You're not a failure if you have succeeded this far in staying alive. : ) I hope I don't make you feel any worse or offended. I understand your pain. My original CTB date had been on my birthday last year since it's like the worst day ever but things never go as planned.
Happy Birthday
I can't grant you any wishes but I can be here if you need someone.
BTW,
@Dead_Inside Have you seen Muse live? They were in my city a few days ago but I totally forgot to buy tickets and by the time I remembered, it was over.
I've seen them live before though, it was awesome. However, never going to do floor tickets again. People touch you.
I have not seen Muse live. People touch you?? Guess that could be good or bad depending.....
Thank you for the birthday wishes. I am having such a hard time lately. It's hard to have a birthday in the middle of whatever is wrong with me...I really did think last year was my last birthday- I did a lot of nice stuff for myself. I had intended to die on April 7th so it was like a month of being good to me as best I could. Then I was supposed to end it and be at peace. So waking up was ... well literally hardest thing. But thank you - I don't have anyone in my life who understands and only two people remembered my birthday (well my mom remembered today finally). So that was actually really nice to see someone here say that to me.
Thank you- that means a lot.
@ willow @ 21neberg : I try not to be so insane about failing. I just don't know what else to do with the regret.... I blame the other person who interfered but really I fucked it up. I am just ashamed of me, I am embarrassed that I could be found alive like that.
I am always sorry to hear that any one else has ever experience that kind of failure- I would wish that on no one. Waking up the next day.... I truly thought I would die from sadness. Sometimes I can't believe it now- I keep hoping this is all just some pathetic purgatory.
Thank you both. I was nice to get a reply to my insanity.
Birthdays suck even when you're not depressed. I always think one more year of a wasted life.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
Why does life have to hurt so much? Today is exactly 9 months since my beloved died.
I am still alive too, even though every day is agony. Why do we do it? Some spark of hope that we don't even know we have? Or just fear? I don't know.
Pm me if you want to chat.
Birthdays are very difficult... I can't believe I ever use to like them. Feels like some other person, some other life.
I am sorry for your loss.... how did they pass if you don't mind my asking?
I say I am still here because I am researching my next method.... but in a lot of ways I think I am a bit traumatized by the previous attempts. To walk to the edge of death willingly and fail twice.... It takes something from you. I can not fail the next time.
Thank you for talking to me- it helps. I don't have anywhere to go with this crazy shit in my head so sometimes it just gets dumped here.
