Group Discussion for Sexual Harassment Victims

[Water-Lily]

This is something I thought about doing due to personal experiences. I want to note in no way is this me putting down SS. Sexual harassment happens everywhere both online and offline. Overall, SS provides a space to talk openly about suicide without any shame or judgement and I appreciate it for this very reason. However I wanted to talk about my experience with sexual harassment here and create a space for people who also struggle with the same thing.

I have had a few experiences of sexual harassment. One of which really affected me and still leaves me uncomfortable to this day. I was asked for pictures randomly and felt as if I was being forced to do so. I declined, reported and blocked the individual. However, they proceeded to harass me on my posts and threatened me not report them again. After more reporting, they eventually left me alone. However the incident still affects me and I always panic when I see them in passing. It makes me wonder how many people have also dealt with similar experiences. Ideally I would like to create a group of some sorts though I am not sure how to go about it. What I will do is leave this thread here for anyone who wants to share their thoughts. If anyone wants to reach out to me to discuss this and share their experiences/ideas for a group, I would be glad to listen. I think talking openly about abuse helps and can allow people to feel more connected and safe.

 

[mold]

I made a post detailing on my abuser a few minutes ago in recovery, and my situation may not be the same as yours, but I do get the feeling of being online and catching glimpses of them and feeling anxious. Even if someone vaguely talks like them I feel anxious.

As for creating a group of some sorts I assume most people use Instagram/Twitter/Discord lately, so maybe there? I'm not a social media expert, but I like your idea :)

 

[Water-Lily]

I made a post detailing on my abuser a few minutes ago in recovery, and my situation may not be the same as yours, but I do get the feeling of being online and catching glimpses of them and feeling anxious. Even if someone vaguely talks like them I feel anxious.

As for creating a group of some sorts I assume most people use Instagram/Twitter/Discord lately, so maybe there? I'm not a social media expert, but I like your idea :)

I probably should look into a Discord. I'll see how this thread goes and that can help me determine the best course of action. I'll also check our your post. I feel bad that you also suffered *hugs*

 

[Life_and_Death]

There are sexual harassment ect forums.

 

[Water-Lily]

There are sexual harassment ect forums.

I haven't noticed any behavior as of late, however I have seen some questionable things on forums here and there.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I haven't noticed any behavior as of late, however I have seen some questionable things on forums here and there.

Im not sure you understood what i meant.
Theres specific forums for r*pe victims ect

 

[Water-Lily]

Im not sure you understood what i meant.
Theres specific forums for r*pe victims ect

Oh my goodness. Thank you for clarifying. And yes that is true. I was thinking of more so making a place for people from SS to talk about their experiences. I was thinking along the lines of a Discord group or something.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I was thinking of more so making a place for people from SS to talk about their experiences. I was thinking along the lines of a Discord group or something.

This isnt a bad idea. Im curious what a mod thinks.

Im also curious about it getting abused. Look at what happened with "little amy", i think his name was

 

[Meditation guide]

If you open a discord on it I would be interested. My college counselor was at it in my first year of college. I then transferred to a women's college. A couple of male teachers did too.

 

[Water-Lily]

This isnt a bad idea. Im curious what a mod thinks.

Im also curious about it getting abused. Look at what happened with "little amy", i think his name was

Right. I hope he is no longer on the site. I have not interacted with him personally (at least I hope I didn't) but he seems very problematic. And it getting abused is a definite issue to take into account. I more or less want to dip my feet into it and see what comes out of it. Hopefully a mod agrees to my idea.

 

[BlankUser]

I've experienced a lot of sexual violence throughout my life. As a kid and as an adult. I think this thread is a good idea.

 

[Water-Lily]

I've experienced a lot of sexual violence throughout my life. As a kid and as an adult. I think this thread is a good idea.

I am thankful to have not experienced CSA but that changed when I turned 20. Sexual assault in college broke me. And some creepy experiences here took place. Only thing I experience now is the cat calling (creeps). I'm always so afraid of being groped or whatever now.

 

[BlankUser]

Sexual assault in college broke me.

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to talk about things like that. Assaults and sexual harassment messed me up big time. Not even sure if I could share those horrible stories. Lately I experienced a lot of sexual harassment at the gym. I had a few stalkers who used to leave creepy notes in my gym bag, then stalked me outside the gym, said and did disturbing things to me, things were escalating fast... I even switched the gym.

