Grief

[Kyotospade]

How do you deal with the loss of someone you loved with all you heart? Like seriously how do people do it? I'm destroying myself over it and it's hurting people I care about .

 

[paparoach]

When I lost my uncle at 16, I didn't emotionally deal with it, I ignored it, pretend it didn't happen, pretend I didn't know him. I'm ashamed of that, but I was 16, seeing my mum and granny cry, and there's me with probably undiagnosed autism... I don't think I could've reacted differently.

When my best friend since I was 5, either deliberately or accidentally OD'd on opioids, I felt very guilty about having tried to build a life so far away from my family and friends, only to know the most beautiful smiling face has left the planet. I applied this same guilt of missing out to not having watched my little cousins.

In December 2023, when a friend since 12 hung himself, this marked the start of my own personal breakdown. I was working an unskilled highly labourious job in a dangerous factory, not having seen sunlight for 3months, and thinking how much more beautiful my life would be if I could return home, but I didn't do that, and now I've made things so much more worse for myself.

Whatever you do, however you deal with it, go home to your family and friends, tell them you love them, eat and drink with them, watch films or spend quiet time with them, go for walks and cycles, just force yourself not to be alone.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

The only thing that ever helped me was time. That and talking to others about my pain that I could trust. Sometimes it took a few weeks, others it took probably 2 years of on and off crying at night before I could handle the grief. It took maybe 1 year before I could look at them and not cry, now I can look at videos or pictures for a bit and reminisce with a soft sadness, but joy that they did exist. The best way to describe it is that it doesn't get easier, you get stronger. Don't try to do this alone, please get as much support as you can especially in this time of immense pain.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope wherever they are, they are in peace friend. <3

 

[whywere]

Back in March 1982 my best friend ever, took a dare from a gal who would have sex with him if he swam a lake with ice chunks still floating on the surface. Needless to say he drown halfway through it.

It completely tore me apart, so much so that the state police in my state, in the U.S., put an APB out for me. An APB (all-points bulletin) was before the internet, and it was where if I was found to arrest me for my own wellbeing and bring me to a hospital.

It took me years to have the situation and also not having my great friend to do things with subside.

Now going on 43 years later, I have a warm thought whenever I think of him, his antics and all of his girlfriends that he had. I remember all the fun we had motorcycling together and all the college fun. He will live in my heart and thoughts forever.

It took time and the will to cast the horrible day and not having him around into knowing that he is and always be a part of me.

Walter

 

[Kyotospade]

When I lost my uncle at 16, I didn't emotionally deal with it, I ignored it, pretend it didn't happen, pretend I didn't know him. I'm ashamed of that, but I was 16, seeing my mum and granny cry, and there's me with probably undiagnosed autism... I don't think I could've reacted differently.

When my best friend since I was 5, either deliberately or accidentally OD'd on opioids, I felt very guilty about having tried to build a life so far away from my family and friends, only to know the most beautiful smiling face has left the planet. I applied this same guilt of missing out to not having watched my little cousins.

In December 2023, when a friend since 12 hung himself, this marked the start of my own personal breakdown. I was working an unskilled highly labourious job in a dangerous factory, not having seen sunlight for 3months, and thinking how much more beautiful my life would be if I could return home, but I didn't do that, and now I've made things so much more worse for myself.

Whatever you do, however you deal with it, go home to your family and friends, tell them you love them, eat and drink with them, watch films or spend quiet time with them, go for walks and cycles, just force yourself not to be alone.

Thanks for the advice

 

[_Maya]

honestly, i don't know how. When i lost my grandma 2 years ago, i was extremely depressed (still am, but for different reasons) and coped by self harming. I tried to make new friends to take my mind off the thought of her, but they all ended up leaving me cause my random break downs would stress them out a lot. I guess i just got over it naturally as time passed, you have to accept that you can't rewind time and will eventually have to move on. Its still weird to think thats she's gone even now, as she was a core part of my life.

 

[m3i906]

I deeply relate to this question and honestly, I am not sure I have the best advice but here's my take:

-Take time/moments to grieve and don't stop yourself from feeling sad or hurt; it is so real and natural that you feel this way. Those around you, that care, will understand.
-It will take time to feel 'normal' again and that is also hard in its own way but it is possible. You've got this and even if you don't, I wish you the best!
-Try not blame yourself. I'm not sure this applies to your situation but often we tend to look back and needlessly judge how we did something or interacted with them, in the past, and all that does is make the pain more evident. You can't change anything from the past but you can make amends with it today. Your heart will be empty for a while and you will feel their absence but if you focus on remembering the good times and the love you shared then the pain is at least bittersweet.

It's not your fault, okay? I hope I helped!

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I kind of just stopped caring about my life and I'm planning my suicide. But I think I can offer some things that helped me, even though I'm not the best person to ask for advice because I still struggle a lot.

Maybe you can open up about it if you have anyone close to you, or someone you trust. And maybe you can ask them if they've ever dealt with loss, and share your feelings. And maybe you can also join some grief/widower groups, even if it's just online, or in person. That's what I did, (online), and seeing other people with the same pain I did kind of helped me feel less alone.

Meditation helps for me too. I remember I was struggling a lot the first few months after he passed away, but then after some meditation sessions I felt a little better. Instead of just trying to block it out like I was, just feeling all the pain and crying a lot to myself, eventually you will find some peace.

And most importantly, like other people have said here, time heals things. And I know this might not seem like it helps, but honestly just appreciating what you experienced with that person. The love that you felt and received. I still miss him so much though.

I'm here for now, if you ever want to chat.