they think he was knocked out, they don't know. he may also have just been too weak to get up. there was some water in the bath, and he drowned. When the coroner had to do the report on Dylan, he handed in his resignation the same morning the case arrived because of basically the horrifics of the case. The mum refused to let him be buried in the city where he grew up, instead forced him to be buried where she had moved to about three months ago. All his family was in the city, but he was buried six hours away in this tiny town. After the funeral, dad just wanted to be left alone, but people refused because they thought he'd drive into a wall on his motorbike at 100km/h. I don't want to put him through that again. I also don't want to put mum through that, especially when she attempted when she was much younger (i believe. i don't actually get told any of this). i don't know if i want to ctb anymore, but i don't know what else i am. i'm nothing without that being who i am. i'm not failing school, just average marks. there's nothing extreme about me and i don't understand how i don't just get completely forgotten

 

[overandout]

(might trigger - abuse, death, suicide) I'm stuck at the moment. My dad told me a bit about his past, and it turns out he had another son, which i knew. What i did not know however was that Dylan, his son, was killed at a very young age (he still won't tell me what age) by domestic violence. He was taken by his mum after someone called about something. his mums boyfriend at the time used to hit him, he used to turn up on dads doorstep in nothing but dirty shorts and tshirt and every time, dad used to go out and buy him clothes for the week he was there. he would turn up with bruises everywhere, black and blue. Then basically one night, the boyfriend was drinking, i think? but he threw Dylan across the room into the bathroom. they think he was knocked out, they don't know. he may also have just been too weak to get up. there was some water in the bath, and he drowned. When the coroner had to do the report on Dylan, he handed in his resignation the same morning the case arrived because of basically the horrifics of the case. The mum refused to let him be buried in the city where he grew up, instead forced him to be buried where she had moved to about three months ago. All his family was in the city, but he was buried six hours away in this tiny town. After the funeral, dad just wanted to be left alone, but people refused because they thought he'd drive into a wall on his motorbike at 100km/h. I don't want to put him through that again. I also don't want to put mum through that, especially when she attempted when she was much younger (i believe. i don't actually get told any of this). i don't know if i want to ctb anymore, but i don't know what else i am. i'm nothing without that being who i am. i'm not failing school, just average marks. there's nothing extreme about me and i don't understand how i don't just get completely forgotten

What brings you here? Sounds like your Dad went through a lot. What do you mean by don't know what else I am? What makes you want to ctb?

 

[Rachel74]

I know it sounds awful but if you are in pain you can't stay around for your parents.