Guilt of lying

[311]

Everyone has to lie a bit in the days proceeding ctb and its eating me up. Having to lie to my mother and my doctor is killing me. Anyone else experience this?

 

[bigj75]

of course. Having to lie eats away at your soul.

 

[Empty Smile]

Well if you tell them the truth, you know what's gonna happen.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

Yes. I have an appointment with my mental health intensive case management (MHICM) case worker on THURSDAY. She usually asks if I've had suicidal thoughts. She also asks if I have a suicide plan in place. I need to tell her no--although I plan to attempt to ctb this SATURDAY with CO in my car. I hate lying to her, she's so nice. I am going to call my sisters and Mother before--maybe on Thursday. But it'll be just like any other phone call. I'm not dropping any hints about trying to ctb on Saturday. I really hate lying to my family. Or omitting details. Sigh.

 

[bigj75]

Well if you tell them the truth, you know what's gonna happen.

yes. Lying is the lesser of the two evils.

 

[311]

I just snorted oxy. Fuck I'm a wreck

 

[Didymus]

Everyone has to lie a bit in the days proceeding ctb and its eating me up. Having to lie to my mother and my doctor is killing me. Anyone else experience this?

My mother is 81 and it hurts me so much thinking and planning to ctb and lying to my mother when she asks me if everything is ok. I constantly think about the sorrow I will cause her when I'm found.

 

[bigj75]

I just snorted oxy. Fuck I'm a wreck

 

[Eden2k]

I don't feel any guilt for not telling my nearest and dearest of my plans (that would be foolish and pointless) but I do feel guilt for how it will affect those I leave behind. I feel guilt when I look into their eyes and have conversations about our plans for Christmas and the New Year. I feel guilty, when my 7-year old cousin, tells me he can't wait for me to watch him in his first Christmas school play this week. I feel guilty that my therapist sees hope in me where there isn't any. I feel guilty that I haven't been able to navigate through life in tact. I just feel guilty!

 

[Shewaitsforme]

I have guilt about lying, lied so well i was discharged out of the hospital, discharged from the home mental health treatment team, doctor no longer calls me in. Then i wanted to get help and now i cant they think im not sick enough i think. I jad to lie because i didnt want work to find out (NHS job) and i thought if i could get back into work id be fine, 5 months later they still wont allow me back to work so i have zero support apart from calling the sactuary if i feel unsafe

 

[Crest33]

Strangely I'm not affected by any of this. I just don't have real connections with like anyone. And I'm not that material ether. I'm just ice cold i guess. Of life made me this way.

 

[[NoName]]

Everyone has to lie a bit in the days proceeding ctb and its eating me up. Having to lie to my mother and my doctor is killing me. Anyone else experience this?

I'm far out from ctb so my experience may change later.

But I have no issue lying to my doctor about being suicidal. This could get me put into a hospital against my will.

 

[Moony21]

I feel guilt... so much because of my husband. He try's a lot to motivate me or just lie with me and hold my hand when I'm down. I am very thankful but at same time it mades me sad as hell because he is so
cheerful and the optimist himself. I wish him so much that when I'm gone, he finds someone who loves life as much as he does.

 

[15dec]

I feel awful acting happy to all my family and friends, talking to mental health workers and telling them I'm hanging on waiting for treatment or whatever. It's gonna destroy my loved ones when I suddenly ctb and they thought I was getting better.

 

[Made4TV]

I feel horrible about it. It's really super hard for me to lie.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

I feel that way about leaving my husband behind. I feel like I have to put on a show so he doesn't suspect anything is wrong. He's been through so much with me and my mental illnesses that I feel he deserves better. He doesn't see it this way and won't let me divorce him. Ctb feels like the only way I can free him...

But here's a question; is hesitation about your plans and lying to loved one means we should still hold out for hope, or is it a survival instinct? What say you?

 

[15dec]

I feel that way about leaving my husband behind. I feel like I have to put on a show so he doesn't suspect anything is wrong. He's been through so much with me and my mental illnesses that I feel he deserves better. He doesn't see it this way and won't let me divorce him. Ctb feels like the only way I can free him...

But here's a question; is hesitation about your plans and lying to loved one means we should still hold out for hope, or is it a survival instinct? What say you?

Personally I think hesitation is a mix of survival instinct/fear of death and guilt of what loved ones will go through. At least in my case

 

[Jenna]

I feel that way about leaving my husband behind. I feel like I have to put on a show so he doesn't suspect anything is wrong. He's been through so much with me and my mental illnesses that I feel he deserves better. He doesn't see it this way and won't let me divorce him. Ctb feels like the only way I can free him...

i feel like I could have written that myself.

 

[johnny]

I don't care about small lies as to my whereabouts or anything like that. I just feel really guilty cause I know my death would crush my mom....ugh..

 

[Lifeisatrap]

You have no choice but to lie sadly. If only we lived in a truly mature society where death was accepted as apart of life, and we were free to choose whether to stay or go.