 

[Rayzieka]

Id call my situation more of being stalked than sexually harassed - though he's made comments on my butt before and grabbed my hair -
He lives three doors down and while I was working at the gas station down the road he would come in every day I worked and take advantage of my being 18-20 and talk for hours because I didn't know I could tell people to fuck off.
He eventually started bringing in gifts and creepy things and leaving gifts on my doorstep, including a pillow with my name on it that he made and a locket with both of our names in it. He continued for a year- following me home at night on his bike and offering me rides.
Telling me extremely personal information to the point where I eventually told him to stop talking to me since he had found my phone number and started texting me angrily about seeing me speaking to another male outside of work. Texting insane things about how he would be so much better for me, etc. What really drew the line before I went to the police was he burst in one night with flowers, chocolate and a poem.
The poem rhymed my name with kidneys. It was about how he wanted to give me his kidneys. So I brought it to the police and blocked his number. They told me they went to his house and told him not to speak to me anymore. He came in while I was working everyday and a co worker would rush me to the back room to avoid him. He eventually wrote hate letters to my coworkers for 'keeping me from him'.
It calmed down until last year on my birthday he walked past my house singing happy birthday.
I've kept a big distance from him but he will cross the street to be closer to me and try to say hello- so I just don't walk to the store anymore.
It played a big part in the decline in my mental health and I hate him for all the anxiety and fear he gave me every night I walked home alone to hear him ride up behind me and shout my name in the pitch dark.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to talk about things like that. Assaults and sexual harassment messed me up big time. Not even sure if I could share those horrible stories. Lately I experienced a lot of sexual harassment at the gym. I had a few stalkers who used to leave creepy notes in my gym bag, then stalked me outside the gym, said and did disturbing things to me, things were escalating fast... I even switched the gym.

It really fucking upsets me that this shit happens to women and is so common. Like we can't exist without being objectified. Like when it's summer i cringe because i want to wear revealing clothes. I wore a short pants and short top last summer and some dumbass followed me into a grocery store. Honestly sometimes I wish I was a dude tbh (not implying men don't have their own problems i'm just talking from a place of being a woman). Also, this shit does trigger my suicide tendencies. I sometimes feel like, fuck, will I make it? People don't get how powerful actions are. One touch, one word, one phrase, one following incident. These actions fuck up so many women's lives and while a part of me wants to live, do I really want to live with all this pain and trauma too?

Id call my situation more of being stalked than sexually harassed - though he's made comments on my butt before and grabbed my hair -
He lives three doors down and while I was working at the gas station down the road he would come in every day I worked and take advantage of my being 18-20 and talk for hours because I didn't know I could tell people to fuck off.
He eventually started bringing in gifts and creepy things and leaving gifts on my doorstep, including a pillow with my name on it that he made and a locket with both of our names in it. He continued for a year- following me home at night on his bike and offering me rides.
Telling me extremely personal information to the point where I eventually told him to stop talking to me since he had found my phone number and started texting me angrily about seeing me speaking to another male outside of work. Texting insane things about how he would be so much better for me, etc. What really drew the line before I went to the police was he burst in one night with flowers, chocolate and a poem.
The poem rhymed my name with kidneys. It was about how he wanted to give me his kidneys. So I brought it to the police and blocked his number. They told me they went to his house and told him not to speak to me anymore. He came in while I was working everyday and a co worker would rush me to the back room to avoid him. He eventually wrote hate letters to my coworkers for 'keeping me from him'.
It calmed down until last year on my birthday he walked past my house singing happy birthday.
I've kept a big distance from him but he will cross the street to be closer to me and try to say hello- so I just don't walk to the store anymore.
It played a big part in the decline in my mental health and I hate him for all the anxiety and fear he gave me every night I walked home alone to hear him ride up behind me and shout my name in the pitch dark.

I want to reach through the screen and hug you. What that fucking creep did to you is not only disgusting but also traumatic. And i feel the police should have done much more. Like if a woman is being stalked cops will say "oh leave her alone" but they won't intervene or lock him up until a murder happens. That's usually how it goes. And when a woman chooses to retaliate all of a sudden she's a perpetrator. It's seriously why I don't want to live in this world. So much corruption and its like people would rather sit next to and have dinner with an abuser and not a victim in pain

For me, the sexual assault i experienced in college hurt. I felt the guy touch me when he hugged me and i called him out immediately. The room grew silent but i didn't care. He seemed caught off guard but tried to play it off. Then as we were walking home he walked super close to be and then when i got home confessed he got a boner. My mom at the time was pissed and told me to report the guy. So i did. My school didn't do much but he avoided me and i'm glad. Like he was scared about what i could do.

