Starfire
just here to vent
- Nov 3, 2020
- 34
C o n f e s s i o n # 1 :
It's hard to live with my religious parents, especially when I've finally been found out to be really fucked up. All these depression, anxiety, bpd, and bipolar sht gave them more reason to shove their doctrines down my throat. They see every manic attacks and panic attacks as an opportunity to slap me with their "holy" verses like I never lived my whole life hearing those. It's tiring. I've been tossed around people saying I only need Him to know where I am going. People didn't even realize that I believe in Him but not in the way they are trying to make me. They never knew how frustrating it is to force their beliefs to someone who has their own set of beliefs too.
So, I took up the course. Just to understand myself, at least. I heard they can help. Unfortunate me, no one helped. Or maybe because I'm just starting, but i don't think I can ever wait to finish and become one for myself. I don't think I ever want to become one. That's why I secretly doubt the suicide hotlines will help. That the next psychiatrist will be different. I started to deem that the world is fucked up by itself to understand another kind of fucked up. The cycle is tiring.
So, maybe I really am ungrateful. Hypocrite; a disgrace to this path I've chosen, even. I'll take that.
People told me I never asked for help but I did. I did. Looking for it made it worse, however.
It's hard to live with my religious parents, especially when I've finally been found out to be really fucked up. All these depression, anxiety, bpd, and bipolar sht gave them more reason to shove their doctrines down my throat. They see every manic attacks and panic attacks as an opportunity to slap me with their "holy" verses like I never lived my whole life hearing those. It's tiring. I've been tossed around people saying I only need Him to know where I am going. People didn't even realize that I believe in Him but not in the way they are trying to make me. They never knew how frustrating it is to force their beliefs to someone who has their own set of beliefs too.
So, I took up the course. Just to understand myself, at least. I heard they can help. Unfortunate me, no one helped. Or maybe because I'm just starting, but i don't think I can ever wait to finish and become one for myself. I don't think I ever want to become one. That's why I secretly doubt the suicide hotlines will help. That the next psychiatrist will be different. I started to deem that the world is fucked up by itself to understand another kind of fucked up. The cycle is tiring.
So, maybe I really am ungrateful. Hypocrite; a disgrace to this path I've chosen, even. I'll take that.
People told me I never asked for help but I did. I did. Looking for it made it worse, however.