Isadeth
Visionary
- Jun 12, 2020
- 2,538
How do you overcome guilt of ctb?
It's no secret I've been contemplating my exit. But due to this, my husband tries his best to "fix" me. Unfortunately, this fix isn't as simple as he thinks. A good day here and there... a nice family outing... a quiet movie... he believes these are the answer. They aren't. I love my family dearly but those days and events aren't keeping me here longer. What has kept me here is guilt.
I feel guilty for leaving my family since watching the hurt my father in law's death had on everyone when he ctb. I feel guilty for still planning my exit as I comfort my husband regarding his father. As he cries, I try to hold him and tell him it'll be okay, but I keep thinking of the extra pain I'll pass onto him.
Is this the "selfish" side that many talk about for those that ctb? Because I just want my own pain to stop. But I take into consideration his pain too, and there lies more guilt.
How long in his grieving process do I just say, "you're good now, I love you, bye!" Or am I trapped to keep helping him work through it? I feel obligated. I feel obligated to bring him as full circle as I can before departing. If that is even possible.
Will I ever not feel obligated out of guilt? Can this be overcome?
I've written before about how I'm jealous of my father in law. I'm angry and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that he succeeded, I'm angry that he went before I could, and I'm angry he left me with this guilt to try to fix what he left behind him.
Has anyone else experienced this? How are you overcoming it, if at all?
I'm tired. I am tired of the obligation. And to top it off, my dying mother in law states how grateful she is of me for sticking by her son and helping everyone through it, and for eventually when it's her time to pass too.
There's just guilt everywhere. When does it end?
It's no secret I've been contemplating my exit. But due to this, my husband tries his best to "fix" me. Unfortunately, this fix isn't as simple as he thinks. A good day here and there... a nice family outing... a quiet movie... he believes these are the answer. They aren't. I love my family dearly but those days and events aren't keeping me here longer. What has kept me here is guilt.
I feel guilty for leaving my family since watching the hurt my father in law's death had on everyone when he ctb. I feel guilty for still planning my exit as I comfort my husband regarding his father. As he cries, I try to hold him and tell him it'll be okay, but I keep thinking of the extra pain I'll pass onto him.
Is this the "selfish" side that many talk about for those that ctb? Because I just want my own pain to stop. But I take into consideration his pain too, and there lies more guilt.
How long in his grieving process do I just say, "you're good now, I love you, bye!" Or am I trapped to keep helping him work through it? I feel obligated. I feel obligated to bring him as full circle as I can before departing. If that is even possible.
Will I ever not feel obligated out of guilt? Can this be overcome?
I've written before about how I'm jealous of my father in law. I'm angry and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that he succeeded, I'm angry that he went before I could, and I'm angry he left me with this guilt to try to fix what he left behind him.
Has anyone else experienced this? How are you overcoming it, if at all?
I'm tired. I am tired of the obligation. And to top it off, my dying mother in law states how grateful she is of me for sticking by her son and helping everyone through it, and for eventually when it's her time to pass too.
There's just guilt everywhere. When does it end?