Some days i have mixed feelings about him. I mean what he did was traumatic and contributed greatly to flashbacks and my CTB desires. No doubt about that. And he was still a POS. Though, and I feel super vulnerable saying this, but I wonder if he genuinely wanted to fuck me up. Probably in his mind he didn't think of it highly until i made him scared.

 

[BlankUser]

It really fucking upsets me that this shit happens to women and is so common. Like we can't exist without being objectified. Like when it's summer i cringe because i want to wear revealing clothes. I wore a short pants and short top last summer and some dumbass followed me into a grocery store. Honestly sometimes I wish I was a dude tbh (not implying men don't have their own problems i'm just talking from a place of being a woman). Also, this shit does trigger my suicide tendencies. I sometimes feel like, fuck, will I make it? People don't get how powerful actions are. One touch, one word, one phrase, one following incident. These actions fuck up so many women's lives and while a part of me wants to live, do I really want to live with all this pain and trauma too?

For me, the sexual assault i experienced in college hurt. I felt the guy touch me when he hugged me and i called him out immediately. The room grew silent but i didn't care. He seemed caught off guard but tried to play it off. Then as we were walking home he walked super close to be and then when i got home confessed he got a boner. My mom at the time was pissed and told me to report the guy. So i did. My school didn't do much but he avoided me and i'm glad. Like he was scared about what i could do.

Sounds horrifying. No wonder you feel traumatized. Self-entitlement of some men is astonishing. I heard that it can get really bad at a college.
And it gets worse during spring and summer. And when women wear something a bit more revealing some men say "She's asking for it". No she's not, clothes are just an excuse to justify predatory behavior. When I go to the gym I don't even wear revealing clothes, I just wear an oversized shirt or a hoodie and I still got harassed really badly.
And it happened at the beach. One guy approached me, said something vulgar and spanked me. I was appalled, I wanted to punch him in the face.
Then another disturbing thing happened at the beach when I stayed for a bit too long there. It was a really nice evening and I wanted to watch the sunset, there weren't any people around and one guy approached me and started talking to me, then he pulled down his shorts and showed all his naked glory to me and sat down close to me. I freaked out and just froze for a while. I run off fast at the first chance I got.
Then one time I had to defend myself with a wooden bat against a predator who was like 6'3 and definitely over 200 lbs. It didn't work of course, he took that bat away and grabbed me. It was so messed up.
When you said that you sometimes wish you were a dude, I remember a strange thought I once had. That if I needed to go out late at night, maybe I should dress up as a man lol. But even with man's clothes on, I still look like a woman, so...

 

[Water-Lily]

Sounds horrifying. No wonder you feel traumatized. Self-entitlement of some men is astonishing. I heard that it can get really bad at a college.
And it gets worse during spring and summer. And when women wear something a bit more revealing some men say "She's asking for it". No she's not, clothes are just an excuse to justify predatory behavior. When I go to the gym I don't even wear revealing clothes, I just wear an oversized shirt or a hoodie and I still got harassed really badly.
And it happened at the beach. One guy approached me, said something vulgar and spanked me. I was appalled, I wanted to punch him in the face.
Then another disturbing thing happened at the beach when I stayed for a bit too long there. It was a really nice evening and I wanted to watch the sunset, there weren't any people around and one guy approached me and started talking to me, then he pulled down his shorts and showed all his naked glory to me and sat down close to me. I freaked out and just froze for a while. I run off fast at the first chance I got.
Then one time I had to defend myself with a wooden bat against a predator who was like 6'3 and definitely over 200 lbs. It didn't work of course, he took that bat away and grabbed me. It was so messed up.
When you said that you sometimes wish you were a dude, I remember a strange thought I once had. That if I needed to go out late at night, maybe I
should dress up as a man lol. But even with man's clothes on, I still look like a woman, so...

Men don't have to have the same fears we can. I am afraid to dress or work in certain places because men will see me as object. They will want to touch me and assault me and I feel the next assault I deal with will drive me to suicide. I cannot take pain anymore. Hell my dad goes for jogs at night. Granted my neighborhood is pretty chill even at night, but as a woman I cannot take that risk. I do not want to risk rape/murder/sexual assault, etc

I feel for your experiences. It sounds so scary. I always tell myself if I ever experience rape, that would be it. I give my heart out to victims of rape. I don't know if I can handle that.

In respect to college, I always felt alone. Like nobody related to me and my experince. Before I CTB, I want to know at least one person in my college who had a similar experince. I want to make a group anonymously, to find other victims at my college. To know in that year of suffering, that I was not alone. If I can find at least one person from my college like that, maybe I can rest somewhat easy.

 

[BlankUser]

Men don't have to have the same fears we can. I am afraid to dress or work in certain places because men will see me as object. They will want to touch me and assault me and I feel the next assault I deal with will drive me to suicide. I cannot take pain anymore. Hell my dad goes for jogs at night. Granted my neighborhood is pretty chill even at night, but as a woman I cannot take that risk. I do not want to risk rape/murder/sexual assault, etc

I feel for your experiences. It sounds so scary. I always tell myself if I ever experience rape, that would be it. I give my heart out to victims of rape. I don't know if I can handle that.

In respect to college, I always felt alone. Like nobody related to me and my experince. Before I CTB, I want to know at least one person in my college who had a similar experince. I want to make a group anonymously, to find other victims at my college. To know in that year of suffering, that I was not alone. If I can find at least one person from my college like that, maybe I can rest somewhat easy.

Definitely start an anonymous group. It seems that it could give you some peace of mind. I'm 99.99% sure you're not alone in this situation and if you could connect with someone from your environment it could help you to process the trauma.
Men also can be attacked at night, but they also have better chances to defend themselves. Where I live, statistics say that women are the most attacked ones though. When I go out for a walk in the park (even when it's not dark) I always try to remember to take something to defend myself. But it sucks, because it's illegal to carry pepper spray here.
I just sometimes don't understand, why did I attract so many sexual predators throughout my life. In my life, almost every woman I know had to deal with some type of sexual harassment. But no other woman that I personally know was treated as bad as me:( I had to deal with this shit for so many years... It messed me up a lot. So I completely understand you.

 

[Water-Lily]

Definitely start an anonymous group. It seems that it could give you some peace of mind. I'm 99.99% sure you're not alone in this situation and if you could connect with someone from your environment it could help you to process the trauma.
Men also can be attacked at night, but they also have better chances to defend themselves. Where I live, statistics say that women are the most attacked ones though. When I go out for a walk in the park (even when it's not dark) I always try to remember to take something to defend myself. But it sucks, because it's illegal to carry pepper spray here.
I just sometimes don't understand, why did I attract so many sexual predators throughout my life. In my life, almost every woman I know had to deal with some type of sexual harassment. But no other woman that I personally know was treated as bad as me:( I had to deal with this shit for so many years... It messed me up a lot. So I completely understand you.

That is fucked up. Not being allowed to bring pepper spray. So what are victims of abuse supposed to do? Take it? Victims are seen as more scary than the abusers since us victims represent the truth. The truth that society is not all "safe" and "perfect" people expect it to be. Society is filled with good things yes. It's not all bad. However there is a lot of abuse, corruption, and pain happening around us daily. But many would rather hide and pretend the abusers are good people even when deep down, they know they are full of shit.

I don't see it as people attracting bad people. I feel that bad things just happen sometimes. I know i feel that way. Like i am an abuse magnet. However I find it talking about our experiences, we learn that so many people just suffer. You are not alone .Thats the part of the healing. Knowing we are not alone.

 

[BlankUser]

That is fucked up. Not being allowed to bring pepper spray. So what are victims of abuse supposed to do? Take it? Victims are seen as more scary than the abusers since us victims represent the truth. The truth that society is not all "safe" and "perfect" people expect it to be. Society is filled with good things yes. It's not all bad. However there is a lot of abuse, corruption, and pain happening around us daily. But many would rather hide and pretend the abusers are good people even when deep down, they know they are full of shit.

I don't see it as people attracting bad people. I feel that bad things just happen sometimes. I know i feel that way. Like i am an abuse magnet. However I find it talking about our experiences, we learn that so many people just suffer. You are not alone .Thats the part of the healing. Knowing we are not alone.

Oh yeah. I've read one story about a girl who was attacked and almost raped. She had a pepper spray which is illegal, but she sprayed her attacker and was able to escape. Guess what happened? She was the one who got the penalty and her attacker got away easily. This made me so angry. So she would have been raped if she didn't have that spray. These laws are so fucked up. Victim blaming is also very common. I know that bad things happen to some people more so than to others. Some are just dealt a shitty hand of cards or happened to be in a wrong place at a wrong time. This is one of the reasons I want to ctb, there's so much injustice and you can't escape from bad traumatic memories. But venting and knowing you're not alone can help to deal with it sometimes.

 

[Water-Lily]

Oh yeah. I've read one story about a girl who was attacked and almost raped. She had a pepper spray which is illegal, but she sprayed her attacker and was able to escape. Guess what happened? She was the one who got the penalty and her attacker got away easily. This made me so angry. So she would have been raped if she didn't have that spray. These laws are so fucked up. Victim blaming is also very common. I know that bad things happen to some people more so than to others. Some are just dealt a shitty hand of cards or happened to be in a wrong place at a wrong time. This is one of the reasons I want to ctb, there's so much injustice and you can't escape from bad traumatic memories. But venting and knowing you're not alone can help to deal with it sometimes.

Fucked up. They would rather give a pass to the abuser because, let's be real, many of people in positions of power are abusers themselves. All this internalized misogyny, views towards women/victims, and wanting to avoid the truth and live in a fantasy of power and corruption. I feel bad that she suffered and her abuser is out there likely raping and abusing other women. Only until someone dies will they want to "do something". But the damage and trauma has been done. And I feel you on CTB. When I think of my experiences, others experiences, and the fears of the future. I don't want to live in a world like this. I always say that if I ever, sadly, experience rape, I don't think I would want to live

 

[Broken Buzz]

I was sexually assaulted and abused, drugged, beaten and stalked by a woman. It can be a geographical lottery, one police force took my allegations extremely seriously and offered me a lot of support, but then police in another area took over and dumped the case on an extremely flimsy pretext, with much victim blaming.

I certainly don't face harassment from women on the street and I can walk safely at night, I'm thankful for those mercies and have female friends who have been assaulted, harassed and more.

As I said elsewhere, I think this is a wonderful idea. I just hope in general that men won't be forgotten when conversations about abuse take place. Perhaps it doesn't happen to us as often, but we male victims are often forgotten, not by you Mew, but by media, politicians, government, charities etc. Just for the record, you've been nothing but supportive in our conversations and I wish more people shared your positive, inclusive attitude.

Although I am pushing hard for recovery, the lack of recognition and justice, and the stigma, is the strongest force pushing me towards suicide.

 

[Water-Lily]

I was sexually assaulted and abused, drugged, beaten and stalked by a woman. It can be a geographical lottery, one police force took my allegations extremely seriously and offered me a lot of support, but then police in another area took over and dumped the case on an extremely flimsy pretext, with much victim blaming.

I certainly don't face harassment from women on the street and I can walk safely at night, I'm thankful for those mercies and have female friends who have been assaulted, harassed and more.

As I said elsewhere, I think this is a wonderful idea. I just hope in general that men won't be forgotten when conversations about abuse take place. Perhaps it doesn't happen to us as often, but we male victims are often forgotten, not by you Mew, but by media, politicians, government, charities etc. Just for the record, you've been nothing but supportive in our conversations and I wish more people shared your positive, inclusive attitude.

Although I am pushing hard for recovery, the lack of recognition and justice, and the stigma, is the strongest force pushing me towards suicide.

Everyone's story matters when it comes to sexual abuse. My heart breaks that you too were victim. I am glad one officer took you seriously. There needs to be more who do for other make victims of abuse.

I am more in a limbo state (50 life, 50 suicide) however the stigma also makes me suicidal. I sometimes feel like whats the point in fighting if the world will never learn and will keep hurting victims. I just don't think there is a sense of hope :(

 

[BlankUser]

Fucked up. They would rather give a pass to the abuser because, let's be real, many of people in positions of power are abusers themselves.

You're so right. There are indeed a lot of people with power who are predators, pedophiles, rapists. Having power lets you get away with horrible stuff.

 

[Water-Lily]

You're so right. There are indeed a lot of people with power who are predators, pedophiles, rapists. Having power lets you get away with horrible stuff.

Exactly, leaving victims to always suffer. Then they wanna say shit like "why didn't yuo come sooner". Well, let's say the did come sooner. Any guarantee you would have taken her seriously? Honestly the victim blaming is so fucked up. The whole system is fucking corrupt and it makes me want to die too :(